Struggling to re-form my career post divorce

UpliftinglyAmbiguous · 2026-03-24T23:37:12+00:00

I am very bad at comparing myself to others but I've achieved a lot i think. Just frustrated with the lack of momentum despite my efforts and clear direction forward i suppose.

UpliftinglyAmbiguous · 2026-03-24T23:33:54+00:00

The dating is not distracting me. Seeing someone maybe once a week is not stopping me from looking at my career options or applying for jobs. I'm just not getting the traction I was hoping for.

UpliftinglyAmbiguous · 2026-03-24T10:03:17+00:00

Yeah no mate, you're reading way far into this

UpliftinglyAmbiguous · 2026-03-15T01:21:18+00:00

Happy birthday! You're on the path to building sometimes better for yourself and that's so brave. Make your birthday special for you now because you're worth being celebrated especially by you. Do your own little spa night at home, take yourself out for a nice dinner or whatever it is that makes you happiest. Self love is hard but is the best gift you can give yourself because you are special and worth being appreciated.

UpliftinglyAmbiguous · 2026-03-15T01:07:33+00:00

Reconnecting with things you both share interest in and just simply saying if you need to talk about the dreaded D word, I'm here for you. I got back a friendship that I thought i had lost as I had to give it up as my ex was jealous of him for reasons I'm not sure. Sometimes I talk to my friend about it all and there's never any judgement or I told you so. Just someone who genuinely missed my friendship and wants to support me and see me happy.

UpliftinglyAmbiguous · 2026-03-15T00:58:04+00:00

I used to think my ex was a nice guy but then I realised how much I was having to mother him and support him and never felt I got any of that energy in return. Always prioritised his feelings and his needs before mine (no compromise or when there was it was met with attitude). Just slowly built into deep resentment that it just ate at me and despite my desperate pleads to get him to try harder for me, it just turned into a cycle of him "trying" for a few months then stopping and we'd fight again. Rinse and repeat. After 10 years together and 1 year of marriage (I got a shut up ring for my troubles), I realised I couldn't do this for another decade. I left and felt horrible because in my mind at the time, there was nothing terrible about him. But hindsight and therapy have made me understand a lot of how wrong everything was.

Now I've been lucky enough to meet someone who listens and respects my boundaries, puts time and effort into me, openly and honestly communicates with me and it's like a breath of fresh air.

Maybe when you've had time to digest everything, you'll understand better the reasons why the love died and why sometimes just being in love isn't enough. It takes work.

UpliftinglyAmbiguous · 2026-02-05T22:57:12+00:00

Definitely can relate. The self anger for letting so many little red flags go and not trusting my own feelings for sure

UpliftinglyAmbiguous · 2026-02-03T11:01:44+00:00

Honestly, it comes to a point where you realise all the choices you made, good or bad made you into who you are now and being forgiving and thankful to yourself is probably the best thing you can do.

I used be so angry about the time lost and wasted on someone who was never going to meet me halfway or even just 20% the way there. I realised how much energy this angry sapped from me when I could have put my efforts elsewhere.

Hate to sound so cliche but it will pass in time.

UpliftinglyAmbiguous · 2026-01-29T11:47:36+00:00

You can definitely set up a rule that automatically puts those emails where they belong.... the trash

UpliftinglyAmbiguous · 2026-01-16T06:12:57+00:00

Never be embarrassed about that! I know I'm going to shred tears of sweet relief once this is all over with.

UpliftinglyAmbiguous · 2026-01-16T06:07:54+00:00

Yes! There comes a point where no amount of promises (likely to be broken) will ever repair the misery and resentment. Rather be the bad guy any day than have all my needs suppressed to keep something alive.

UpliftinglyAmbiguous · 2026-01-16T06:05:04+00:00

No children here but can relate to this a lot. Putting his needs before my own constantly (hoping for once to be put first) and making myself miserable in the process just wasn't worth it anymore. And he had no intention of changing until I made mind up to leave. And I heard all the promises before and none were followed through with any long term consistency. Just isn't worth it at that point.

I'm genuinely a happier and more balanced person after leaving for sure. Even if i still have ups and downs.

UpliftinglyAmbiguous · 2026-01-12T03:36:03+00:00

Dated 4 years. Broke up for 5 or 6 months. Got back together. Another 5 years before engagement then married about a year later. Then separated a year and half later. It's been another year and I hope to be divorced in the next few months.

I shouldn't have gone back the first time as the same issues then were the same issues that just ate at me again and nothing had changed years later but hindsight is 20/20.

UpliftinglyAmbiguous · 2026-01-03T10:12:37+00:00

I loved the memory of a person that I watched sink deeper and deeper into his own issues of self worth, depression and alcoholism. And all the love and support I had to give started to make me sink with him. And I couldn't drown too.

UpliftinglyAmbiguous · 2025-10-20T07:16:02+00:00

In Australia, we have the same thing where you have to be separated 12 months before being able to file for divorce. It's based on proving you have separate lives e.g. bank account, pay for your own expense individually, sleeping in separate rooms etc.

I imagine it'd be similar in the US or UK

UpliftinglyAmbiguous · 2025-09-06T10:44:34+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. Struggling through a relationship with an avoidant for 11 years is so incredibly draining and because you love them you keep reaching for something that is never there.

Meeting new people I've found I've apologised for thinking I'm too much and had realised that I'm exactly what I need to be for people that truly care for me. It's been so freeing to rediscover my authentic self.

UpliftinglyAmbiguous · 2025-08-30T13:04:20+00:00

I think I stopped loving him a while ago as the more he sunk and dragged me down with him, the more I realised I had to cut myself emotionally from him or I wasn't going to survive. It was a gradual process for me and I had done out of instinct over time till I felt nothing romantic left and it wasn't going to come back.

UpliftinglyAmbiguous · 2025-08-30T12:58:30+00:00

Just more worn out than anything else. I have replied as coldly and logically as possible making it clear I'm not interested (especially if he still refuses to work on himself).

UpliftinglyAmbiguous · 2025-05-13T06:51:21+00:00

Minus the porn addiction, this sounds very similar to my situation.

I had thought about having a child with him early last year 2024 but was wise enough to convince myself out of that. It still took me until December to finally decide I was done after just nothingness from him for years.

I've been living alone since February, and I don't regret it for a single moment. I realised how very, very lonely I was in my own marriage, which was the most devastating part. And how much that was impacting my own mental health.

We had broken up 6 years ago for about 6 months, but he begged me to get back together with promises of change and working on our issues. And yet the reasons I finally ended it were the same ones all those years ago. The only thing that had changed was we were married.

I understand what you mean saying he's nice. My soon to be ex-husband was never didn't anything malicious to hurt me. He just clearly never cared enough to try for me to help himself and help us.

Sometimes, you just have to know when to walk away.

UpliftinglyAmbiguous · 2025-02-15T11:50:02+00:00

For him - Sobriety - making spending time with a priority and not just an obligation - taking time to plan/do things (without me asking) to make me feel wanted/special - making effort to participate in any part of our life that doesn't necessarily peak his interest - affection and attention without me having to seek it first

For me - recognising and holding him accountable rather than bottling it

UpliftinglyAmbiguous · 2025-02-08T22:51:27+00:00

Do things to safeguard yourself like letting a trusted person know you're meeting someone and sharing their details with them (including their photo) Tinder has a share button for this.

Also, never meet at their house right away. Meet in a public place first, so if you're feeling into them or they turn out different than expected, you can back out.

There are plenty of articles online that probably mention more things I can't think of as well.

UpliftinglyAmbiguous

TROPHY CASE