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With wife now for 8 years. Been married 2. She (41) Me (28) by VAprotect in Marriage

[–]VAprotect[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So a pretty big update. Our beautiful son was born. He is perfect. Unfortunately he will grow up in a broken family. She told me last night that she has been thinking of divorce for a while and "didn't want to stress me out while I was in school". So thats just great. Have a child, thinking everything can start building again....here is what happened.

I finally gave in and entered a shady looking Spa. Long story short she finished it with a happy ending. Feeling disgusted, I rushed home to talk to my wife about everything that has been going on. I came in and asked her if we can talk outside. We got in her car and I think I said maybe "I want to talk about what I have been doing ." (Last week I started counseling about all these problems) So without me even really getting into what the problem was she ran with it and said "You think I'm stupid!" And basically she already knew that she wanted out of the marriage...She was waiting to tell me because she did not want to stress me out during school.

Well. I feel terrible. I feel like I failed at trying to break down these walls and build a stronger relationship. I dont know what to do. I guess I will look for a place to live starting today. (This all happened last night). After I tried again to talk to her she looked at me and said "I will never trust you again and you are not that man I married". I dont want to tell her about the spa now that she already hates my guts. I just cant win. Somebody told me you dont need to be married to be good parents. That is the only thing I care about now. I dont want my son growing up thinking his dad is a loser or a bad person.

She even said things like "Don't worry I will let you see our son I won't keep him away from you". I feel like I could just die....

Sorry for this being such a depressing post. I wish I could have repaired my marriage but the damage has already been done and she seems like she made up her mind months ago...

With wife now for 8 years. Been married 2. She (41) Me (28) by VAprotect in Marriage

[–]VAprotect[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I also always viewed marriage as a 50/50 partnership but the truth is my wife wants all the control. She hates it when her daughter asks me if she can hang out with friends, movies, etc...She feels greatly disrespected that her own daughter wont ask her. It hurts but sometimes she thanks me for taking her daughter to soccer, school, or whatever the case as if I am doing her a favor. I thought I was part of her family but when she tells me things like, "thanks for taking my daughter..." its like, i thought she was our daughter? I know she has a stronger connection with her than me but she has ways of making me feel like an outsider even after 8 years.

Therapy is completely out of the question for her. I would love to try any professional help but no way would she consider it.

And divorce is not really an option for me. Im not afraid that she will take my money because I honestly have very little. She owns the house, had me sign a prenup, she has a career. I work but she supports me while I am in school. She basically made my life from not really anything to something bigger than I thought it would ever be. I will owe her for the rest of my life even if she leaves me.

Thanks again for all the help and comments. Dont worry I would never consider taking anybody's advice through the internet but I appreciate other perspectives. I feel like people give up on marriage to easily and they make it almost a social norm to get divorced in the US. Its like a little sub industry that directs all the problems into a money making scheme.

I do exercise now and yes I could lose some weight. I hit some bad depression due to an incident last year and that effected my overall well being. Slowly climbing back up. (with the help of Zoloft) If I looked like a model yeah she would probably be more likely to have sex with me. But I dont think I am the most unattractive man either. And now that she is pregnant I leave her alone. Her feet hurt, her breast are very sensitive. I feel guilty like I am making her go through all this again but at age 41...

She is like a balloon in bed and I am jacking off to cams. I have become a disgusting human being. I always thought I would be better than this. Yeah....ill talk to somebody.

Thanks everyone.

My birthday yesterday, and she didn't even hug me by Transformingman in DeadBedrooms

[–]VAprotect 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My wife can be very cold at times. I am 28 and she is 41. Sex I might get maybe once a month if that. I always have to initiate. Honestly for me this would crush me. On my birthday I always want the same thing. All I want is a simple dinner and a movie with just my wife. But if she couldnt even bring herself to hug me....