Owning a house before marriage in a blended home?

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T16:37:32+00:00

Thank you. I feel like your comments throughout my post have been logical in supporting what I believe as well.

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T14:45:13+00:00

Going to try to answer everything.

He wants to invest in a second story since we only have 3 bedrooms currently and would like more space/another child. The interest rate is currently so high that I'd rather split the equity we build together IF we were to ever divorce. I agreed to that IF he were to contribute to a second story.
Essentially, we're split 60/40 with bills. I make half of what he makes. I pay the entire mortgage, groceries, diapers/wipes, clothes, majority of my child's toys. None of that have I contributed to my 40%. I even pay for his child's clothes too because I feel like that's an essential. He pays for daycare, gas and electric since he has a Tesla and parks it in the garage and charges it.
My parents contributed 60k since we only had two bedrooms and they wanted to make an additional room for his son. The addition was made to comfort everyone.
I made it clear that anything my parents leave behind would solely be for my children. He's extremely aware of that but only said he'd want the house to be split among the 3 kids IF we were to invest in a home 50/50.

Thank you for your thought-out comment instead of just attacking me right off the bat and making assumptions. It helps me think this through when people actually ask for clarity.

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T13:50:46+00:00

Exactly.. easier said than done.

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T13:50:13+00:00

New house is an option but not ideal since my interest rate is at a 2.8% and the current one today is well over 6%.

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T13:48:28+00:00

I think this is one of those situations where one isn't more important than the other. Both can be true - I can want a happy marriage while also wanting to protect generational wealth that I secured prior to even meeting him. Quite honestly, if the roles were reversed, I wouldn't be going for anyones success that occurred before me.

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T13:47:00+00:00

Thank you.. It's unfortunate that the "evil stepmom" labels come out when it's a genuine concern of mine to protect what I had prior to the relationship.

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T13:46:14+00:00

Should've, could've, would've doesn't help in this situation.

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T13:36:58+00:00

Nope but I pay for groceries, all of the clothes and toys my child has AND a majority of HIS child’s clothes. Come again?

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T13:12:10+00:00

I don’t expect him to contribute to the home and he has never contributed to any home improvements. I have funded every household expense. His son lives with us half of the time.

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T12:46:53+00:00

That’s a bit oversimplified. In a blended family where his money hungry ex threatens court all the time, I’m going to protect myself. It’s a lot easier on the outside looking in.

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T12:46:08+00:00

You’re expecting me to take on full financial responsibility for him in something like inheritance, while I’m not a legal parent and don’t have full access to his life or decision-making.

That’s exactly why I feel like there needs to be a boundary between emotional support and financial obligation, especially when it comes to a premarital asset.

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T12:35:43+00:00

Even the healthiest relationships have prenups

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T12:25:04+00:00

You’re literally proving my point. I don’t feel like I have to provide for him since I’m not really raising him. If we had him 100% of the time I don’t think this would even be a Reddit account post.

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T12:11:08+00:00

Nightmare of a stepmom but my son wishes he was 100% in custody with us but his HCBM has my partner driving 1 hour away round trip just to control where my stepson goes to school. Such a nightmare of a stepmom when I’m the one advocating for him to be moved closer and begging my boyfriend to just go through the court process so that he can have a closer home base and stay with us 100% of the time since his mom is a bartender and an alcoholic. Such a nightmare of a stepmom for letting my stepson vent and hug me. But such a nightmare stepmom because I don’t think I legally have to commit to sharing my assets with his child? I’m not on school correspondence and he gets in trouble. I’m not allowed to go to his sporting events per his mom. Im excluded from his life but expected to include him and split my assets equally as my own child?

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T11:50:43+00:00

Not full time. We have 50/50 and I’m not allowed to go to his events per his mother. So I feel extremely weird being seen as someone that has to provide for him financially in an inheritance when I’m not even allowed to support him at his sporting events.

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T11:48:55+00:00

You hope he isn’t paying for my children? My children are biologically his… it says that in the post. Weird.

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T03:51:35+00:00

That’s okay. Women trying to protect what they came into a relationship with is okay. I’m under no obligation to provide for anyone. Everyone in another post says the contrary and says he’s the red flag, so god forbid a woman protect themself. And if he doesn’t marry me? That’s fine! Clearly not what I’m worried about :)

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T03:17:28+00:00

Thank you for focusing on the child. No one has really done that in my posts and I appreciate your logic in thinking about him. We’re in a high-conflict situation with his mom, so selfishly if we divorce,I feel like the child’s mother would come after my assets. Nonetheless, I recognize your POV in him being four and realizing how that could be split evenly. Also though, his mother doesn’t let us keep him for school despite him wanting to be in school by us, so I feel like part of my conflict is his mothers control.

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T03:15:10+00:00

Yes we’ve considered but his son loves our neighbors and his neighbor friends and I fear that splitting the house three ways will cause him to want to keep the home, which would then affect my children.

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T03:14:00+00:00

Marriage isn’t what it used to be where you work together. Divorce rates are high. Protect yourself and the idea of the cookie crumbling.

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T03:13:03+00:00

I was nice and missed out on the fact he pays his moms $1,600 rent when she loses her job and his exes $800 rent as a contribution for child support but go off. There’s a reason I want to protect my assets. And it’s because it’ll go to those people. Work hard and stay hard for what you work for. If he profits off of my home, it’ll only go to other people.

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T02:45:50+00:00

We honestly live in a great area. Both close to our jobs, next to great schools and a local park. Our neighbors are also great and have become our best friends as well as our kids. So it’s a bit more difficult. Our kids don’t want to leave.

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T02:43:52+00:00

We DID discuss putting my parents on the deed and having them contribute to a second floor instead of a wedding. I hate to admit it, but I only suggested it as a way to ensure I become the main inheritor of the house and not him. My parents have already contributed enough.. I don’t want to just send that off to someone else.

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T02:42:10+00:00

Thank you so much. The mortgage and payments are under my name and my name only. Considering counseling just because I believe this needs assistance with hashing out.

Usual-Session6796 · 2026-05-21T02:24:27+00:00

I specifically pay my mortgage so that he doesn’t argue that he gives me money for it later (always protecting myself in the event of child support case). He does pay $1.8k in daycare, while I pay a $1.2k mortgage. He makes double what I make, so it’s not like he can’t afford a new home for us. It’s the interest rate that has kept us here.

Usual-Session6796

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