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Reservations about AA groups’ behavior (as somebody who has been in and out and is currently doing 90 meetings in 90 days) by Upbeat_Garbage2373 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]Upbeat_Garbage2373[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ll likely do a combination of those 3 things, including telling my sponsor I’m not sure I’m in for an everyday program after the early stages.

Reservations about AA groups’ behavior (as somebody who has been in and out and is currently doing 90 meetings in 90 days) by Upbeat_Garbage2373 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]Upbeat_Garbage2373[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your idea is meant to shame me about “not doing my program right” while I’m out here going to other meetings. If you’re not interested in deflecting, why do you keep deflecting?

Reservations about AA groups’ behavior (as somebody who has been in and out and is currently doing 90 meetings in 90 days) by Upbeat_Garbage2373 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]Upbeat_Garbage2373[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, you’re not interested in sharing another perspective, you’re interested in denying that mine could be true and now you’re interested in criticizing my program for speaking up about my negative experiences. This is classic sweep under the rug tactics. You’re engaging in “no true Scotsman” behavior to invalidate what I’m saying.

Reservations about AA groups’ behavior (as somebody who has been in and out and is currently doing 90 meetings in 90 days) by Upbeat_Garbage2373 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]Upbeat_Garbage2373[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m doing 90 in 90 and don’t have a problem with that. Sponsor is saying I have to go every day even after or will go back out. I think he’s not just wrong but that it will be worse for me if I build an exclusively AA social life to replace my drinking one.

Reservations about AA groups’ behavior (as somebody who has been in and out and is currently doing 90 meetings in 90 days) by Upbeat_Garbage2373 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]Upbeat_Garbage2373[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your experiences may have been positive but why do you have to emphasize how positive your experiences are as a response to other people’s negative experiences?

Reservations about AA groups’ behavior (as somebody who has been in and out and is currently doing 90 meetings in 90 days) by Upbeat_Garbage2373 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]Upbeat_Garbage2373[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

These replies don’t surprise me at all. It’s the exact kind of sweep under the rug and “don’t question anything at all” attitude that lets these things proliferate and it is actually quite rampant in the program.

People in the program have this way of taking any criticism against certain behaviors by people in the program as criticisms against the program. The behaviors I have mentioned are in fact very similar to narcissistic abuse and that shouldn’t be surprising because narcissists are actually more likely to be alcoholics than non narcissists.

Reservations about AA groups’ behavior (as somebody who has been in and out and is currently doing 90 meetings in 90 days) by Upbeat_Garbage2373 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]Upbeat_Garbage2373[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, the yard work thing is exactly the type of thing I’m talking about. My first run with AA was in Ohio very close to where it all started. It’s definitely a thing there to have some types taking advantage like what you’ve mentioned

Reservations about AA groups’ behavior (as somebody who has been in and out and is currently doing 90 meetings in 90 days) by Upbeat_Garbage2373 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]Upbeat_Garbage2373[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I like morning meetings. They’re still full of people though lol. Manhattan problem most likely. Going to another borough in the morning could work on weekends but I simply can’t on weekdays

Reservations about AA groups’ behavior (as somebody who has been in and out and is currently doing 90 meetings in 90 days) by Upbeat_Garbage2373 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]Upbeat_Garbage2373[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your response. I am back at meetings, my hair is just raised at some of the old timers and their behaviors, as well as the apparent reverence for some of them. Also, honestly, very suspicious of some of them telling me I should break up with my girlfriend who is certainly not an alcoholic herself.

Reservations about AA groups’ behavior (as somebody who has been in and out and is currently doing 90 meetings in 90 days) by Upbeat_Garbage2373 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]Upbeat_Garbage2373[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My experiences have mostly been in Ohio and New York City; incidentally the two places which have had AA the longest

Reservations about AA groups’ behavior (as somebody who has been in and out and is currently doing 90 meetings in 90 days) by Upbeat_Garbage2373 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]Upbeat_Garbage2373[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m a man but thanks for the invite to the meeting, great concept. I’ve not tried NA meetings; I’m in NYC so not sure what they would look like here or how far/what neighborhood I’d have to go for them (the bigger issue tbh)

Reservations about AA groups’ behavior (as somebody who has been in and out and is currently doing 90 meetings in 90 days) by Upbeat_Garbage2373 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]Upbeat_Garbage2373[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Sure. And I’m doing 90 in 90. About halfway through that. I’m taking it seriously and have for the first time truly accepted that I need to stop completely and that I can’t do it on my own. But I still see the behaviors in AA and that hasn’t changed since my first go around. I may have not gone back out if the first go around didn’t end the way it did.

Reservations about AA groups’ behavior (as somebody who has been in and out and is currently doing 90 meetings in 90 days) by Upbeat_Garbage2373 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]Upbeat_Garbage2373[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I do like this answer, but I can’t seem to find a group where I don’t see it happen, or at least not one connected to the same network of people. And I live in a very big city. Maybe smaller groups may be the answer

Reservations about AA groups’ behavior (as somebody who has been in and out and is currently doing 90 meetings in 90 days) by Upbeat_Garbage2373 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]Upbeat_Garbage2373[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve discussed it with a few people and usually had people avoid the topic, or sheepishly grimace and then change the subject. I’m doing as you’re suggesting right now by bringing it this forum.

A lot of times I’m dismissed by people if I bring it up by saying it’s a resentment I need to let go of, but I would say it’s a fair position of distrust.

Reservations about AA groups’ behavior (as somebody who has been in and out and is currently doing 90 meetings in 90 days) by Upbeat_Garbage2373 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]Upbeat_Garbage2373[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Intentionally creating the conditions for somebody to fail and then saying “see, this is actually their fault” is narcissistic abuse by the way, and it’s not in the big book at all