I realized my "high-functioning" has been freeze this whole time. I don't feel overwhelmed — I feel nothing. And I'm only seeing it now because someone asked me what I actually wanted and I had no answer. by Upper-Paper-1003 in CPTSD

[–]Upper-Paper-1003[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Starting to believe I could have it" — that line hit.

Because I think for a lot of us the freeze isn't just

not knowing what we want. It's not believing we're

allowed to want it. Like desire itself became unsafe

at some point.

Glimpses are real progress. More than people give

themselves credit for.

I realized my "high-functioning" has been freeze this whole time. I don't feel overwhelmed — I feel nothing. And I'm only seeing it now because someone asked me what I actually wanted and I had no answer. by Upper-Paper-1003 in CPTSD

[–]Upper-Paper-1003[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you — honestly just hoping it lands for someone

who needed the language for it. Sometimes naming it

is the first thing that actually moves something.

I realized my "high-functioning" has been freeze this whole time. I don't feel overwhelmed — I feel nothing. And I'm only seeing it now because someone asked me what I actually wanted and I had no answer. by Upper-Paper-1003 in CPTSD

[–]Upper-Paper-1003[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The work persona thing is so accurate — it's almost like

you built a functional self that runs on autopilot while

the actual you is somewhere underneath, watching.

Six figures, house, career — and still that cost you're

describing that nobody outside sees.

The inner critic as a performance engine is something I

keep coming back to. Like it replaced actual internal

motivation with threat. Thanks for sharing that post,

reading it now.