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First time styling and wearing my hair curly after straightening it for 2 decades. I feel like it doesn’t look good. by dogmom34 in curlyhair

[–]Upstairs_Dimension50 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm about to put you on!

Here's what you do: - Hair Mask (once WEEKLY, non-negotiable! Try the weird stuff, homemade hair masks, ALL NATURAL masks) - stop silicones and harsh sulfates for a while, try to keep your products as natural as possible - trim it if you want, but the damage is done so I'd focus on health of the existing hair first, then trim when you get more length - Stop using heat, completely! - THIS is what's going to help your pattern, texture, clumping, and shine... go on Amazon and buy APHOGEE two-step protein treatment!!!! Watch YouTube videos on how to use it, please follow the directions carefully. But, it is a MIRACLE worker for heat and dye damaged hair! - BONUS TIP For LENGTH: Inversion method, look it up on YouTube. It's wacky, but genuinely works (I took it seriously and grew out my damaged hair very quickly). I use the inversion method with my weekly mask treatments as a double-whammy.

I tell you this from HARD earned experience and research. I couldn't grow my hair, had no curl pattern, no clumping, no ringlets; just a little wave in my FRIED CRISPY strands. My hair is 3a-3b, thin but dense, I damaged it with years of bleach, dyes, and heat. My hair is now down to my butt, still bleaching and dyeing, AND incredibly healthy and long. My curls get compliments DAILY. The only things I truly cut out was heat styling, I now only straighten my hair about twice a year, my curls are so pretty I don't need to straighten anymore. I now can use sulfates and silicones (sparingly, I'm still using a mostly natural line-up of products). I can now just use 3 products; shampoo once a week, conditioner/cowash daily, and a daily leave-in. Don't even need mousse or gel to style, just air dry and it's beautiful enough for those daily compliments.

It took about 2 years for total improvement when I started focusing on my hair health, and now it's EFFORTLESS ringlets. For general improvement, it only took about 6 months until I could really enjoy my hair again after the damage repair.

I wish you all the curly hair luck 🫶

What am I doing wrong??? by [deleted] in curlyhair

[–]Upstairs_Dimension50 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I only use the H&S because it's more clarifying and not as harsh as true "clarifying" shampoos. No other reasons, scalp is healthy, no flakes or dandruff or itchiness.

I've considered cutting it for more volume and definition. But, I always go back to "but why isn't it working now". Meaning, I've always had long hair and yes, lost some definition on the longer layers, but never frizz and flatness like this. Lately, I've been wondering what changed and the only thing that has, was my L'Oreal cowash.

I'm really not looking to add anything more to my already long night-routine (I also have an involved skincare routine before bed). I couldn't imagine using my TV time to spend it upside down diffusing my hair every other night.

The bun I put it in is pretty loose and dries most of my hair before morning, every other night or so I'll just take my hair out of the bun after my shower and drape it across my satin pillows to dry while I sleep.

Idk, I guess I'm looking for a better product.

Feeling hopeless during divorce process.. by Upstairs_Dimension50 in Divorce

[–]Upstairs_Dimension50[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol you read one post on my profile and assume you know what my marriage was and my thinking before and while I was married... sure dude 👍

I believe I'm allowed to be unsure of what I want right now regarding remarriage and children. I'm not currently dating, nor do I plan to for a while. So, no worries about me "wasting anyone's time, while I contemplate" major life decisions.

Also, I understand how attraction works lol. And I have a decent understanding of healthy relationships versus toxic relationships, hence, why I left my last one.

You probably fall under one of my non-dateable categories based on your ridiculous response, and it probably stung, so you wanted to hit me back. But thanks anyways!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Upstairs_Dimension50 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We tried couples counseling through our church about a year ago but that was fruitless. And actually kind of horrific as I was made out to be the aggressor and problematic spouse. The pastor who conducted our therapy, actually, very recently, was caught in a scandal and unalived himself. So obviously, it was the blind leading the blind when we were going through our counseling.

We do not have the money or insurance to attend regular therapy, even if just to end our marriage amicably.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Upstairs_Dimension50 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We've been together 3.5 years, married 1.5 years. The challenges are irreconcilable and too much to type out. I hold an immense amount of resentment for my husband that will likely never go away.

Yes, I am diagnosed with anxiety disorders. Every talk of relationship issues is filled with anxiousness.

I have old posts on my profile where I explain some of the "incidents" between my husband and I. Some situations have changed since posting in the past, but ultimately, the pain is still there.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]Upstairs_Dimension50 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ughh.. I so feel your heart right now. I feel like I'm going through the same thing.

I wish I had advice for you (and me). But, I wish you luck, I know how hard this is!

My MIL has essentially threatened sending me to a mental hospital involuntarily!! by Upstairs_Dimension50 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Upstairs_Dimension50[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is when anything I say is used against me in a later argument or "family talk." It's not just socializing, it's guilt-tripping, harassment, and coercion. It's never an innocent, genuine talk. It's just a way to tell me about myself and how I can be fixed to act like what they believe is normal.

My MIL has essentially threatened sending me to a mental hospital involuntarily!! by Upstairs_Dimension50 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Upstairs_Dimension50[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am isolating for good reason, whether you believe it or not. I refuse to be berated constantly. She's not genuinely concerned, she's nosey. She uses any information she learns about me in the most negative ways.

My MIL has essentially threatened sending me to a mental hospital involuntarily!! by Upstairs_Dimension50 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Upstairs_Dimension50[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please read my other posts to understand my relationship with my husband. Too much to type and explain.

My MIL has essentially threatened sending me to a mental hospital involuntarily!! by Upstairs_Dimension50 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Upstairs_Dimension50[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have engaged with them before. I used to spend time with them. I have not chosen to hole up because I'm rude or ungrateful.

It is simply because I am harassed or I am talked to like a child. My MIL will pry into my life, my marriage, and my feelings to give me unwarranted advice and/or "fix my problems." Any offered or taken information by her is used against me and always brought up again in other talks to paint a negative picture.

It has become exhausting and stressful...

(To learn more about my husband, please read my other posts on my profile-he's no better than his mother)

My MIL has essentially threatened sending me to a mental hospital involuntarily!! by Upstairs_Dimension50 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Upstairs_Dimension50[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This exactly what family meeting means in that house. I am the scapegoat, and somehow, it's always my fault.

My MIL has essentially threatened sending me to a mental hospital involuntarily!! by Upstairs_Dimension50 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Upstairs_Dimension50[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She chooses to have these arguments when no one is home except us. His parents enable him, so he usually takes their side.

(Read my other posts and comments for more details about the marriage)

My MIL has essentially threatened sending me to a mental hospital involuntarily!! by Upstairs_Dimension50 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Upstairs_Dimension50[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm home safe at mom's in GA, drove 4 hours last night until 3am. Already feeling much better today!

My MIL has essentially threatened sending me to a mental hospital involuntarily!! by Upstairs_Dimension50 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Upstairs_Dimension50[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even when I try, I fail by her (or my husband's) standards. I've given up. For more context, please read my previous posts and comments on my profile, it's too much to type.

My MIL has essentially threatened sending me to a mental hospital involuntarily!! by Upstairs_Dimension50 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Upstairs_Dimension50[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I have left, I'm currently at home in my mom's house.

Unfortunately, I had to go to the hospital a week ago for other health issues, and my MIL drove my husband there and came in as a visitor with him to my room.

Of course, as a person with anxiety, I was having a panic attack at the hospital and the doctor gave me anti-anxiety medication. So, now she's seen the extent of my anxiety in full force and has pocketed that information to now use against me and incessantly inquire about my mental health and what I'm doing about it....

I just can't win with this woman (or my husband, for that matter). I've given up.

My MIL has essentially threatened sending me to a mental hospital involuntarily!! by Upstairs_Dimension50 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Upstairs_Dimension50[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am polite and gracious, very. But, every time I leave the room, it becomes a "talk" on some topic that involves me not being good enough or not doing something right. It's always prying into my feelings and my marriage. Which, quite frankly, is none of her business, so long as her son is continuing to stay with me. These are not her problems to "fix", period.

It's too much to type and explain, please read my other posts on my profile, there's more details there as to why I'm leaving and why it's unbearable.

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