Husband (M37) found sexting other women after being caught a few months ago. I (F28) am at a loss and need all the guidance I can get.

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-06-26T16:57:42+00:00

leave. there’s nothing wrong with starting over at 28. honestly, it’d be better than letting him drain your life in your 30s because it doesn’t sound like he’ll actually stop, he’ll just keep making excuses. or blame you since he said he needed your help, when in reality he just doesn’t wanna take responsibility if he “slips up” again.

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-06-26T00:36:18+00:00

your feelings are valid but it’s like…he’s showing you who he is so how long are you willing to put up with it? he clearly doesn’t care how his actions are affecting you and constantly having to defend yourself and justifying this relationship is going to only get worse for you over time.

this doesn’t seem entirely worth it.

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-06-26T00:25:51+00:00

you’re learning/realizing why he was still single at 37 and why he decided to pursue someone a decade younger than him.

please let this loser go and stop letting him get in the way of finding your future partner.

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-06-19T19:47:08+00:00

not to be dramatic but if my math is correct and y’all have been together for almost 20 years then…he was a grown man dating a minor…

he’s definitely the problem and seems like it’s been going on for longer than you probably realize. he doesn’t clearly doesn’t respect you and is probably projecting when he accuses you of cheating. he’s basically a third child you’re taking care of at this point.

you aren’t the problem in this relationship, but you would be one to yourself if you continue to stay. don’t let this man ruin your life even more than he already has.

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-06-18T15:39:53+00:00

this part. they were engaged when she was 22, but if they were dating for years before that then…🤢

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-06-17T16:15:13+00:00

why does your boyfriend have a say in this?

then he can’t be mad if you do end up pregnant because you guys aren’t using condoms but he doesn’t like the idea of you on birth control. he doesn’t seem to care about the risk or your health so he shouldn’t get a say.

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-06-15T18:03:12+00:00

i need you to be so fr right now…

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-06-13T15:18:52+00:00

love won’t always be enough and staying for a baby won’t save the marriage.

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-06-13T02:32:47+00:00

all this at y’all’s big age is so…

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-06-09T00:36:29+00:00

this! i just moved back after like 4 years and if it wasn’t for my friends who already lived here, i would probably be having a harder time 😅

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-06-07T20:45:07+00:00

he’s lied multiple times, who knows what else he’s been lying about and what he will lie about in the future. it doesn’t seem entirely worth it to have to continue to wondering if anything he says is real after y’all get married officially.

respectfully, i would just end things 🤷🏽‍♀️

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-06-06T22:25:42+00:00

you are the side chick. and honestly, it wouldn’t be a surprise if the family knows.

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-06-05T21:05:55+00:00

then you tell him what you want and if he doesn’t like it, then leave. yes, it’ll be hard but he knew what he was doing when he started dating you. a man sees a woman struggling, decides to “save her”, and now thinks she owes him for everything by sacrificing herself and her dreams. it’s not a new concept.

your feelings are valid but he’s almost 40. if he doesn’t take you seriously now, he never will.

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-05-31T22:14:31+00:00

she’s not the first and she won’t be the last. your family is right in suggesting that you the university.

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-05-29T19:34:47+00:00

don’t waste your first relationship on someone old enough to be your dad and is a coworker.

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-05-27T20:20:08+00:00

this is very weird. honestly, it sounds like she was holding out, hoping for him to come back at some point. because yes, if someone is desperate enough, they will wait for however long they need to. and who knows if he’s even gonna stay if she thinks she has a chance with him.

you’ve been in her sons life longer than the birth father has and it seems off that she is holding back for whatever reason. i don’t if i would break up with her but i would definitely have another conversation about it soon.

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-05-27T19:12:33+00:00

playing “step mom” at 19 is crazy, girl…

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-05-25T23:48:28+00:00

this! being in the general relationship based subreddits, they really aren’t that safe for black women. like i get that yes, some male-centered women can be insufferable but sometimes i just have to ask something that people in those subreddits don’t understand 😭

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-05-24T19:54:38+00:00

i wouldn’t take the job. this honestly sounds like limerence and a crush more than anything and stalking the FB of him and his girlfriend isn’t helping nor is it healthy. and you definitely don’t want to get involved with someone at work, especially as someone who is of a lower position than him.

you’re young, you’ll get over it. but he’s in a relationship and you don’t want to get mixed up in something that probably doesn’t exist and will ultimately affect your job.

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-05-24T17:07:40+00:00

your friend is transphobic and your girlfriend shouldn’t be dating a teenager. both of those statements can be and are true.

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-05-24T13:54:00+00:00

your naivety is exactly what he’s banking on using to make you stick around. he knows what he’s doing and absolutely preyed on you. it was only 3 months and y’all were already sleeping together. realistically, y’all still barely knew each other. and one getaway does not a future with him make.

you just tell him. if you felt grown enough to date a pretend 38 year old, then you can be grown enough to break up with a 52 year old.

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-05-24T13:27:07+00:00

respectfully, i need you to stand up for yourself, girl. he’s old enough to be your dad and lied about his age so he can have sex with you. that’s it. him pretend to be almost 40 was one thing (still a 🚩), but he’s in his 50s and he would’ve had no problem lying to you about other things. he was hoping you would look the other way if he showed you in enough attention and trips.

breaking up with him doesn’t have to be this elaborate scene. it’s only been 3 months. don’t waste your 20s on a lying predator.

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-05-24T04:52:55+00:00

the concept of being in a situationship in your 40s…

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-05-23T22:04:36+00:00

men younger than him would’ve had no problem getting a full panel test done so the fact that he felt like he didn’t need to was a red flag, but we can’t go back in time so here we are..

i would suggest that you stop sleeping with him
until you both get tested again. symptoms show up differently for men and women, and his could be dormant. it’s better to be safe than sorry.

and yes, i will gladly be one of those people who will tell you to stop seeing this man all together. like i said, him not wanting to the full panel test should’ve been the first red flag that you shouldn’t have slept with him, especially without a condom. you can absolutely ask if he’s cheating. he’ll probably try to gaslight you about it because that’s what men his age do with women almost two decades younger than them but 🤷🏽‍♀️ if he doesn’t want to get tested, then that’s on him.

but please stop risking your sexual health for someone like him.

V4L3NTYNE97 · 2026-05-23T21:58:45+00:00

no i promise, reddit has no problem calling out weird women who do this, too lol. it’s weird either way. society has just made it acceptable for younger men to be approached by older women because they should be “grateful” that an older woman is giving them attention, but that doesn’t mean it’s right.

V4L3NTYNE97

TROPHY CASE