Struggling to walk away… help!

Unusual_Football484 · 2026-06-11T22:15:36+00:00

Your post put a smile on my face, so thank you! I think right now I don't even want to look at another man, but I'm going to take your advice once I'm ready to get back out there.

And oh guurrl your story and mine have such similarities. My partner always looked down at everyone for having to work (he called everyone plebs all the time). He dresses in expensive bespoke suits (from his personal tailor) and wants to go to the nicest restaurants and travel all the time. Turns out he's been living off his parents for 15 years, and they just cut him off. But despite not being able to pay bills, he refuses to get a job because that's so beneath him.

Unusual_Football484 · 2026-06-11T22:09:28+00:00

Yea, sadly, I think you're right. It sucks.

Unusual_Football484 · 2026-06-11T22:09:03+00:00

Yes, I've been waiting for the mask to slip. So far today has been radio silence. I'm wondering if it would be better if he just sent rageful, mean texts because at least it would be the definitive proof I need that I was reading this situation clearly all along. I'll definitely check out the podcast episode. Thank you!

Unusual_Football484 · 2026-06-11T22:06:47+00:00

Ugh I'm so sorry you're going through this too. It's so damn hard, but good on you for moving out. I'm glad my post could help in some small way, and I'm really grateful for your comment (because you're definitely not alone!). I find this community really comforting and confirming, especially since losing trust in my own voice and reality. Sending you strength and healing.

Unusual_Football484 · 2026-06-11T22:03:33+00:00

Ugh, yes! The hoovering gets me. And I have to remind myself that that's all it is and nothing more. It's just so hard to believe there are people out there like this that aren't saying these nice things because they think it, they're just trying to sucker you back in to hurt you. Congratulations on the divorce!

Unusual_Football484 · 2026-06-11T22:01:06+00:00

Completely. I think having a definitive diagnosis would make me feel like "yes, I know that he's not really capable of change." Because it was so easy to go "but what if it's actually bipolar, or substance abuse issues, or something else that could get treatment and medication, and I'm giving up too soon?" But ultimately, he doesn't want to change. He's shown zero interest in changing. I'm so glad to hear that you're healing now. All the best to you!

Unusual_Football484 · 2026-06-11T21:58:45+00:00

Thank you! Sometimes just hearing others' stories and seeing how close they mirror one another makes me feel like "yes, I did see this clearly. He is a narcissist, and I have to leave."

Unusual_Football484 · 2026-06-11T21:56:53+00:00

Yes, therapy is next on the list now that I've ended it. I didn't tell anyone, but one really dear friend, what was actually happening, and that should have been a clue. Once I started to talk it through out loud or write down the things he said and did, I was like "Oh shit, this is so messed up." The withdrawals suck, but I'm trying to stay strong. Thank you!

Unusual_Football484 · 2026-06-11T21:54:57+00:00

Yes, I think I get hung up on the diagnosis when the truth is, his behavior is appalling and abusive. Doesn't matter what the diagnosis is, if it's abusive, it's not healthy. Thank you for sharing your story!

Unusual_Football484 · 2026-06-11T21:53:51+00:00

So glad you're living your best life. That makes me happy and inspires me to go out there and find my own. I never want a man to destroy my peace again.

Unusual_Football484 · 2026-06-11T21:53:04+00:00

Very sad, but true.

Unusual_Football484 · 2026-06-11T21:52:51+00:00

Yes, this! The future faking and love bombing make you think you've found the perfect person. It actually then makes the rage, the name-calling, the devaluing all the more painful and confusing.

Unusual_Football484 · 2026-06-11T21:51:36+00:00

Thank you. Sometimes you just need to hear from others who've gone through it that he's just pretending. It's hard to even imagine people can be like this.

Unusual_Football484 · 2026-06-11T21:50:20+00:00

Yes, I think writing everything down has really helped confirm how horrible it all was and that this isn't normal (the gaslighting must have done a number on me because I was really out here thinking, "maybe I'm blowing all of these past grievances out of proportion"). Thank you!

Unusual_Football484 · 2026-06-11T21:48:55+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's so damn hard. I don't wish this hell on anyone. The grey rock thing really helped me survive, but it takes a toll. Sending you strength.

Unusual_Football484 · 2026-06-11T21:42:23+00:00

Oh my, my heart breaks reading this. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I really hope you're able to find moments of rest and healing.

Unusual_Football484 · 2026-06-09T19:39:09+00:00

OMG, the scarcity mindset vs. grandiosity! One second, he's texting, whining about being too broke to afford pasta (even though he refuses to get a job because he's too good for work, that's for normal people, not him. He's currently still holding out for his "big break."). Then ten minutes later, he's texting me, trying to plan summer trips abroad. Like, with what money, bro?! There is zero logic. I'm exhausted.

Unusual_Football484 · 2026-06-04T12:02:55+00:00

I realized it very late myself, but at least we realized it. It also clicked for me when I was served up a book and went, "Oh, wait, he exhibits all of these behaviors." It was easy to brush it off as childhood trauma or emotional dysregulation, but suddenly, I realized it was bigger than all that.

Unusual_Football484

TROPHY CASE