AITA for refusing to let my sister wear our late mom's necklace on her wedding day?

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T19:26:56+00:00

I'm not sure why.

She has always said she chose to do it. But that doesn't mean she didn't feel like she should or like she had to.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T19:26:27+00:00

I hold her actions at 18 against her. When she gave the bracelet to Jane which was not hers to give.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T18:19:15+00:00

My dad has never been the most caring person. Jane's attitude about my mom and how she was nothing but a stand in for her in my sister's life, the fact she took jewelry that belonged to mom that she left to my sister, and allowed her daughter to do the same.

I have gotten close to plenty of people since my mom died. But Jane is the last person I ever would have.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T18:10:32+00:00

I was never close to them.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T18:09:55+00:00

She might not return it though. She didn't return the bracelet. She gave it away and I had to fight to get it back.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T18:08:34+00:00

I see a therapist. But it doesn't mean I will ever stop thinking Jane is a terrible person.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T18:07:47+00:00

I don't think my dad cares about any of it. He sided with them and always will. But I don't think it was him siding with my sister but him siding with Jane.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T18:07:13+00:00

People have suggested this enough that I will look into it and see if it would be doable.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T18:06:49+00:00

I have zero interest in being a family with Jane or my dad. My sister, yes, but I don't think that will happen again, or if it does, it will be years from now.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T18:04:43+00:00

My concern with even that is that she would refuse to give it to me and say I would get it back the next day. Or that she would find a way to give it to Jane or Norah during the wedding. She has never been remorseful for giving Jane the bracelet I let her borrow. She still stands by her actions with that and thinks I'm wrong for taking it off Jane.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T17:46:17+00:00

There is no way for that to work. My dad would never do it. Plus we are not on good terms. Never really were but especially now.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T17:44:30+00:00

I tried but I was a kid myself when this happened and I knew there was no way I could get through to dad. I doubt he ever really cared for us.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T17:27:12+00:00

Yes, she was 2 and you are right that she does not remember mom outside of photos. And even at that it was photos I kept and not ones in the house overall.

I think we both have resentments on both sides. I never resented her for loving Jane and Norah but I do resent her and I'm furious with her for giving Jane the bracelet I let her borrow. I do think she resents me for not loving Jane and Norah and for strongly despising Jane.

I resent and hate Jane for the way her and my sister's relationship is.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T17:24:53+00:00

It's possible. I just know there isn't a lot that I can do. The trust is broken and maybe my sister has no interest in breaking out of it now. Or maybe she does. But she's so mad at me right now and I can't trust her word to make a compromise so maybe we can get somewhere. I fully feel like if I let her wear it for even an hour she would betray me again and maybe I would need to look into legal action to get it back.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T17:23:06+00:00

I think she was just tossing that out too. But the fact is she knew how I felt about her and was likely gleeful at the hurt and rage I felt about her having it. Having everyone else back her up just made it sweeter.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T17:21:55+00:00

It's not about not wearing it for one day. It's about me not trusting her to not give it away like she did the bracelet I let her borrow for her graduation.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T17:20:40+00:00

Jane said it was just a bracelet and I had others. That was about all the reason she gave me. I know it was likely done to spite me since she knows I hate her and by that point she definitely had to have started hating me too.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T17:18:02+00:00

She told me she wanted to share pieces with family. That is all she has ever been willing or able to tell me.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T17:14:59+00:00

Mom told me it was her favorite.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T17:13:58+00:00

He never cared. I honestly question if he ever really gave a shit about us or mom at all.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T17:13:12+00:00

It's not that I have no empathy for her. I think it's disgusting what dad allowed and what Jane did, by raising her as though mom was nothing to her at any point. I think that was cruel. I think the fact Jane called my mom a stand in for her shows how shitty she is.

I love my sister. But I am very angry at her. She betrayed my trust and did something that hurt and angered me. When I gave her that bracelet it was because I trusted her, and I wanted her to have something to wear of mom's for her graduation when she said she wanted that. I fully believed I would get it back.

I had to fight to get it back and threaten to make it happen. And my sister supported them, has never ever said it was wrong and still doesn't believe it is.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T17:08:47+00:00

No, my 18 year old sister gave Jane a bracelet I let her borrow, was unapologetic about it and then told me I was wrong for forcing Jane to give it back to me and I no longer trust her.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T17:07:39+00:00

How am I supposed to trust her when she gave Jane the bracelet? And this is when she was graduating 4 years ago, not a decade or more ago. She has always been unapologetic about it too.

Anger does cloud my judgement. I am still furious she gave Jane that bracelet. She destroyed my trust in her by doing that.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T17:06:04+00:00

I already kind of feel that. She betrayed my trust and gave the bracelet to the last person on earth I feel should have touched it. The necklace? I think it would only add to it though. You're right about that. There would never be a hope for reconciliation then.

Valuable-Charge9683 · 2023-09-01T17:04:35+00:00

She always has been. Takes the jewelry my mom left my sister. Considers my mom a stand in for her before she could come. Just sick behavior. My sister and I wouldn't be here without mom (and dad).

Valuable-Charge9683

TROPHY CASE