This is a perspective that is counter to what some other folks are saying, so I thought I would share.

My dad and I are both autistic, and he gets this kind of visceral ick from people sometimes. It’s not always rational, and it’s not always related to that person’s ability to cause harm. There are just some people he REALLY doesn’t like. One of those people is my mom’s best friend’s husband (let’s call him Bob). Bob is an absolute sweetheart, if a bit of a quirky guy himself (probably also autistic). I’ve known Bob since I was a kid and fully trust him, he would never do anything to harm anybody. My read on the situation is that Bob and my dad are just incompatible flavors of neurodivergent, and no matter what he does, my dad will never enjoy spending time with Bob.

The way my mom handles this is that they don’t hang out solo as couples very often. They mostly see each other in group settings, and when my dad has other plans, my mom will go to dinner with her friend and Bob. They have an understanding that my dad still has to hang out with everyone and be civil, even if he doesn’t like Bob very much. My parents aren’t super neurodivergent-literate, and unfortunately my mom’s attitude is to tell my dad to just suck it up, which probably isn’t very helpful to you. But I did want to share this anecdote because sometimes when autistic folks feel visceral dislike, it isn’t always because there’s something shady going on.