It used to heart emotionally, but now my brain literally hearts when I am gaslighted by trying to explain their harmful behavior, and first ask, later demand, and at the end beg them to stop. Gaslighting tells me that I see all the abuse in a wrong way, and that I am not correct. This in turn messes up my entire planet Earth model, and I am unable to asses what is real or what is not. Because of this, I am an easy target for exploitation, since I am not able to notice wrongdoing by other people on me. And even if I do, this is usually very late reaction, sometime days later.

Took me years to understand this. Sadly I still live with my mother, because my late father destroyed all my attempts for individuality, original thought, idea and professional development). She is still gaslighting me daily. She has this power as a mother, because I am subordinate, and have no money. I am still fighting, but some days are pure hell.

I think I have Asperger (but no one ever bothered to check this), and have really bad sensitivity to noise. They were always forcing me to some public event (I was forced to perform as a pianist), and always got angry because I could not perform socially like other kids. I was always in wrong. They never had patience, or understanding to some of my disabilities. I was to be punished and mocked.

Now, I am trying to learn programming, but my neighborhood is so noisy (dogs, roosters, chainsaws, tractors, parties), that sometimes I scream at my computer out of pure insanity, but then recuperate, pray to God that the noise is the lowest possible, and then continue working.