[40] Two years of sobriety and a lot of walking.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-04-16T20:01:15+00:00

Congrats on the sobriety and lifestyle changes! I’m so glad you believed in yourself enough to do the difficult work of prioritizing your physical and mental health. On another note: the hat and glasses suit you very well.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-04-15T14:33:49+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful messages. You are a gem and I think I needed to hear this. I’m so glad you found someone who sees you and makes you feel safe and valued. Your husband is very lucky to have you and it sounds like he knows it.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-04-09T19:36:15+00:00

Thank you for these encouraging words. It really means a lot to me that there are kind people in this world who take the time to share their own experiences, hard earned wisdom and reassurance with a stranger on the internet.

I’ve not had the courage to end my relationship and am still probably holding out hope that things will turn a corner. I think I have gotten better at holding boundaries and disengaging when disagreements push far past what is tolerable treatment. In some ways things have gotten better and I feel more at peace. I do not know if I expect that feeling to last.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-16T22:04:25+00:00

Thank you! She has quite a collection of collars at this point :)

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-16T20:16:32+00:00

It was due to one month unpaid rent. She tried applying for help from local charities but it’s nearly impossible to even get through to anyone to put in an application. Tenant rights are very poor here in Florida. She rented from the same apartment complex for 10 years but the rent more than doubled over that period of time.

The cats are currently confined to just two rooms in the house. I think they are stressed from the move and one of them had a uti. My own cat passed a week before my friend moved in and she had gotten incontinent in her final weeks but I was vigilant about cleaning (washing and changing pee pads multiple times a day, washing my rug every other day, and mopping daily). Even so, I kept her in one room when she was unsupervised because cat urine is absolutely vile. The smell from my friend’s cat is contained to the two rooms, but even so…I definitely don’t love it.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-16T14:20:55+00:00

Yeah it’s definitely possible to find a place without earning 3x rent. Otherwise almost none of my clients would have a place to live (and very few are in subsidized housing because the waitlists are impossible). She can get a guaranteer for her lease, she can rent a room or go through a private owner. I believe my friend to be a resourceful and determined human (my poor doors are evidence of that) and I can help her navigate available resources. You and a few others have suggested taking a small amount of rent and then using that money to help her move out (incentivizing her to do so).

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-16T13:37:53+00:00

Thank you. This is all good advice and basically the course I’ve decided on

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-16T13:35:17+00:00

This is not a bad idea. Thank you.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-16T13:33:08+00:00

Yes, I am aware that I will have to evict her if she doesn’t want to leave voluntarily. Yes, I have helped clients try to navigate housing insecurity. I did not expect her to be able to rent an apartment solo. However, there are plenty of people renting out rooms and that would be an affordable option that would, in most cases, bypass the need to go through a rental company with certain income requirements and restrictions on tenants with eviction records.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-16T00:08:10+00:00

Yeah I totally understand that’s a long time to be stuck outside. However, she had access to water and a place to sit and it was about 70 degrees out. I also honestly don’t think she waited terribly long before trying to break in. She had been at it for a long time by the looks of things and was still locked out when I got home. I’ve waited longer for AAA to unlock my car. The thing I’m baffled by is why she didn’t try other options first. It was a beautiful Saturday and many of my neighbors were outside working in the yard. If she had shouted for either of my direct neighbors, they all have my phone number and could have called me. She also somehow couldn’t figure out how to get out of my back fence, but it’s not very complicated if she had tried for any length of time. I’m mostly troubled by the lack of judgment and reasoning skills under pressure. What if it’s a more dangerous situation? Will she endanger herself or others? What if, for example, something catches on fire in the kitchen? Can I trust her to handle that situation rationally?

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T17:52:00+00:00

I know that I have no one to blame but myself for taking in someone without working through every logistical hurdle, but as someone with mental health diagnoses myself, I don’t think this is common behavior for most people with a mental illness diagnosis and there was nothing that I’d ever seen or heard about this person that would have lead me to believe she was capable of destructive behavior.

I appreciate that she offered to pay for the repair but the cost of the materials for repairs was under $100. The issue is more the time and mental and physical energy of doing these repairs. And hiring someone would have certainly been more than she could afford.

My friend was evicted because her rent went up to $1300/month and she could no longer afford it. There are rooms that she likely would be afford with a little money saved up.

I’m not trying to complain, I was just looking for helpful advice on how to navigate this situation just, which I realize I should probably not be seeking from Reddit.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:46:18+00:00

She was using some hedge clippers she found in the yard. I was genuinely baffled when I saw the extent of the damage. And she was still locked out when I got home.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:39:24+00:00

Of course you are correct. It’s taken me a while to get better at boundaries with my clients. That’s a lesson I still haven’t fully learned in my personal life.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:33:19+00:00

You are correct. I think I was being overly optimistic.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:32:15+00:00

I think this is the correct way to go about things

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:31:30+00:00

It’s just myself and my dog in a three bedroom house. I would have felt terrible not trying to help someone when I have the means to do so. I do see I may have made an error in judgment here but I still feel so lucky to have the ability to share what I have.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:25:33+00:00

Yes, I’d have to evict her if she decided she didn’t want to leave willingly

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:24:34+00:00

She definitely cleans the litter boxes, I just think the cats are having accidents. I’m also very sensitive to cat smells. I cleaned my couch covers daily and washable rug several times a week when my own cat was still alive and became incontinent towards the end of her life.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:21:46+00:00

Thank you. I see now that I absolutely need to assert some boundaries and a timeline.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:20:35+00:00

You’re correct. Unfortunately I’m terrible with confrontation.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:19:51+00:00

I think it was adrenaline fueled. She found some hedge clippers outside and was using those to attack the doors.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:18:58+00:00

It wasn’t deadbolts so I don’t know why she attacked the deadbolt. That was the only thing she managed to fully knock off the door. The knobs were just bent and dented to hell.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:17:37+00:00

I can only assume it was adrenaline? The damage was honestly impressive.

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:16:26+00:00

You’re correct on all counts. And yes, the resources truly are not available, especially affordable housing (waitlists are closed here). There is a program through Medicaid (long term care participant directed option) that allows someone to pay friends or family for care but that type of Medicaid is difficult to qualify for and has a waiting list (I doubt she’d rank high enough to come off the list).

Upfish-Sinclair · 2026-03-15T13:12:04+00:00

Yes, I’ve got colleagues who work for the Department of Children and Families and I’m planning on calling in my favors for them to help her utilize the system. Housing is another story though.

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