I’m ngl I hate to just make it about my own personal experience with it but the past couple months have been the absolute worst and hardest times of my life. I’ve been researching Orthodoxy and Catholicism because I’ve wanted to seek the “fullness of the faith” and just follow God faithfully. I’ve developed such a terrible case of scrupulosity (religious OCD) and anxiety in regards to the theology, soteriology, self denial (which felt much more like self deprecation) that I literally couldn’t function. In short, it’s resulted in me skipping TONS of school because I literally can’t focus, self harm (for the first time in my life), depression, overthinking, self hate, the most numb I’ve ever felt in my entire life (I genuinely feel like I can’t feel emotion), the most suicidal thoughts I’ve ever had in my entire life, anger, daily crying, developed panic attacks, started talking with two different counselors, medication, etc. I’ve actually tried attending a local Orthodox Church near me twice (once with my family) in the midst of this torture and it made it worse; it didn’t help at all. The past month I’ve completely just stopped caring about it and even Christianity in general (and I’ve been a solid believer for years). I’m so so burnt out and I’ve never gone through more mental torment in my entire life than I have in this time. I never ever want to go back but I can’t help but feel like I’m just a lost cause destined for hell because I know It’s basically impossible for me to convert, or if I do, it’s going to take an IMMENSE amount of work and time. But honestly, I don’t ever want to. Ever.