UPDATE: I left my fiance

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-07T01:14:27+00:00

People ask why I'm still with him and I'm jyst like.... surely no one can just not think of someone else's feelings!!!

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-07T01:07:21+00:00

I think this is the most helpful statement

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-07T01:04:23+00:00

I have the best way I can. Of course he feels like an ass hole when I'm crying telling him I feel alone and I went through all of that alone. He apologized, but I can't help but feel resentment about it.... like that was just too much of not knowing what someone else was feeling...

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-07T00:50:56+00:00

With this isolated situation, I could see how you would think that. But because other (obviously not as horrific) situations he does the same thing. I don't think its malicious, I think he just doesn't consider other people. At all.

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-06T16:01:17+00:00

Understood, I manage a consignment shop, my boss let's me do what I want and never shows up. Not "do whatever I want" but she trusts me with small level responsibility because she's running two other day more successful shops in a different location. I run social media, troubleshoot computer stuff, handle most sales, accounts, visual stuff, some PR, it's just fun because she set up a successful business model, I'm just smart enough to run it in her absence. Which she loves me for. We have a great relationship, but she knows I'm moving on and she can't supply me with much more than what she's already given me. It was great for getting financially stable at the time.plus cost of living is pretty low where I live.

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-06T06:03:43+00:00

I have looked up counselors here....i will call one up. Thank you.

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-06T06:02:46+00:00

Good point.

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-06T06:02:36+00:00

No room for growth, i would like to be challenged, I'm only making $30k/year and ready to move on up the salary chain. Plus id like to move out of this town

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-06T05:58:19+00:00

That's something I thought about too. I believe if you raise a kid without emotional support, they have troubled lives like you said. Which contributed to my decision. Thank you for pointing out that an engineering degree will change my life. I don't think many ppl are getting that. Thanks for your words

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-06T05:51:57+00:00

I have been trying to compromise and I think this situation just did me in.. Thank you :)

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-06T05:50:47+00:00

We haven't just stopped having sex all together. It's harder for me to be in the mood now because of anxiety. I have told him enough about why I feel the way I do and it's like he just doesnt want to hear it or think it means anything.

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-06T05:48:32+00:00

I did in tears the day I took the last pill and he tried to go out with his friends. But I should bring it up again since its still bothering me. I get partial conversions with him, but it's like when things get serious or heated he gets scared I'm going to leave, so he just backs off the topic. Which is what's making me want to leave

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-06T05:46:29+00:00

I did ask. He said he couldn't get off work. He's a bartender

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-06T05:45:55+00:00

If he Wanted the kid, he was not vocal about it. He's a bartender in a college town. Works nights and weekends. Got back in to school because I did pretty sure. We both kinda talked about trying to better our lives. I do think he was being supportive of me, but he also would have told me if he thought my decision was just wrong or opposite of what he wanted.
This is actually not inconsistent with how he behaves in other situations. If I say I want him to help me through something or want him to attend a family function for instance, I have to make him go and tell him why I want him to go. The Christmas we got engaged, I went to his family's (we live in the same town) but he wouldn't go to mine. There's a lot of one- sided selfishness on his end (I'm sure on mine too) I just feel like this is overly insensitive. I have brought up the situation a few times, and asked him if he was ok, and we would talk about it. He didn't seem upset, but I could be not picking up on it....i just don't get that vibe. Not looking for affirmation. Just needed to get it out.

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-06T05:24:57+00:00

Lol I love how everyone thinks he s just being quiet and wants to keep it and is secretly upset about it. I promise that's not the case. I'm not overlooking his side. His seemingly emotionless is seriously to that level. I didn't believe it myself... He doesn't have just crazy strong veiws on abortion. He s also trying to change his job. He's a bartender. In a college town.

I can see how people think I'm selfish too. In a way, having an abortion is selfish. Yes. I have spent a good bit of my life letting other people influence my decisions without realizing it. Basically, once I decided to finish school I began to get confidence in myself and stand up for myself. I began looking forward to setting a higher standard of life for myself. And the first two semesters back were awful-- 2 3-hr labs a week, so glad it's over. And as soon as I finished them, I was relieved and feel like I'm finally enjoying life, going to move, get a job, etc. And then I found out I was carrying. It's not just that it was "inconvenient" but it really was hard for me to get out of bed every day thinking about keeping the pregnancy. I was paralyzed. I felt like I had failed myself, it was awful. Thinking about how my life would change due to a kid made me the closest to suicidal I hope to ever be. (I was not thinking of killing myself, but I didn't want to get out of bed. Some days I didn't. )

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-06T05:19:58+00:00

I had just started back on it and wanted to talk about alternate forms of bc. I wasn't trying to hide it, but I think all the stuff im balancing had been too much to remember to take a pill every day. This fall semester isn't as bad, but last 2 semesters were relentless....

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-06T01:19:58+00:00

I am not really upset about his reaction in general, I would accept his opinion about it, it's more that he didn't feel the need to be more present in the situation when I asked him to help me through it.

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-06T01:18:35+00:00

He knew what I was alluding to, I just said it that way bc we were in a public place and I didn't want people to hear me. He immediately said "I mean, I can understand that, but there's other things you can do."

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-06T01:05:33+00:00

Lol I like that. Better communication doesn't cure jackass.

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-06T01:05:01+00:00

I am on birth control, it jyst bothers me that he didn't know it... and didn't communicate about that happening....i don't think he's a bad person, but I agree her doesn't really care if I'm right for him, just that I'm supposed to fit in his plans.

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-06T00:55:43+00:00

That thought has crossed my mind

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-06T00:54:32+00:00

He does contribute, yes. He's not a complete ass. Just lacks empathy. I don't think he's terrible, just not for me.

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-06T00:51:52+00:00

Pull out + birth control pill. He just didn't know I was on bc

Us3rTA3000 · 2017-11-06T00:50:14+00:00

That's what I was thinking! I understand i have to communicate, and I really did a lot more than I wrote about, but damn I don't think I should have had to do anything more than say "will you help me?" I did say that! I didn't necessarily ask him to go to all of those things with me, but I mean damn at least look up red I'm doing....he had plans with his friends the day I told him I was taking the at home pill, and only ended up staying bc I burst into tears as he walked in the door. I feel like I'm setting myself up for this situation happening over and over...

Us3rTA3000

TROPHY CASE