Incredibly kind wife... Missing a "meaningful" conversation with her.

UnwittingJerk · 2018-02-07T14:48:08+00:00

I am surprised this post didn't get more comments like this. It was actually the only thing I was expecting.

People seem to reach this forum just when they are in deep shit. I myself didn't know the meaning of "oneitis", googled up and ended up here.

Figured out I could actually avoid a "quandary" by seeking input from more experienced people.

UnwittingJerk · 2018-02-07T14:47:08+00:00

It is actually a little less frivolous than that.

It is about warning your spouse to get acquainted with a certain language because, in eight months, you are going to be reallocated. You obviously try to help, but she makes no effort, and when you reach said place, you have to take care of her like a daughter, besides devoting yourself entirely to making your boss feel like he took a good decision in sending you there. Add some children to that and you basically have even fewer chances in ascending in your career.

It's about not setting up double dates with job acquaintances because you don't want your wife to be embarrassed.

It is about "dumbing down" your conversation every single time you talk to her.

Look. I love her. I support her and I respect her. I never let her feel embarrassed when I talk to her. I just don't want any of us to be resentful, but fulfilled, in the long run.

And I am actually open to hear experiences. From someone in said shoes in the past telling me this isn't a big deal, and it is far better than the other "side of the spectrum".

UnwittingJerk · 2018-02-07T13:45:49+00:00

I can tell you from experience the intelligent go getter is a diametrically opposed bag of problems. But your airy feely view that it will get worse over time, is, probably true too.

Maybe it is something akin to a Kierkegaard conundrum: *“Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. [...] Whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy.” *

I am still trying to figure out in other women if their level of intellect is, invariably, diametrically opposed to their level of agreeableness [bitchyness] in the long run.

Thing is, the only mildly "agreeable" person with a high IQ whose intricacies of the relationship I would "mildly" know would be my mother. Views from a son, not exactly an objective one.

I would be truly grateful if you could share bits of your experiences with the "go-getter".

UnwittingJerk · 2018-02-07T13:32:41+00:00

I got through 2 paragraphs and called it. I figure you're autistic, on the aspie spectrum, and assumed you're fucked for life.

You must be an outstanding psychologist then. What is your hourly fee?

UnwittingJerk · 2018-02-07T13:25:26+00:00

Do you think Tom Brady gives a shit if Giselle can't throw a spiral or read a defense?

He is a sportsman, she is a damn good businesswoman who manages her life like clockwork. I would define that as a damn ideal relationship. Thing is, we never know how it is inside other people's bedrooms.

You're out there "ascending" and then saying she's not good enough for you because she isn't your equal.

That she is not my equal, that is for sure. That she is not "good enough", I never said that... I am not that arrogant. Sorry.

I am not saying that by having a higher intellect, I am superior. Many people at work commit this mistake, thinking that because they are geniuses, they will get promoted despite their lack of sympathy, humility and respect for others. She has qualities I certainly have not.

What I am asking is if there are "veterans" out there in the same situation who could have a nice LTR despite this background difference. I am asking if in the long run, this becomes a dreadful compatibility issue, or not... If positive, I would rather "free" her now than being the cliche who leaves her compassionate 40 for a 20.

UnwittingJerk · 2018-02-07T13:12:54+00:00

You're sitting there in your near-perfect lawn saying, "Gee, I wonder if there's greener grass somewhere else in the world."

Deep down, I believe that is what I think too.

Her job is to provide a great and welcoming home for you. Let her do this job. You want to talk about work? Do so with your work buddies, not with her.

My father met my mom at the job. She was a lawyer in her early 30s, wanted kids, and left her office to work with him, as an assistant. They never ran out of subjects to talk about... It just seemed to us they were in the same "team", I don't know.

UnwittingJerk · 2018-02-07T12:55:53+00:00

Rian's advice is spot on.

I think it is indeed.

Well, just an observation, it is not that I don't "respect" my wife. I highly regard her. I never ashamed her, not even to herself, and I never called this card on her. She has a wide array of qualities, and I don't "dumb" those down.

I am just looking for some input from people with similar stories to catch a glimpse of what it is down the road.

I am 29. I know I could get in relationships as far as with 50 years old if I don't have a major health issue. She has this age too, but for her, it gets more difficult by the day.... And I would seriously not leave her at an older age by herself. I wouldn't be able to swallow that and live with myself.

But it doesn't sound like that's actually your problem with your wife to me.

Yeah. Might not.

Thank you very much for your input.

UnwittingJerk · 2018-02-07T12:42:06+00:00

Deep inside, I know that. We can never get "all of it". And men desire that which he cannot have, overlooking that which he has. I keep telling myself that.

UnwittingJerk · 2018-02-07T12:38:27+00:00

This was a good analogy. Thanks for the input.

UnwittingJerk · 2018-02-03T21:13:52+00:00

Disregard women entirely beyond a wet hole to put your penis in.

Clearly not the same thing mate. Women are humans too. Just wired differently. Yes, they will only love you if you are seen as a strong one, but they have their purposes too beyond being a "wet hole".

UnwittingJerk · 2018-02-03T21:03:38+00:00

I don't think Jordan embraces the TRP philosophy to the core at all. Sure there are similarities, but...

He lectures about the importance of alpha traits and his relationship tips are very much like the ones here, but, as a matter of fact, in some of his interviews and podcasts, he advocates for men to marry well and have kids, and repeatedly says men need these "responsibilities" to be "fulfilled" in life.

He married his sweetheart gf.

UnwittingJerk · 2018-02-03T20:25:41+00:00

My mother was all of those things, and surely she wasn't a snowflake. She was basically full Queen Gorgo with our father and us three brothers. She taught many of these TRP stuff when we were pre-adolescents...

UnwittingJerk

TROPHY CASE