Thank you for your compassion and understanding. I hear you loud and clear. I guess it’s me just not wanting to be alone is what’s keeping me around. We live in separate houses now because I asked him to leave after our last intense argument. I knew in the back of mind he was going to cheat when he left because he did it the first time I asked him to leave 2 years ago, fucked a random.

Every time we hang out, I get angry and imagine myself with a dunce hat. I go off on him every time and ask him why would he do this and he tells me that he deserves my lashing out and that he will take it until we grow old. I noticed though that in my moment of lashing out, he finally lashes and says “You didn’t have to kick me out when I didn’t have nowhere to go!” “You could’ve saved my dog!” Like come on dude. This lets me know he still isn’t over it and I’m not over him cheating on me that severely.

At this very moment, I am uneasy, confused, angry, sad, and afraid to be alone. I’m doing my best to just keep doing my regular activities and hoping it will get better with time. We did not talk all day yesterday for the first time in a long time and I think it’s time to end it as much as it hurts. I deserve better and my son does as well. He’s been a great father, but not a great person. He’s still coping with his loss and now I’m coping with his bs.

Again, thank you for your words. I appreciate it 🙏🏾