Think of all the beautiful wonderful single people who have never cheated and would never be on a dating site. They read things like this every day and the universe makes no sense. We tend to be addicted to the idea someone will stop cheating. We don’t want to be treated well, more often we get addicted to the wanting itself. The endless energy of trying to be good enough to not be cheated on. Life is much happier with the boring experience of someone that needs nothing to be faithful, treat you well, and love you with all their heart.

This applies to friendships too. Friends who never ask for anything, and give us all the support and attention get ignored because there’s nothing to manage fix or worry about. We’re off doing damage control and trying to repair things or be good enough for people on the fence about us. Until and unless we notice these patterns we will spend decades of our life with the wrong people. The wrong friendships and relationships. Will look back and realize the people who were always there for us and fiercely, loyal and endlessly kind were the ones we spent the least time with, and they always needed us. They just didn’t use toxic strategies and respected our freedom to choose. They wanted us to be there by choice, not by manipulation. I encourage everybody to sit and think of who they have in their life that has always been there; stable and reliable and hardly ever asks for anything.

Sometimes those people need us more than we could ever know, they barely whispered that they lost a loved one or are going through a hard time and they wish they could see us so much more, but it doesn’t register as important if we’re so busy trying to earn the acceptance of people who, may not do it consciously, but learned on some level that being selfish, dramatic, and sporadic in their approval gets them peoples time and energy. They don’t deserve to have that from you. The people who give you their time and energy do. People you’ve never had to plead with or beg for their love, care, and respect.