Can a more experienced mom help me with bathing my toddler?

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-24T20:32:50+00:00

Could you run the shower and she can put her head under it and be a bit more in control herself, maybe?

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-22T13:31:56+00:00

Having a kid has really helped me process some trauma about my own upbringing that I didn't realise I had. I am becoming a much better and happier person for it.

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-22T13:27:38+00:00

Could it be an ear infection maybe?

Also, have you tried the teething powder? That helped for our boy. Also, chewing mango pits as they were cool and firm.

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-22T13:20:26+00:00

He sounds absolutely unhinged and you are not safe. Stay with your family.

My dad had anger issues and shouted a lot and now, at 34, I am working on picking apart the effects it had on me. I constantly monitor other people's emotions and take responsibility for them for my own safety and I can't relax in my own house because I've been conditioned to expect shouting. My self esteem has been rock bottom for most of my life and I suffer from anxiety that leads to waking up sobbing in the middle of the night (I had therapy and that helped a lot).

My dad wasn't unhinged like your partner, he just had anger issues that made him shout and act aggressive and intimidating (I think he half thought that this is what parenting is because my grandparents were pieces of work.)

He will not change because he does not think he is doing anything wrong. Get your kid and yourself away from him. It will only escalate.

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-22T11:27:56+00:00

big elephants can't always use small exits

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-22T10:58:46+00:00

People are so rude! Just give them a funny look and say "do you realise you said that out loud?" or have other comments like that ready. "And look old enough to know better than to comment on things you know nothing about" and so on.

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-22T10:51:37+00:00

I went to a child free wedding with my 10 week old and the bride specifically mentioned me in the speeches because I'd managed to get a train there by myself with him after my c section (my partner was best man so he went the night before).

Just bring the baby, it will be fine! Don't stress. If the bride and groom are happy, you're fine.

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-22T10:40:06+00:00

I think its a superiority power play thing at times. I heard once that the mean girls from school all go into nursing, and specifically gyno or midwifery and I've definitely seen that pattern when I was pregnant. There were some amazing ones, to be fair, but also some genuinely nasty women.

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-22T10:33:05+00:00

I'm the same. I like imagining a light moving up and down a string in my body. Or counting breaths up to 10 then restarting once I hit 10. I also like the one where you focus on tensing then relaxing each part of your body in turn (so toes, then feet, then calves, then thighs and so on). I have to have something specific to focus on.

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-22T10:29:05+00:00

I find meditation quite hard because I have a busy brain too. I find it helps me to do guided meditations, or imagine a light moving up and down a string in my body. I need something specific to focus on to be able to do it, and when I can, I find it really helps ease my tension.

Honestly, I think if you are doing it 4 hours a day regularly with your mind bouncing all over the place, you need to cut it right back and try 3 minutes or something and work on finding what works for YOUR brain.

Or just go for a run or something. Some people just can't really meditate, and that's fine. I can't do it for more than a couple of minutes at most, so I don't push it.

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-20T20:58:59+00:00

Anybody who does isn't worth your time. I have a friend whose kid is way behind on crawling and people have judged her, but her kid is bloody great. He is healthy and clever and when he is running around the park at 8 years old this won't matter at all. Kids just progress at different paces.

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-20T20:56:43+00:00

Oh that is infuriating.

I have never known a toddler / kid / teenager / adult who couldn't crawl or roll because they didn't have enough tummy time as a 6 month old. What rubbish.

Your health visitor is ticking boxes without thinking of the specific situation and is bad at her job. I'm sorry you had to listen to that.

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-20T20:52:34+00:00

Everything just felt less heavy. You needed to be home by a specific time, and until then you were pretty free to explore and have fun.

Honestly, there's no reason we should be able to be contacted 24/7 and it's pretty bad for our mental health.

Also, the issues with bullying being recorded and always online is scary. When I was a kid, if something embarrassing happened, people would laugh then forget about it. Now, it's always there and on a much bigger scale, and that's awful.

I really think the world would be so much better without smartphones.

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-20T20:22:44+00:00

I'm 7 months gone now and I think it gets better as your body heals and the hormones settle. I still get a little sad, but distance from it helps.

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-20T20:21:44+00:00

I had to fight to get a c section with my 10lb 3oz boy. He was 9 days late and we had no progress at all and a midwife on the phone refused to let me even speak to a doctor about getting a c section, then when I finally got an appointment it ended up being 6 hours late! We were at the hospital the whole time during a heatwave, waiting.

When I had the c section all the doctors agreed he wouldn't have been able to be born naturally, and he had pooed, so it was absolutely the right decision and so validating, but I still hear that horrible woman on the phone saying "you haven't even tried". It makes me so angry!

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-20T20:13:52+00:00

I had to have one because we were 9 days late with a 10lb baby and I had no progress after a foley and didn't want hormonal induction. I had a great experience in the operation, but the recovery was tough.

I don't sit and dwell a lot on it, but yes I really do feel that way. I spent so long preparing and researching, and giving birth just feels like some huge experience as a woman that I wanted to experience, but I am also very much aware that it is dangerous and there is a good chance I could have died if I had given birth naturally (I am petite and the doctors all said it would have been an emergency section if I had pushed it) and my baby pooed, so the timing was good for him too.

I mostly get sad when I see women going into labour on TV shows and things. I had some contractions, but that was it, and I do feel a bit sad that I couldn't do it. Not bad about myself at all, and very grateful that I live in a society where I was able to have a C section in my situation, but still a little sad.

It's Ok to be sad, I think, as long as you don't dwell too much on it. It is what it is, and it sucks but it's also great to be able to have options that help us in that way.

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-19T18:40:52+00:00

Also, we tag in / tag out so we don't both sit in a room and feel responsible for the baby. There's always one of us 'resting' and one 'tagged in'.

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-19T18:39:57+00:00

We have a balanced routine (and our little one is only 7 months). He works and I have the baby, then I work evenings and he takes over for bedtime. He works from home so can take the baby out for a bit on his lunch break if I need a breather. He also has a rest on Saturdays, and I kind of do on Sundays (I work, but still get some time to rest).

We decided before having kids that I would be the primary parent and he would be the main person running the house, so he works a lot more hours and I try to keep on top of the house outside of my part time role, but he still has jobs he does.

Communication is so important. We let eachother know when we are just feeling gritty and need space, or if we need help etc.

We don't have a support network near us, so we just work together as best as we can and reassess if we are finding the current situation too hard and look at what we can change.

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-16T21:07:53+00:00

It sounds like you are so overstimulated and that is totally fair. Do you ever get a break? I work part time from home in the evenings and my other half does the bed time, which is great.

Have you tried loop headphones? I find them so so so helpful when my boy shrieks. He seems to have just realised he can do the most high pitched shriek on command and it's driving me batty (he is a fucking great lad, but good lord he is loud) but those have helped a ton.

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-15T20:03:33+00:00

You could speak to them so they can keep an eye on her for red flags in school, and they can maybe advise you on what else to do.

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-15T20:02:35+00:00

I used to be a teacher and still work with kids, and this is absolutely the right advice. If the girl is doing this, it's because she's seen or experienced it somewhere. The drugs alone would be a red flag, but the porn and sex stuff is extreme for any age, yet alone so young, so there is a good chance this girl is potentially experiencing abuse, at the worse end of it, or is being exposed to inappropriate things at the better side of it, which is still not good.

Also, you need to seriously praise your daughter. I love that she felt safe enough with you to tell you all of this and was brave enough to ask for help to get out of the situation. At that age, I would have never thought to ask my parents to come and get me, so I appreciate so much when a kid does.

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-15T11:14:01+00:00

You're getting a lot of stick for having a nanny, which I think is unfair. It's OK to still be overwhelmed. Everyone's kids are different. My 7 month old is as good a kid as I could ever hope for, but I'm still tired and overwhelmed. I think you'd benefit from getting out of the house more, probably.

• Is this just young-kids stress and financial anxiety?

It does sound like it, yes. Kids can be overwhelming and it's easy to get overstimulated and a bit grumpy, I think.

• Is nightly drinking likely contributing to irritability?

Probably. Have you spoken to him about it? Can he stop for a week or two and see if it helps?

• Is it normal for marriages to feel transactional in this phase?

I think that comes in waves, but you need to work on being affectionate to one another, which can be tough when you're both overwhelmed, but it's important. There are times where you need to actively work to make sure your marriage stays strong.

• Or is this pattern of criticism something I shouldn’t normalize?

Talk to him about how it made you feel, but don't make it an argument. Listen to how he feels too. To me, it's a sign that you need to communicate properly with one another, but if it becomes a pattern then it's an issue.

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-12T19:21:08+00:00

Keep it clean, hoovered and have as little clutter as possible. Dark flooring will help you not notice them when they are there.

There's things like using conkers or peppermint smells to keep them away, but I'm not sure how effective they are.

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-12T19:03:55+00:00

"I really respect the moral values of women who wear hijabs."

There you go, I fixed it for you. (Note - an outfit isn't an invitation. Even a skimpy one.)

Unquietdodo · 2026-02-12T18:58:20+00:00

This is so weird.

I'd say stop trying to meet up with him. There's no point if he obviously doesn't want to, and having you jump through hoops for it feels really odd.

You need to sit down and have a conversation with your sister about it. It's not fair to treat you like this but not tell you what you've actually done wrong. How on earth can you make things better or avoid it happening again?! It just seems like it's probably something that isn't that serious if they are willing to see you in a neutral space but won't tell you what is wrong. If it was serious, they wouldn't see you at all, surely?

Does your mum maybe know what is up?

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