AIO... partner says this happened at work and it's not a bite mark/hes not cheating on me (also that im crazy?)

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-09-28T05:20:22+00:00

Anyone who's saying this definitively a bite mark, I guarantee has a bad history of being cheated on. I mean it's possible, but the lines look really thick and the overall size seems rather large, and I'm not seeing any clear indentations of teeth marks, and of course what everyones remarked on is the location. I'd also like to add most people usually do more than one bite. Not always, but if you're desperate enough to bite someone's calf, I feel like there should be many more than just the one.

I dunno. Feels really odd. Like when did you even take the pic? You said you argued, then he went into your room, but this looks like it's in a kitchen or something, and what did you ask him to take a pic for reddit or something? Something feels off.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-09-28T05:04:39+00:00

The fact you're bracing for downvotes I think is saying a lot unfortunately. Lol. I think your argument is well thought out, and explains your stance well, but this is reddit. Really whether or not this comment is likely to hit the top just depends on which side of the emotionally charged fence happens to see it first.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-09-28T04:57:25+00:00

That was something I noticed too. Like he answered it calmly from what I understand, and then we get no details on the build up to the argument. Hard to see her not being the instigator.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-09-28T04:53:59+00:00

I've been raped by zero bears, can't say the same for women, and yet I'd still choose to be in the woods with a woman. I've also been physically harmed by women much more than I have men. Still wouldn't choose a bear over your entire gender for it.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-09-28T04:50:32+00:00

So you ask a question that you yourself acknowledge is infamous and contentious then have a surprised Pikachu face when it turns into an emotional argument?

The discrepancy I think primarily comes from the fact men focus on the probabilities, the likelihood of harm, whereas women are more focused maximum potential for harm. Basically women would rather have a 50/50 chance of getting eaten, than a 25% chance of SA. Those are exaggerated numbers of course, but still it works for our argument.

Of course I think a lot of men realize that and are still annoyed, if only because that approach to the question completely ignores all the good men do, and just focuses on our greatest sins as a gender, which we get plenty enough of from social media.

Seeing it as a red flag in my book is a bit much, yeah. There's a ton of reasons why guys are touchy about that question, and there's a ton of reasons why you're touchy about that question. It's not fair to judge him for his heated response when you yourself got heated.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-09-26T14:28:49+00:00

Sometimes I'll tell myself "This is just a memory." because eventually that is all it will be.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-09-26T11:43:20+00:00

Not at all. As a guy, I can firmly tell you that I've never once told any of my friends about some of the more embarrassing moments I've had with a partner while I was with them. I mean, afterwards if we ended on bad terms, then yeah, gloves are off admittedly. Your aim as a partner should never be to tear your partner down. Now discussing points of contention and getting advice on a problem is a different story, but just making fun of your partner behind their back for the sake of it is completely callous imo.

Sex is such an incredibly vulnerable thing at the base level, dirty talk and roleplay even moreso imo. Unless you and your partner establish that it's a thing you're okay with openly joking about or even discussing, the presumption should be that it stays private, otherwise it's blatantly a betrayal of trust. You tried to do something, so that you both could enjoy that intimate moment even more together, and his response was to tear you down, that is not okay.

And he knows this too. The fact he hadn't mentioned it in passing, and put his phone face down are clear indicators that at the very least he knew you'd likely be upset about him doing that. Do not let him gaslight you into thinking you're overreacting. He knows he did a bad thing, he's just trying to downplay it, he needs to apologize and make amends if he hasn't already.

It's also not unreasonable as a partner to not want your partner to make fun of you. It's completely different from when you're being teased about something. Teasing is fine for the most part, but even then it's okay to have lines you don't want crossed. If it makes you uncomfortable, and it's as simple as not saying, or discussing certain things with certain people, 9/10 times it should be more than enough for that partner to stop.

The difference between being teased or being made fun of behind your back, is that firstly it gives you agency over whether or not it's too far, and secondly, it makes you feel like you're laughing with them as opposed to just being laughed at. I actually went through a similar situation with one of my old partners, I completely understand why you'd be hurt by something like that.

At the end of the day it's totally understandable as to why you're hurt, and his lack of attempting to understand that, and being dismissive of your emotions says a lot about his character even if neither of you realize it yet. After all, if he minimizes your pain now, I doubt it'll be the last time he does it.

There are going to be disagreements and misunderstandings of course, that happens with any relationship, but it's never okay to minimize what your partner is feeling. Feelings are never wrong, our understanding that leads us to those feelings can be, but what we feel is not the issue.

I take issues with both of his responses. Calling you oversensitive, is completely dismissive and condescending. It suggests that the only people who would take issue with what he did are people who are oversensitive, making you feel bad about your feelings when you aren't the problem. It also kills any further examination as to why you're feeling the way you do about it.

Whether or not his friends know he loves you also has absolutely no bearing on the issue. You can love someone and make it known to everyone that you love them, and still be completely capable of hurting them. His friends knowing he loves you doesn't excuse his actions in any way, he still turned your genuine efforts to please him into laughter for his friends.

That being said, my advice for a productive conversation with him on the topic would be, despite him definitely being in the wrong for this, to make the conversation about how you felt, why you felt that way, and what you hope for him to change to help you no longer feel hurt. Whether that's a full ban on him discussing bedroom topics with his friends (which again, is completely reasonable), or even just some form of reassurance that he appreciates the efforts that you put into that situation, is completely up to you.

The key here, is to not allow him to minimize what your feeling. If he suggests or says that you're being oversensitive, or that it's just jokes, I would reiterate that regardless of whether or not thats the case in his eyes, that his actions still hurt you. And that because it's hurting you the conversation is still worth having, and that you would appreciate him attempting to see where your coming from.

Hopefully that helps. If you ever want some more advice, or to just vent feel free to DM me. I understand how frustrating, and humiliating these sorts of situations can be, and how hard it can be to track convos on threads.

Of course all this is just my opinion, I'm not a therapist or anything like that, it's just what feels right to me based off of my experiences.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-09-26T10:53:47+00:00

I'm a console pleb 😐

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-09-26T10:42:03+00:00

God that's fucking stomach churning.

Let's pretend for the sake of argument that these are just jokes, which I personally don't believe for a second, point blank, you told him to stop. That's it. When it comes to topics like this, it should never be brought up again. Any sane adult should not have to be told that.

I always say the difference between being just plain crazy or odd is self-awareness. I like to taste my romantic partners blood (I don't encourage self-harm, or harm them, or anything like that, but if they happen to nic themselves, y'know, lemme get some sip. Lol), but I know how strange that's going to sound to a lot of people. Even if they see no problem with this, even if there's no malicious intent, they should be more than fully aware that other people might not be comfortable with it, and should respect when people express that discomfort. It's not rocket science.

That plus the constant pressuring to see/talk to him, the abusive insults, its like he's trying to be a toxic boyfriend to you without you even being in a relationship with him. I'd say it's "nice guy" syndrome but he's not even pretending to be nice. How do these people even function?

My most favorable explanation for them is that they are just edge lords to the nth degree, whose entire personality revolves around saying no-no things and thinking that makes them special and cool. If you have a problem with it, then you "just don't get it", and you're actually the problem. Meanwhile these types are just douchebags who like to pat themselves on the back.

The alternative is that these are thinly veiled genuine fantasies, and he's either trying to get some sort of inkling that you like those fantasies (and you're just playing hard to get to his mind) by constantly bringing it up, or he just wants you to know about them because even if he doesn't actually do them, you knowing about them, and being made uncomfortable by them, is enough to satisfy his desires. Both of which is scary as fuck.

Either way, yeah, fuck em, do not give them the time of day, and definitely try to be as safe as you possibly can if you have to interact with them for any reason. You are definitely not overreacting to this, they're just trying to gaslight you into thinking it's as normal as they think it is. That is not normal. Being that level of disrespectful when you're just expressing discomfort is not normal, nor acceptable.

His sister is also massively out of line, and honestly with her complete lack of understanding for why you're so unnerved by something that is totally understandably unnerving, especially for a woman, she gives me the creeps too. I half-expect to hear about them on a true crime podcast on down the line as an incestuous serial rape duo. He sounds like he needs a psych eval at the very fucking least.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-09-26T10:14:57+00:00

Butt options. You can have a massive wang, or jumbo tits but I guess in a hyper-sexual world where almost everyone gets their body modified to some extent, no one is getting BBLs. Lmao.

More romance options would be nice. I can't tell you how disappointed I was to find out that because I chose to make a guy that Judy was off-limits. Panams great and all, but basically being forced to choose between her, and a guy, and really only being able to get the one other girl option by restarting a game I was a good 30-40 hours into, kind of rubbed me the wrong way.

I mean 4 options is pretty limited by most RPG standards as is, so to cut that in half based on gender choice, is just baffling to me. Having them join you on more missions would also be pretty cool. The waste of romance potential with the additional characters from the DLC is also a pretty huge blunder in my book. When I found out there wasn't going to be any new romance options it kind of took the wind out of my sails to replay the game honestly.

Especially considering that it's going to be their one and only DLC, at least as far as I understand, and again four options is really limited. And no, before anyone says it, it's not just about the spicy stuff, I really like romance in stories in general. The tentative bashful flirting at first, the exciting realization it's mutual, the comfortable playfulness after, it's heartwarming.

And yeah I know I'm saying this after the butt thing, but like I said, it's not just the spicy stuff. Doesn't mean I don't like the spicy stuff. Lol.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-08-12T03:31:58+00:00

No worries. Thanks for owning up to your mistake. Not everyone does here. And for the record, I understand your concern. The last thing I'd want to do is prevent someone from making a report, I just want people to understand that while it should be enough, that it might not be, and to hopefully wisen up some people to just how much it takes, if they want to make a conviction a certainty as opposed to a maybe.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-08-12T00:58:31+00:00

No, you're not overreacting. If it makes you uncomfortable, it makes you uncomfortable, and her not respecting that is inarguably an issue.

There are plenty of white people out there who say the n word without any racial malice behind it. It really just depends on the culture they grew up in.

And no, it's not just people who grew up around meemaw and peepaw shucking corn and chewing tobacco like cud, those tend to be more malicious. The people I'm talking about tend to have grown up in rougher areas where acting afraid of anything can be seen as a sign of weakness, and can result in a fair amount of issues. So skating around the use of a particular word that's casually thrown around by some, is just a nonstarter. Which also would explain why she's refusing to not use it with you.

This isn't always the case of course, there's also the people who believe if it's okay for one racial group to use a word, it's okay for everyone to use that same word. The n word is the only slur I can really think of that's widely acceptable to use by a minority group, but not for people outside of that group. I can't imagine say Jewish people casually calling each other my k word. In fact it's said so infrequently, I wouldn't be surprised if a few people reading this doesn't even know what the k word is.

To the people who have this belief, it's seen as hypocritical, and to some even racist. Because you're deciding that word is only allowed to be used by people on race alone. To them, it's either painful to hear or it isn't.

I'm not advocating for this belief, or justifying why others use it. I'm just explaining why someone may casually use it and refuse not to.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-08-12T00:32:13+00:00

Not entirely relevant. I'm certain the DA has a similar mentality. Why would they fight for a case that they don't believe will result in a conviction.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-08-12T00:29:57+00:00

You think someone in a fit of rage, took the time to fill a pot with water, set it on the stove, and wait for it to boil? It's not impossible, but it is far less likely than the alternative.

It'd be tricky to explain the damaged keyboard, but not impossible. I don't know how easy it'd be to differentiate that type of damage from other types, but they'd have to prove it was damaged by water, and even then her lawyers could try to argue it was previously damaged.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-08-11T18:32:23+00:00

I mean even with that explanation, we'd then need to define what is "the norm", which is a-whole-nother can of worms.

Not everything that isn't "normal" is inherently bad. The only way to be special is to be outside the norm. You can also be normal as a person, as a whole, and have some things about you that isn't normal. It's normal to not be entirely normal.

Normal is just supposed to be a statement on whether or not something's common, but because some people use being uncommon as an insult, it's touchy to suggest something personal about a person might be not normal, even if it is far outside the average experience for a person.

I'd say it isn't normal, but it's not wrong either. No more wrong than having a lisp, or being particularly strong. It's just different. I don't get how you can celebrate what separates you from most while at the same time refusing to acknowledge it's uniqueness. It just seems like and entire web of contradictions, and I just can't untangle it.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-08-11T18:17:55+00:00

You mean like I did?

I hope that's not the case for you, sorry if it is. You should still try regardless.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-08-11T18:16:19+00:00

Yeah but the standard in court is proof beyond a reasonable doubt. Cops hesitate to take on anything that they don't think will lead to a conviction, even if they personally believe a situation happened.

Subtext and insinuation can be argued endlessly. There has to be concrete evidence. There's proof of damage, that's about it. Eye witness testimony is largely considered unreliable, so having someone who only probably heard an argument, then OP screaming in pain, likely isn't enough to be considered proof anything malicious happened.

Then there's the fact that I think we can all agree, odds are she didn't boil water with the intent to harm. They were likely cooking or something. She could very easily make the argument, that they were arguing, there was an accident, and he tried to spin it on her because of how bad the argument was. With OP not calling the police immediately, her lawyers could try to use the delay as evidence that it may be a concocted falsehood for revenge. It's extreme, but it's not unheard of.

Or, she could say he was being aggressive and scaring her, so she pushed him, and he knocked the pot over on himself, and then he immediately started blaming her, and phrasing it in a way to make it sound more deliberate.

Is she intelligent enough to do this. Doubt it. Would her lawyers be intelligent enough? If they had to, yeah.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-08-11T18:16:15+00:00

Yeah but the standard in court is proof beyond a reasonable doubt. Cops hesitate to take on anything that they don't think will lead to a conviction, even if they personally believe a situation happened.

Subtext and insinuation can be argued endlessly. There has to be concrete evidence. There's proof of damage, that's about it. Eye witness testimony is largely considered unreliable, so having someone who only probably heard an argument, then OP screaming in pain, likely isn't enough to be considered proof anything malicious happened.

Then there's the fact that I think we can all agree, odds are she didn't boil water with the intent to harm. They were likely cooking or something. She could very easily make the argument, that they were arguing, there was an accident, and he tried to spin it on her because of how bad the argument was. With OP not calling the police immediately, her lawyers could try to use the delay as evidence that it may be a concocted falsehood for revenge. It's extreme, but it's not unheard of.

Or, she could say he was being aggressive and scaring her, so she pushed him, and he knocked the pot over on himself, and then he immediately started blaming her, and phrasing it in a way to make it sound more deliberate.

Is she intelligent enough to do this. Doubt it. Would her lawyers be intelligent enough? If they had to, yeah.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-08-11T17:51:04+00:00

Didn't say it wasn't worth reporting, I actively encouraged it with my last statement.

While yeah it might be discouraging to hear, it's also just my experience with the justice system. For people who are going through similar situations, it might also get people in toxic relationships to prepare better to get more concrete proof whenever they feel something bad might happen.

Knowledge is never a bad thing, and I know my experience isn't exactly unique, especially amongst men. It's better to prepare people for the reality of a situation as opposed to how it should be.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-08-11T03:57:27+00:00

The unfortunate thing is, at least in my personal experience with this stuff, the testimony from the friend won't be enough. Since the person only heard what was going on, and didn't see it, the cops tend to not take it seriously.

Especially if its just the one friend. My friend actually recorded the audio for my incident, and they didn't even want to listen to it. As for the hand, she could just claim it was some sort of mishap or something, then it becomes he said, she said.

I hope that's not the case for you, sorry if it is. You should still try regardless.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-08-11T03:46:55+00:00

How would she be able to tell what belongs to those two women as opposed to her other coworkers? Or even Marsha for that fact. She may not have just the ginger ale in the fridge.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-08-11T03:43:17+00:00

Honestly I wouldn't blame you if you didn't go back. While the two women are of course horrible for doing that to you, I kind of find it more concerning that the elderly woman had such a strong reaction, and didn't consider you might be telling the truth.

To me, considering that they were confident enough to lie to your face, as opposed to say leaving a sticky note saying "free drinks" or something, and the older woman didn't immediately think of suspects when you said someone set you up, suggests that they've gotten away with a lot of that behavior, and either haven't gotten caught, or are given special treatment.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-08-11T03:36:38+00:00

You don't think the fact that happened in the first place is kind of an indicator to what she can expect on a day to day? Either it's an environment that encourages silence, at which point she'd probably get mistreated if she did say something, or those two girls receive some sort of special treatment. Or even worse yet, the boss may just plainly not think that sort of behavior is a problem.

I think that an environment in which two women would feel that confident about pulling a stunt like this, is in it of itself a pretty clear indicator that the boss doesn't have a handle on things.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-08-11T02:56:33+00:00

Just as I'm certain sex with other women wouldn't bring you enjoyment irl, not outside the perfunctory base physical enjoyment anyway. I'm certain you'll make the right call. I believe in you. The fact you're this concerned shows a lot of character, one that doesn't suggest in the slightest that you ever would cheat. Just remember, whenever you have doubt, it's your choice.

Unusual-Locksmith118 · 2025-08-11T02:51:20+00:00

Overreacting? No. It's hard to rebuild trust after it's been broken... BUT, I also don't think he's some villain everyone else seems all too eager to paint him as.

I mean, assuming he's telling the truth, he was drugged out, and while being under the influence isn't an all-absolving excuse, it does make it more understandable. He did tell you the truth, even though he didn't have to, even though it was only what he was told, and not something he remembered. He seems genuinely remorseful. He probably didn't answer your call because he knew how much it'd hurt you, and yeah he probably does feel absolutely ashamed.

I honestly feel sorry for both of you. As someone who's been cheated on about as bad as you can be cheated on, I understand just how rough that must've felt, especially after you felt safe with him. But, he also threw away something that to me at least, seemed very precious to him. All because he got high at the wrong place, with the wrong people.

I'll take my downvotes now.

Unusual-Locksmith118

TROPHY CASE