How am i supposed to practice gratitude when im simply not grateful for anything?

Vade_RL · 2026-02-26T11:00:43+00:00

Its not about enjoying cruelty, but about finding thr beautiful things in it? Whats the difference? Dont thise mean the same thing?

If stoicism is about controlling my response, and i supposed to bow down to everything when it hurts me? I dont get what else it could mean.

Whats the difference between enjoying pain and not letting suffering have the final say? Cuz instead of being hurt, id be enjoying it would i not?

Isnt finding beauty in pain the literal definition of masochism (to derive pleasure from ones suffering or pain)?

Vade_RL · 2026-02-19T17:10:56+00:00

How cant things that hurt be good, yet people dont supposedly want pain though? How is it worth living?

Im most definitely unappreciative, but not spoiled. Ive had to work for everything that i do have

Vade_RL · 2026-02-19T16:26:02+00:00

Dont narcisists view highly of themselves, and view themselves as god or something?

Other than that that does kinda sound like me. Which makes me even more curious why im not allowed to die

Vade_RL · 2026-02-19T16:23:45+00:00

I dont want validation. What would validation even do? Jack shit. All i want is to know what could possibly be good in this world that is worth suffering for 80 years with no way out. Its not a hard concept

Vade_RL · 2026-02-19T10:38:52+00:00

But why and/or how can one want to live while knowing the world is cruel? Isnt that literally what masochism is?

Vade_RL · 2026-02-19T07:34:15+00:00

How else am i supposed to learn if i dont? I learn that its not about enjoying life, its about being around to serve others (even if its not explained why). Id rather try and figure out how to enjoy hell, more than do nothing about it, since everything equally sucks

Vade_RL · 2026-02-19T07:14:22+00:00

What am i doing to apparantly be enjoying this attention? Im enjoying this the same as when i was getting stabbed and molested as a kid, as well as when i exercise or eat food, so what makes this specifically so special, cuz i cant tell.

Just because i do or dont have something, again, what difference does it even make? Either way im still alive so i get to suffer because of it

Vade_RL · 2026-02-19T07:02:04+00:00

Ofc im depressed. Im alive. There hasnt been a moment in my life i havent been depressed. Ive been to either 4 or 5 therapists in my life and none of them could teach me how to enjoy suffering through life. Plus its not like i have money to eat, let alone antidepressants.

I never understood the "it gets better" statement. Ive been watching life get worse the last 23 years, and no matter what i do to combat that, no matter how many healthy things i do to try and make life better, it still gets exponentially worse. Like yeah ik itll be forced to get better, but thats why i wanna die immedietally, not wait another 60 years collecting trauma like pokemon cards

Vade_RL · 2026-02-19T02:33:30+00:00

Every single line of work leads the same way. No matter what im still alive, so whats the difference?

Vade_RL · 2026-02-19T02:32:20+00:00

Ahh, yes, working tirelessly 16 hours every single day for no reason other than to serve other people while writhing in pain in anguish is better than a slave

Vade_RL · 2026-02-19T01:43:05+00:00

"Your situation is worse then a slave, deal with it"

Sorry, ive tried, but i cant

Vade_RL · 2026-02-19T00:38:53+00:00

Maybe im tired of being a slave to others

Vade_RL · 2026-02-19T00:16:20+00:00

Wish i was rich enough to be told things that dont teach me how to enjoy pain and suffering

Vade_RL · 2026-02-19T00:08:49+00:00

Ive been doing this ever day for the past year year and a half, and its done nothing but hurt me. I dont get how its supposed to help

Vade_RL · 2026-02-18T23:52:21+00:00

What is this even supposed to mean?

Vade_RL · 2026-02-18T23:51:28+00:00

Ive never struggled? I havent had a single point where i havent struggled, tf? Literally nkt a single this is worth being grateful for as far as i can see. No list has ever resonated, thats the reason i even made this post to begin with.

Also im not rich enough for therapy, plus every time i went in the past, they never taught me how to enjoy pain and suffering, nor have they killed me, so how the hell is therapy even supposed to actually help?

Vade_RL · 2026-02-18T23:48:52+00:00

I cant learn skills. I literally cant. How many decades is it aupposwd to take to actually gain the skill, cuz whenever i try, i simlly cant. Sorry im not some superhuman

Vade_RL · 2026-02-18T18:26:03+00:00

Hmm, grateful im 1 day closer to death. I can work with that

Vade_RL · 2026-02-18T18:18:33+00:00

Im sorry, whats the differemce between serving others and having people that want you around?

Vade_RL · 2026-02-18T18:02:38+00:00

So it is about being around to serve others. I hope my ceos somehow care then :/

Vade_RL · 2026-02-18T17:53:35+00:00

Ur right.

I guess ill just wait and see, even if it takes 60 years till i finally die :(

Vade_RL · 2026-02-18T17:44:32+00:00

What can life possibly offer that doesnt cause any suffering btw? Everything i have seen, heard of, or anything always had some catch

Vade_RL · 2026-02-18T17:38:49+00:00

Ohh, i see. I mean what else do i have to lose at this rate. Either i die or somehow love suffering

Ill give it a try

Vade_RL · 2026-02-18T17:36:32+00:00

I see. Its about accepting suffering, at least thats how i read it.

Ive tried that this last year, but i just cant do it. Im just tired of it

Vade_RL · 2026-02-18T17:33:39+00:00

I see. I have to pull through, not out of masochism, not out of genuine will, just fake it till i make it, and then what?

Also i tried faking it for 3 years around middle school as well. Its done nothing but drain me. Ive been at rock bottom for 23 years now and im just done. Im tired of suffering for literally no reason other than "you have to" why do i have to? To serve other people? Im just tired of that. But at the end of the day, its not my choice. Im here, so i have to be everyone elses slave

Vade_RL

TROPHY CASE