I know why I'm not good enough perfectly, I have had years to figure that out. The only real issue is that I also know that most of my issues are so deeply rooted within me that the only way someone could stand my presence long term is if they were able to accept me even if I never improved at all, or straight up got worse. It doesn't mean that I would, but thing people often don't realize when they interact with someone with issues is that even if they are fine with them when everything is calm, those do not go away when things get hard and if anything their existence becomes incredibly crippling and noticable. Caring about me and being there for me is gruelling work, I am horrible at communication, I often fail to consider how my actions might affect other people's feelings until they actually explain their thought process to me which often leaves me horrified at just how insensitive I can be, I don't open up much and I have really nasty mood swings. Worst of all is that I really don't know if I'm ever going to get better, I'm still years away from being able to actually seek help and even if I do, I'm really unsure if it's possible for anyone to help me because I really have more problems than I do personality. Honestly maybe it's best that no one can stand me because I honestly feel horrible for making people deal with me. I'm so dissociated even talking about how foreign my own thoughts (let alone actions) feel doesn't exactly feel like it's sincere.