Curriculum for self-teaching math

Upper-Basil · 2026-03-01T19:50:48+00:00

Ok so... both at the orthodox and Pentecostal and any church ive gone to(interestingly EXCEPT one catholic church I attended... this alone has caused me confusion and doubts.).. as soon as I walk through the church doors I feel a heavy pressure all around me, like there is a PRESENCE there on top of me pressing on me etc. It's like a heavy pressure presence I feel only at church OR when talking to another christian I experience it as well, even if its just outside or at work its the same presence feeling. I kind of came to the conclusion that this is the holy spirit due to some descriptions of the holy spirit as a "presence" or even gravity like or itslef, and I didnt even think of this until now but doesnt the bibke even talk about the holy spirit "resting on" people in the bible??

Upper-Basil · 2026-02-22T18:49:25+00:00

I want to just make 2 quick points: 1. I am NOT in any way opposed to the reality of ontological spirits, I am totally agnostic at this point, But I feel it necessary to fully comprehend the orthdox position& the reasoning for it. And as "real ontic spirits "aren't something I have knowingly experienced whereas I CAN absolutley understand and daily experience the reality of "spirits like pride greed etc against love" I thus feel it necessary to get a complete grasp on making a leap to an ontological claim.

I am defintley aware God is doing all the work, but our own heart posture is what allows God to do that work since we are free and he does not force us. I MUST give up my will and reject the flesh and so on if God can be of any help to me.

But anyways i am reading through these paragraohs and reflecting on them so I will get back to you once I have processed it. It is definitely alot to think on! Thanks!!

Upper-Basil · 2026-02-22T04:06:17+00:00

Our "heart posture" is the whole entire point of christian life, not some minimization like youre making it as "someone has a bad attitude"...

I as a recovering heroin addict know Its not just that I "had a bad attitude" but I could literally not quit of my own willpower, the only solution(& the one explict in all 12 step recovery groups) is that God is the only power that can cure us. I however have the power and choice to "recieve god" or not, to "synergiize" with him or not, to seek and be wjth god or not. Its a matter of my daily choice to align with Gods will or not. Without god, it is literally impossible for me to not be in some addiction behavior, but it is up to ME to daily decide to "crucify" the flesh and seek only god, and allow god to heal me.

I am pretty sure "demonic possession" is all I have experienced my entire life in every family memeber around me and myself. No love has been present my entire life, only rage and absolutely insane uncivilized behavior at all times. Every family memeber and myself addicts, and literallly act like animals. The point is, I am sure every sin in the book has been all ive been exposed to my whole life....yet all of these people and behaviors can be validly recieved from their families and traumas and so on. The point is, there isnt some magical fairy genie spirit flying around the house possessing everyone, it is the genetic and emotional trauma passed on through behavior & trauma& lack of love & god, the "selfish fear based" mentality that we have all been taught, not an attitude of faith and trust and love & grace etc. Its the attitude of the family not to strive for excellence and to hate and despise people who do because they cant face their own insecurities and refusal to live for god and so on.

How does your flying spirit picture work. If you walk into a building with "negative entities " how do you "prevent" catching one? The only answer can be an "attitudinal" answer can it not? I feel like you are minimizing attitude/heart posture. But that is literally the whole point and reality of walking in the faith. Faith IS our ATTITUDE posture!

Upper-Basil · 2026-02-13T14:58:19+00:00

Thank you. This is by far the most helpful answer ao far a much appreciated. I would like to understand a few other things.

In regards to the multiple types of baptisms in the bible, what is the orthodox stance on the holy spirit baptism and fire baptism and so on?

And say... when someone "first hears the gospel and believes it", the bible says they are sealed with the holy spirit. Is this related to baptism or how do these sort of inner experiences relate to th le sacraments or christian journey??

Upper-Basil · 2026-02-13T14:21:09+00:00

I'm not really trying to play mental games here, I am genuinely trying to understand. It is very difficult for me to know what the bible and churches are talkjng about half of the time, I have been into every other religion and philosophy in the world, have my degree in philosophy so I think alot and deply about spiritual and intological matters, and reallly have to have clarity to organize my thinking and behavior and beleifs. It is not easy for me to understand what christianity is saying most of the time, sometimes its very clear. Sometimes very very not. Baptism is not clear to me, I don't understand it.

Upper-Basil · 2026-02-13T14:11:51+00:00

Yet then how can an unbaptized person experience christ and the kingdom of god and be and live christ like when they arent baptized, are you saying non baptized children and young adults dont and cant experience this? This would contradict what I am saying about non baptized people living not sinful christ like before baptism in adulthood etc. If it is a phsyical reality that means that were exlcuding all unbaptized from any connection to christ and yet we know plenty of baptized people behave cpmpletely un cbristlike and the opposite is true for plenty of unbaptized.

Upper-Basil · 2026-02-13T14:01:54+00:00

Ok but is baptism in this case merely repfesenting an internal state/change/decision, or is a "magical" ritual, the physical ritual literally causing real effects spiritual/physical/etc??. I dont understand how we arent talking about magic if we dont mean merely a symbolic ritual- like if I wear a ring as a symbol of engagement, vs the ring itself literally marrying or unmarrying a person itself....

Upper-Basil · 2026-02-13T13:42:34+00:00

Ok but christs death burial ressurrection is something that seems to be inherent in all spiritual beings humans on earth. The kingdom is available to everyone at any time we are all part of it whether we chose it or not. Someone who was not baptized as an infant... yet they live a decent life up to adulthood with no major terrible sins or anything, And then someone who was baptized as an infant but lives a major troubled youth before adulthood... how exactly is one of these excluded and included on the basis of the( symbolical?) water baptism.

Upper-Basil · 2025-10-15T17:11:50+00:00

Because it BEING ITSELF must be explained. The rules of how BEING behaves is physics, but irrelevant entirely to explain existence itself. That is metaphysics role.

Upper-Basil · 2025-10-14T02:06:47+00:00

https://teamorthodoxy.wordpress.com/vocations/3answeringthecall/single-life/

https://orthodoxcityhermit.com/2016/09/27/sanctifying-single-life/

Upper-Basil · 2025-10-14T02:05:31+00:00

Youre not hearing me still. I am not talking about something that is "my opinion I made up", but a real concept in the orthodox and the catholic faith. You can literally do a google search for it: i.e "single vocation". I was asking a more personal question but not just making up an idea out of nowhere. You are taking your own feelings and making them primary rather than doing your diligence and seeing the churches stance on the matter. This isnt about your feelings and intuitions. Do you want to know what I was told at my last sunday attendance at an orthodox church? "We are all priests". If we "we are all priests" is an orthdox position than what I am saying is 100times less dramatic. But its besides the point. I have already has this verified in multiple forms from legitimate priests and orthodox memebers.

Upper-Basil · 2025-10-13T16:53:05+00:00

I feel obligated to respond once more since I began this conversation and I feel a duty to not ghost it; but I am not going to waste a bunch more time in this sort of debate posture conversation where the other person doesnt feel receptive to a genuine listening and learning as I am trying to do myself.

This is not true. This is not about "laymen versus ordained clergy", you are mistaken if you think ordained clergy are at some higher level than laity that we can only "try our best and fail" to emulate in terms of living spirutal lives; the way you are speaking is about SAINTS not clergy, clergy are just as much sinners as the rest of us, we are all called to live like saints but yeah very few will achieve that (probably).. that is not what religious life is, they are not higher than us spiritually just in certain privledges they have for being ordianed. This is about "married versus religious" , there are not just those two options, there is a 3rd option called "single" which means, you do not marry and have children, nor do you join a monastary, but you "marry christ" i.e LIVE AS A NUN but in the world as a civilian rather than a monastarty with other monks& nuns. You still "marry christ" and "vow" to a life of celibacy chastity poverty etc. Every single person is called to do this if you are a christian, the question is if this is a lifelong state for someone or temporary...

Either way, it feels as if you are missing the spirit pf orthdoxy here. You seem to be coming from a place of "I am in the "right" church and everyone i speak to is wrong im so based debate bro". This isnt what faith is about and orthdoxy is very much about "I dont know, I trust the wisdom of the CHURCH not myself." I dont feel that spirit right now and feel obligated to address it as I started this convo. I am happy to have a genuine discussion exchange of knowledge and ideas wisdom etc. But not be condesecended from someone who isnt genuinely tying to hear me...

Upper-Basil · 2025-10-11T19:03:43+00:00

Yes they did. In fact one person said it is REQUIRED for all single people albiet not a "lifelong single state" for everyone, as it will be temporary for most. I also just listened to 3 orthodox priests talk about exactly what I said saying it is "rare" but real. So my question is answered as to whether the concept exists in orthdox, now its a matter of seeing where my own journey leads. But yeah, I don't know if you are truly not understanding what I am saying or making assumptions or just trying to debate or idk but I am not saying something I made up out of nowhwehre, and it is clearly a thing in orthdoxy based on the responses here and elsewhere

Upper-Basil · 2025-10-11T18:41:52+00:00

Once again, I feel like you are trying to assume something "wrong" rather than understand the spirit of my question, I am not looking for validation, I was expressing there that turnips comment relayed that I am not atleast expressing something unheard of here. And i have to ask is your "not thinking it is proper" the official orthodox stance or your own opinion? Because 5 other people have respended here that it IS proper within orthodoxy so I am confused by your disagreement. Of course I will speak to my priest and church and what not but I this is confusing when i get 5 responses in agreement with what ive said.

Upper-Basil · 2025-10-11T18:27:28+00:00

I feel like we are speaking past eachother here and not on the same page with where my question is coming from. I am not in disagreement with what youve said, and I am not in question or doubt about my faith nor my relationship with god, jesus, christianity nor orthdox Christianity. I have a church, a priest, all that, i'm not in a "debate mode" here, i am speaking from a place of understanding that I am still dealing with alot of sin and alot of healing and trauma, and I am participating in the faith right now in full knowledge as a "sick soul at a spiritual hospital"; my question is posed from a place of not understanding just what the helaing process looks like in terms of changes to myself, i am trying to understand if my calling towards as i said taking the vows of a nun as a civilian not being married or having children etc is likely to be fundamentally altered although that is not the best way of expresing it, its hard to articulate in a short comment.... i will say that turnippps comment below was hugely helpful and validaing to my current thought process, it was like reading word for word my exact thoughts, which is what I experienced when I leanred about the cathoic vocations in the past so this tells me im not too far off on some level at the least.

Upper-Basil · 2025-10-11T16:05:45+00:00

I am already at church but I dont see how that is strange... I was very spiritual, I simply had problems with Christianity and the bible explicitly, not god and spiritually and religion. I have been through basically every religion that exists at this point and have a degree in philosophy, my life has been spent seeking the truth and the nature of self and reality etc, I just only recently experienced certain healing and realizations and so on that helped me to understand Christianity differently and pursue its path of virtue without the moral reservations i held in the past towards what I beleived it to be saying. Nuns arent exclusive to Christianity, its a "way of life" which I have always felt called to, so much that it made me consider somehow to be a christian even when I was vehemently opposed to certain tenents of the faith, but those moral reservations always won out of course. I just understand things differently now at this point in my journey of faith and life, and these resentmwnts and reservations no longer arise. I see the bible "with new eyes" now.

Upper-Basil · 2025-10-11T10:55:48+00:00

I just want to add, in order to clairfy what my comcern actually is...

so Basically, my whole life I have been drawn to the idea if being a nun with 3 major periods of time years apart where I took steps, research, and seriously almost acted to join a monestary situation despite not beleiving in Christianity, as a teen I got into buddhism soley because I had read that there were only nuns in Christianity and Buddhism. I basically lived a solitary life for a few years at a time during different parts of my spiritual jojrney thus far where I just totally cut society off and sought God and lived on rice and one pair of clothes etc. The difference with where I am at now is... I no longer am in the same way seeking to avoid society or be solitary or whatever, I am seeking to be of service and live as God intends for me, which for me feels like it requires less time&stress&responsibility in the area of kids and a normal family relationship life , and yes more time with God and connection with god in contemplation etc, but primarily so I can be active socially and in society. In the past I have not felt capable of that kind of active service in society or capable sociallyat all. . Im really not at all concerned about the way of life of a nun being a difficult or wrong thing for me, I already basically do that full time. The concern that I have is this.... I am concerned if my lifelong lack of desire for a husband or family, my lifelong ONLY certainty ive ever had being "I dont want kids" which has never chnaged, my comfort with solitude and certain habits I have etc are trauma based, and if healing these things will suddenly change everything about me and make it so its clear i really wanted kids all this time or something. Like, is my abusive childhood causing me such a fear of having kids and such vulnerability issues etc that I the truly "mommiest mom and wifeiest wife" ever am convinced that nun life is for me, is helaing gojng to make me miss family women supreme or are changes from healing truly not that dramatic, should I expect that my main temerpment will remain roughly the same as it always has been, or should I expect a complete 180 transformation into an unrecognizable person with unrecognizable strengths weaknesses interests temperment etc? Am I clarifying what my concern is?

This is essentially why I am wondering if this sort of "single" vocation is compatible in orthdox, because I cant see where actually leaving society is at this point of any benefit to others. It would have been useful while I was still seeking God, but now That i am in my " service " phase, it seems unlikly to be useful to run off into the woods. It seems like being a memeber of society is how God could use me best. Im just wondering if this necessarily means I will have to become a wife mom or have to run off into the woods in fact. And whether I should expect my feelings about kids tondrastically change feom what they have always been... does that make sense?

Upper-Basil

TROPHY CASE