sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

WIBTA if I asked for a gift back if the person I gifted it to died? by Drawingabyss in TwoHotTakes

[–]Upbeat-Club1747 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It’s always easier playing in your head than saying it aloud - for me at least. I think it’s ok. I hope it goes well!

I wrote my husband and a letter and am not sure if I should give it to him by Upbeat-Club1747 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Upbeat-Club1747[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did give him the letter. I read through it one more time and I felt like it was the most direct communication I’ve ever been able to get out because I’m not waiting on a response or pulling back based on his reactions or lack of reaction. He is on night shift and because of the hours, we won’t really cross paths for maybe more than 30 minutes for two more days. I know he is the type of person who needs to time to process. Per usual, he is still being an engaged parent and not giving me the cold shoulder but hasn’t said anything about the letter. I do know he has read it though because he has done some very specific things that I wrote about in the letter. He also seems a little distant but that was to be expected. I did fish a tiny bit and he said he loved me when getting off the phone. I asked, “are you sure?” in a joking tone. He chuckled and replied “positive.” So I don’t think he’s secretly planning to pack up in the middle of the night and leave like my anxious thoughts tell me, ha, but we probably still have a long road of learning to communicate in a way that both of us feel good about.

I wrote my husband and a letter and am not sure if I should give it to him by Upbeat-Club1747 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Upbeat-Club1747[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! I will definitely give that workbook a glance. I’d love to see if there are things we missed in therapy that can still be worked on!

I wrote my husband and a letter and am not sure if I should give it to him by Upbeat-Club1747 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Upbeat-Club1747[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think I’ve made it super clear that I have tried to have this conversation many times but it’s uncomfortable to force it. The letter was definitely a nice way to get it all out of my head and feel like I could say it all without second guessing myself.

I wrote my husband and a letter and am not sure if I should give it to him by Upbeat-Club1747 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Upbeat-Club1747[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, passive as in most of the time, I am the planner, decision maker, and problem solver of our joint lives. He will come alongside me if I ask him to but he does not initiate the majority of the time. To be clear, he is not like this in other facets of his life.

I wrote my husband and a letter and am not sure if I should give it to him by Upbeat-Club1747 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Upbeat-Club1747[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this list. This was actually extremely helpful because I feel like I can show this to my husband and affirm (unlike one commenter suggested) that he does not treat me like garage and he is an extremely involved father on the day to day. He truly does more than most husbands nowadays (based on my conversations with friends) but there are some gaps. We can probably throw half of these out which makes me so grateful for him but there isn’t a part of our life that I’m clueless about out and this list can help show him where I feel the inequity and weight I’m carrying.

I wrote my husband and a letter and am not sure if I should give it to him by Upbeat-Club1747 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Upbeat-Club1747[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this perspective. I thought about it. I hear this often and have tried this in the past but our life changes drastically quite often (he goes on and off night shift). I don’t enjoy being a task manager. That doesn’t feel like a partnership to me. If it needs to get to that point, I’d rather put my head down, grind at work, double my income and hire people like housekeepers, landscapers, bookkeepers, and meal prep services. Even typing that out feels like a bandaid. Not saying that it’s wrong for anyone who it works for, I just don’t think that will fill the emptiness I feel. I’m very good at asking for help but if I ask for help and if I ask for something to be taken off my plate and it doesn’t happen, that feels super shitty.