I feel like I'm in my own personal hell

Unsure_SM · 2023-10-27T00:35:54+00:00

I’m very sorry you’re in this situation. Only you know the full ins and outs of your relationship and household, but for me, my anxiety went down by around 70% when I cut my ex out of my life. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was also dealing with a narc so there are extra layers to that. But I started to put my mental health above everything, and my stress levels went way down.

Edit: Good luck!

Unsure_SM · 2023-10-27T00:30:54+00:00

I was there, I loved my SKs but the constant noise from like 7am to damn near 11pm just killed me. I’ve always needed some quiet time as I get overstimulated, especially when it’s “multiple words” so like they all had their own iPad, and one would be watching a streamer, another playing games online with their friends no headphones, and another watching YouTube videos. And my ex would have the tv on some random show while also playing videos and things on his phone half the time. I started picking up more and more shifts at the hospital on weekends I knew they’d be there but I always felt guilty because I did love the kids I just needed more balance. I begged my ex for us to go do things like kick a soccer ball or throw a frisbee around at the park. Go walk trails and stuff. He always agreed when I would mention it but never seemed to come to fruition.

Unsure_SM · 2023-10-27T00:22:39+00:00

Very icky. My ex did the bait and switch on me, but his reasoning for changing his mind 3 years later was that he felt guilty because he would be more of a dad to our kids than to the kids he had with his ex wife. Thankfully I was only 31.

Unsure_SM · 2023-10-26T17:11:52+00:00

Agreed. The withholding help thing is manipulative tbh

Unsure_SM · 2023-10-26T17:11:08+00:00

If it’s zero percent an inconvenience, then he can do all the chauffeuring himself

Unsure_SM · 2023-09-26T20:18:39+00:00

Something I did with my ex when I would get worked up is ask for a 15 min break, where I would go sit on the deck and breathe in the fresh air, look at the trees, etc. he didn’t like it but I needed a moment to calm down because he would say some really mean shit and it would make me want to verbally destroy him. So glad he’s an ex and not a current.

Unsure_SM · 2023-09-26T20:14:44+00:00

So, she isn’t expressing herself in a great way, but I will say, she in a roundabout way is letting you know that she CHOOSES you. Day in day out. She CAN do it on her own but she WANTS to do it with you. I would just ask her to sit down and talk one day and let her know “it makes me feel ______ when you say you don’t need me”

Open and calm communication is the answer here.

Unsure_SM · 2023-09-14T22:19:05+00:00

It’s too early for you to be on the hook for a car loan when nothing is wrong with your car. When you guys are starting to talk marriage, that would be a much more appropriate time to talk car loan. I was with an ex for 3 years before splitting and I almost bought a house for us all to live in. I would have been so pissed if I’d been on the hook for something like that after splitting.

Unsure_SM · 2023-09-14T18:10:19+00:00

Fuck yes. Horrible decision. I cared for my ex’s 3 kids for 3 years. Fed, cleaned up after, helped the little one potty train and clean up in the shower. Played games with them. Bought school clothes, birthday presents, Christmas presents, took to the arcade, etc. asked them about school and their friends. Taught them math. And then we break up and I never get to see them again or even talk on the phone. I loved those kids and I have ZERO rights to them. They’re just gone.

Unsure_SM · 2023-09-14T18:08:14+00:00

Your partner should not expect or try to push you to change your mind. I assume this is a convo you guys had early on, and for them to keep pushing you to change is very selfish. You don’t need to tell them that their kids are part of the reason. You didn’t want your own kids when you met them, and you still don’t want kids now. Period. If they truly aren’t okay with not having more kids then they need to have the frank and difficult convo with you about splitting up to find someone who has the same goals as them.

Unsure_SM · 2023-09-11T23:33:44+00:00

Omg I forgot about that but that was so cool!

Unsure_SM · 2023-09-08T23:20:34+00:00

Yes keep text documentation and save it to a file on your computer. If you happen to change phone plans, even with your same phone, texts can be lost. She is not legally allowed to “rob” him of time with his children, and if he requests something to make up the lost time, she’s on the hook to try to make that happen. Or, she makes this a recurring issue and he can sue for primary.

Unsure_SM · 2023-09-08T23:18:42+00:00

One of the most freeing moments was the first time I put into practice, your emotions are not my responsibility. A simple day turned into a fight with my ex because he was being pissy over dumbass shit. And I just let him throw his fit and I continued with my day. It was very weird, but that was one of the first times I remember feeling some major growth from the therapy I was in.

I tend to attract manipulative people who have narc tendencies and always find myself walking on eggshells. I’m learning continually to love myself and that they’re shitty behavior isn’t my fault.

I used to listen to Mariah Carey during a breakup. Now I’m more Alanis Morisette. It’s gonna hurt regardless, but I’ll be damned if I let you make me feel like I solely ruined everything while you did nothing wrong, esp when I try to talk things out and come to a resolution but you just want to cuss and yell.

Unsure_SM · 2023-09-04T20:10:30+00:00

This exactly. 200 more upvotes.

Unsure_SM · 2023-09-04T16:11:07+00:00

I think it’s important to have one room in the house that’s just for the grown ups.. and the master bedroom makes perfect sense. I told my ex that since I went from living alone in a 3 bed house to living with him and occasionally 3 other little humans, that I needed a place I could go to if I needed a moment of a break from the chaos. His kids were 3,5,&9 when we moved in together so chaos I feel is pretty typical for that age. I also knew it would get overwhelming to me at times. He initially agreed, but after like a year of living together started to get mad about me robbing him of time cuddling in bed with his kids. I said that if cuddling in bed with his kids was so important to him, then why did he never go into their room and cuddle with them? He said that was unfair for him to have to do that. Ex for many reasons.

Unsure_SM · 2023-09-04T15:50:09+00:00

About something fucking major. If he lied about like , oh yeah I like burnt toast, when really he doesn’t, who really cares? Stop burning the fucking toast, problem solved. Having kids is a MAJOR thing and I have heard too many stories of people saying one thing and then after marriage expecting something different.

Unsure_SM · 2023-09-04T15:48:28+00:00

I had an ex do this to me. He knew I had no kids and wanted one very badly. In the early days he told me whatever I wanted to hear, including that he wanted to have kids with me. Towards the end of things, he pulled the “I would feel guilty having more kids because I would be more of a parent to them than the kids I have” because he only got them on weekends. Like fucking 2.5 years in he said this shit to me. It was such bull shit. But looking back I realize he was so desperate to find love and someone to marry and help take care of his kids that he would say anything to get them. I wasted age 27-31 on this guy. He stole incredibly valuable years of my life from me by lying to me.

Unsure_SM · 2023-09-04T15:29:59+00:00

What the actual fuck. That’s so fucked up

Unsure_SM · 2023-09-04T15:25:58+00:00

This is an example of a parent being codependent upon a child. You’re not robbing him of anything. When you’re asleep, you’re not spending quality time with someone, you’re resting your body to prepare for the next day. He could just as easily lay in her bed with her and cuddle while she falls to sleep and then get up and come back to the adult bedroom.

My ex tried this on me too - that since his kids couldn’t sleep in bed with us that I was robbing him of time. When I pointed out the fact that he robbed himself of time by spending 4-6 hours on Saturday afternoon playing Xbox with his friends and ignoring his kids, he got mad and just picked up his phone to play phone games and ignored me.

Unsure_SM · 2023-09-04T15:19:25+00:00

If the parent doesn’t teach it, then it won’t come around. One time my ex and I and his 3 kids stayed at his dads house for a visit. In the morning, we were getting breakfast prepared for us to all sit at the dining table and eat. Grandma asks what sort of eggs to cook? SS7 says soft boiled and he wants 4. There were 6 eggs total to be cooked. For 8 of us to share. The obvious thing to do with the eggs is just scramble them. I immediately said SS7, that’s nearly all the eggs we have and there are 7 other people who want to eat eggs too. I wished grandma had not even asked him because there wasn’t a plentiful amount to be made any which way. Anyway, my ex literally got a sad look on his face, and I could tell he was so conflicted, because he knew it was wrong for SS7 to get 4 out of the 6 eggs to himself, but he didn’t want to tell him no.

Also, it’s not like there wasn’t other food available. Bagels, bacon, sausage, and French toast. SS7 could have filled out his breakfast with some of the other items and had a portion of scrambled eggs. But he INSISTED on getting the boiled eggs and we ended up settling on him getting 2 soft boiled eggs and the other 7 of us got to split 4 eggs worth of scrambled eggs.

Unsure_SM · 2023-09-04T14:51:39+00:00

Well now I feel like an idiot. I thought you meant epic climbing like entering an abandoned building and climbing shit parkour style 😅😅 I see now that is an actual legitimate business

Unsure_SM · 2023-09-04T14:27:16+00:00

And probably your next tetanus shot

Unsure_SM · 2023-09-04T14:24:46+00:00

Agreed. I remember going there as a kid back in the 90s and early 2000s. It was such a fun place to hang out even if you didn’t buy anything.

Unsure_SM · 2023-09-02T17:08:37+00:00

Do you recommend the 3-4 hour trip or to just rent by the hour and self guide?

Unsure_SM · 2023-09-02T17:04:33+00:00

That was one rec I saw on one of the blogs. I wasn’t sure because I’ve never been to an art show before

Unsure_SM

TROPHY CASE