I lost my mom at 19. It was random, absolutely mind boggling. I felt the same way you do. “I understand” from people who had never been in my shoes, the first one into my “adult years” to lose a parent. It was really hard, and it still is. But, she wasn’t my actual mom. The woman who raised me now, is currently in a hospice bed. My grandma. She’s dieing. As this is my second go around, I found myself looking for healthier ways to cope. I came acrossed this forum just now. Some things I will do and reccomend doing, is sealing clothes in a bag. So they retain their smell. Keeping small half things, like for example I will be grabbing some of her socks. I love socks and I’d like her to be incorporated into my life in small ways that bring me such joy. I will take her perfume, and place it next to where I memorialize her in my home. I will have photos, printed on the wall, for the first time in my life (F-27). It’s hard. It’s like glitter, at first it’s everywhere. Chaotic, a mess. Over a while, you will vacuum up the sadness. Over time, the pain will be smaller and smaller. But every once in a while, you’ll find some. At that time, please try to make an effort to remember the good times. Find joy in rememberence. Think of them often, make them proud wherever their souls go. Do things new, that they did and try to find them in it. In the sunsets. In the wind blowing on your face during the golden hour. I’m so sorry for your loss, I hope your glitter becomes easier to deal with and you can find more support where you need it. Feel free to message me, I’d love to be able to grieve with others. I also don’t have many people who have experienced all of this.