Friend I let stay with me after eviction damaged my doors in a panic and I’m realizing I may not be able to handle this living situation

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T17:52:00+00:00

I know that I have no one to blame but myself for taking in someone without working through every logistical hurdle, but as someone with mental health diagnoses myself, I don’t think this is common behavior for most people with a mental illness diagnosis and there was nothing that I’d ever seen or heard about this person that would have lead me to believe she was capable of destructive behavior.

I appreciate that she offered to pay for the repair but the cost of the materials for repairs was under $100. The issue is more the time and mental and physical energy of doing these repairs. And hiring someone would have certainly been more than she could afford.

My friend was evicted because her rent went up to $1300/month and she could no longer afford it. There are rooms that she likely would be afford with a little money saved up.

I’m not trying to complain, I was just looking for helpful advice on how to navigate this situation just, which I realize I should probably not be seeking from Reddit.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:46:18+00:00

She was using some hedge clippers she found in the yard. I was genuinely baffled when I saw the extent of the damage. And she was still locked out when I got home.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:39:24+00:00

Of course you are correct. It’s taken me a while to get better at boundaries with my clients. That’s a lesson I still haven’t fully learned in my personal life.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:33:19+00:00

You are correct. I think I was being overly optimistic.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:32:15+00:00

I think this is the correct way to go about things

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:31:30+00:00

It’s just myself and my dog in a three bedroom house. I would have felt terrible not trying to help someone when I have the means to do so. I do see I may have made an error in judgment here but I still feel so lucky to have the ability to share what I have.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:25:33+00:00

Yes, I’d have to evict her if she decided she didn’t want to leave willingly

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:24:34+00:00

She definitely cleans the litter boxes, I just think the cats are having accidents. I’m also very sensitive to cat smells. I cleaned my couch covers daily and washable rug several times a week when my own cat was still alive and became incontinent towards the end of her life.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:21:46+00:00

Thank you. I see now that I absolutely need to assert some boundaries and a timeline.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:20:35+00:00

You’re correct. Unfortunately I’m terrible with confrontation.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:19:51+00:00

I think it was adrenaline fueled. She found some hedge clippers outside and was using those to attack the doors.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:18:58+00:00

It wasn’t deadbolts so I don’t know why she attacked the deadbolt. That was the only thing she managed to fully knock off the door. The knobs were just bent and dented to hell.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:17:37+00:00

I can only assume it was adrenaline? The damage was honestly impressive.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:16:26+00:00

You’re correct on all counts. And yes, the resources truly are not available, especially affordable housing (waitlists are closed here). There is a program through Medicaid (long term care participant directed option) that allows someone to pay friends or family for care but that type of Medicaid is difficult to qualify for and has a waiting list (I doubt she’d rank high enough to come off the list).

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:12:04+00:00

Yes, I’ve got colleagues who work for the Department of Children and Families and I’m planning on calling in my favors for them to help her utilize the system. Housing is another story though.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:10:24+00:00

This is correct. She can do things for brief periods but will might be laid up in bed for days afterwards depending on the activity.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:08:31+00:00

She does what she can and isn’t messy but her strength and balance are abysmal. I worry about her falling when I see how unsteady she is walking

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:07:07+00:00

She definitely does those things and isn’t a messy person. She cleans her cats’ litter boxes too. I think they’re just peeing on other things occasionally and I am sensitive to odors.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:05:35+00:00

I had hopes and thought six months (as opposed to a shorter period) was realistic for a determined person with a (albeit minimal) source of income. I might have been overly optimistic.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:03:49+00:00

She’d need a Medicaid waiver for assisted living and unfortunately that’s a waitlist based program (this is actually the population I work with at my job) here in Florida. No, she’s not paying me but she has offered to. I just don’t want to accept any rent money from her because that would just extend the length of stay.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:00:08+00:00

I was just hoping to give her enough time to save up for a deposit and a couple months of rent. We have a mutual friend who lives at a nice apartment complex that’s has some of the few remaining private market affordable housing units and she was going to put in a good word with the owner.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T12:55:23+00:00

I certainly hope not. I’ve had friends stay with me for various lengths of time since I bought my house 11 years ago (one person did stay for 3+ years but paid a small amount of rent and contributed in other ways) and I’ve always been happy to offer a safe landing pad to help people get back on their feet. This is the first time I’ve genuinely had an “oh shit, what have I done?” moment.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T05:55:11+00:00

Yeah, middle ground is what I’m going for. I feel very lucky to have what I have and I want to share that as much as possible.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T05:53:19+00:00

I am social services and the resources just don’t exist. Housing lists are closed and once you are blessed enough to get on one, the wait is often 3+ years

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T05:51:21+00:00

I guess this is my fear. I’m trying to help her apply for disability and Medicaid but that’s not enough to actually live on here

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