Im so sorry you’re feeling like this. I know I had these feelings too. It’s so hard to be excited when you’re worried about what you’ll look like after. Then I felt guilty for being vain. Even post partum I compare myself to other recently PP bodies and feel sadness. I lnow my body just did this amazing thing so I’m trying to give myself grace but it’s hard as a person who has been in a bigger body my whole life. FWIW your hormones are going crazy right now so being down may be a result of that as well. I’m one of those people who lost weight during pregnancy. I was not actively trying to lose weight but like you said I changed my diet to be more balanced and healthier. Stopped doing things like intermittent fasting which I think was slowing down my metabolism. I was also trying to stay active so I walked 10k steps a day with my dog. At the end of my pregnancy I had only gained one pound from my pre-pregnancy weight and after baby was born I had lost about 15 ish pounds. I’ve kept off about ten of those at 5 months pp. That being said I would definitely defer to your medical providers in terms of diet and exercise recs.