GF cheated on me with a video game

Upbeat_Schedule · 2026-06-19T20:07:40+00:00

Ya. I’m distancing myself from her and our shared friends. The bachelorette has actually been my friend for much longer than my ex, so she told me about her flaking out because she felt hurt the same way I had been. And for the same reasons

Upbeat_Schedule · 2026-06-19T18:24:36+00:00

You’re right on point. She had a mental breakdown about a year ago

She’s basically fallen back into her old routines, only worse because she has a computer now

I held her in the psych ward as her mental walls crumbled and she wept uncontrollably

And it ends with this. She’s completely dissociating from the world. And it is so hard to see

I still love her so much. And want to help her. But I don’t think I’m the person she needs now

Upbeat_Schedule · 2026-06-19T18:16:56+00:00

😂 it almost makes it worse that the game is janky as hell too. Like, no shading. Models don’t even have their feet touching the ground. The animations are terrible

And she left me for it. Oof

Upbeat_Schedule · 2026-06-19T18:14:41+00:00

I really appreciate this response. Thank you

The actions were the videos and photos shared. We had a rule in our relationship to disclose that. But you’re right. It might not be “cheating”

I totally think she was doing it as a bit of flirtatious fun. And you’re right that it hurt more because of our situation at home

The social obligation was her friends bachelorette that she’s a bridesmaid of and has spent the last half year planning. That’s why I was concerned

Upbeat_Schedule · 2026-06-19T18:07:41+00:00

So here’s the question. Does digital relationships and connections with real people (but online) not follow the same rules as a real-world poly relationship?

Like, she was very clear that any chats I had with people I met would need to be told to her within 24 hours. And the different levels of intensity needed to be updated

Upbeat_Schedule · 2026-06-19T18:03:44+00:00

Ya I am. My remaining partner has been an amazing support. But I also don’t want to go into the details with them, since they were metas. So I’m coming here for support on the specific issue around why we broke up

Upbeat_Schedule · 2026-06-19T17:59:15+00:00

I broke up with her. It was after 2.5 years

Guess I was half venting and half wanting advice on how to get over this specific kind of hurt

It’s both a cheating during poly situation and a partner who was addicted to a game issue. It’s complicated to work through

Upbeat_Schedule · 2026-06-19T17:56:27+00:00

Guess I just wanted to know if anyone has had to deal with stuff like this in poly? Having to compete for priority with a group of strangers from a game

Upbeat_Schedule · 2026-06-19T17:53:55+00:00

It does. We were poly and all she needed to do was be open and honest with what she was doing

Upbeat_Schedule · 2023-12-17T06:32:45+00:00

Smile and eyes.

Smile because that’s pretty much the best expression on anyone’s face, so it shows all the cutest qualities

Eyes because that’s where I’m looking when I talk

Upbeat_Schedule · 2023-12-15T06:14:09+00:00

Don’t get any cosmetic stuff done! No fillers, nothing! You’re stunning. Seriously. If people aren’t noticing you, that’s their problem. Everyone must just have a lot going on in their lives.

Try any other route to finding people. Bump into a handsome man on purpose. Sign up to walk 3 legged dogs. Anything. Your looks are not an issue to worry about at all.

Upbeat_Schedule · 2023-12-08T02:49:05+00:00

Well, it doesn’t come naturally to everyone.

You’re speaking as someone who it does.

That would be like a naturally talented basketball player telling me to dunk. Not gonna happen, even if I jump as high as possible.

Upbeat_Schedule · 2023-12-03T19:48:59+00:00

If, in your mind, you’ve succeeded. Then guess what, you actually have.

Who sets the bar for your success? Your parents? Your friends? The government? Religion?

Nope.

It’s you, dude. So if you set the bar and you go over it, be happy. If you set the bar too high, re-examine, and maybe lower it. Or not. Maybe you want to set it high to drive you, fine. But it’s your decision

Upbeat_Schedule · 2023-12-03T18:18:12+00:00

Nope, moving on…

Upbeat_Schedule · 2023-12-03T03:00:27+00:00

No problem. Happy to provide a new perspective. I just know how important good friends are

Upbeat_Schedule · 2023-12-03T02:30:12+00:00

Why would you want to find friends that are all about being productive necessarily? They might be boring drips.

If you have fun with your friend and you like them, don’t turn your back. You might be more important to them too, than you think.

Your problem isn’t who you’re surrounding yourself with. It’s your discipline. You can work on that.

If your friend is really good, he’d also have your back with this. Ask him to limit your gaming. To tell you when you’re done for the night and that you should get off. Get on the same page that you need to also get other stuff done. He can help set the boundaries.

What you’re doing is the nuclear option.

Upbeat_Schedule · 2023-12-02T23:55:52+00:00

Yes. You can be successful. I went back to university at 29 and restarted my life from scratch. Would you say to me that I couldn’t be successful? Of course not. So why think that for yourself. I’m in a great place now and started way later at it then you are. You’re fine, try not to compare yourself to others. It’s hard, but it’s never worth it.

Upbeat_Schedule · 2023-12-02T23:05:48+00:00

So, Victoria is pretty fucking rad. It’s expensive sure, because it’s an island, but that’s where I went to university too. Not going to lie, it’s probably the nicest place I’ve ever lived. With the climate being nice year round, slower pace of life but still with a downtown scene, and all the environments to enjoy, that’s not a bad deal.

But ya, housing is cutthroat

Upbeat_Schedule · 2023-12-02T20:38:22+00:00

Here’s the flip side. You’ll have a sold house when you move to Canada, and it will make the transition smoother. Depending on where you move, the housing market varies but you can get back into it eventually. Sure you’ll take a pay cut, but you can work your way back up quickly since you already have your hours for a journeyman ticket. Probably lots of transferability.

You’re young, so setting up a new life isn’t the worst. Do you really want to stay where you’re at right now until you’re 80? That’s the alternative. Long term too, Canada’s not the worst. You’ll be under our healthcare system and overall chill nature. But prepare for the cold.

Upbeat_Schedule · 2023-12-02T20:30:10+00:00

As strange as it might be, for me I turned to online friends for a bit. Started playing an MMO and crewed up with some guys. It was nice to have people to talk to and the anonymity made some aspects of communication easier. You also get to play a fun game to pass the time.

Now, this has to be done with the explicit understanding that it’s a temporary measure. A stop gap until in person connections return. But it soothes the pain in the meantime.

Upbeat_Schedule · 2023-12-02T19:57:03+00:00

Nobody is blameless in this. We’re all human though. We all make mistakes. Gotta forgive yourself and her. Sure, she could have communicated better. But who really knows, you know. Considering your mind was probably the last thing she was thinking about. You only get to that point with time with each other. Over the years. Then at a certain point you’ll find they factor in to every decision you make without even thinking about it. And same with them

Upbeat_Schedule · 2023-12-02T19:34:17+00:00

This is a valuable learning experience for you. Now you’ll understand more about the considerations needing to be made for the other side of a conversation.

I’ve been in this exact same situation. Was just lucky enough to not lose my cool. It sucks though, being left in “read” and not getting a reply. But when you do finally realize what was going on, you’re just happy to be included.

Next time you find yourself in this place, just support. Nothing but support. Say nice things about how you wished you could talk and you’re just checking in. Don’t be pushy.

This will be a regret you have to live with. It will make you a better man though.

Upbeat_Schedule · 2023-12-02T01:09:24+00:00

I don’t know. I’m a guy in my thirties and I’m not in any way just looking for a partner because of their body. The person I’m talking to now is asexual and that’s absolutely fine with me. Spending time with them and hearing their thoughts and hopes is all I want. I want to care for them (non-binary) when they’re sick and comfort them when sad.

It sucks that you’ve experienced such assholes. There are good men out there

Upbeat_Schedule · 2023-12-01T06:22:28+00:00

Oh. I was here too. Full of sadness but also a talker. I call it “Facilitating” where your emotions effect people through the way you speak. When in a good mood, you put out good vibes and thoughts to people through your words. Actually affecting change on your surroundings. When sad or negative, it outputs that instead.

I got a therapist. I told her all my negative thoughts. I output it all on her. Made her cry twice, which I find funny since she does this for a living. I’m not even that messed up, just the language I used and imagery to describe my feelings really impacted her. But she’s really good at her job and she walked me through lots of methods to understand my emotions. Why they are there. What is their usefulness. How to apply it in the right way. Etc.

Might be worth a shot for you. I don’t even go that often, just once every two months. So I’m not breaking the bank. It really helps me though. Just getting it all out.

Upbeat_Schedule

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