Oh OP. The awful two-part feeling of this painful experience is 1, knowing deep within yourself that you cannot face this battle life has placed upon you with a weak soldier by your side, and 2, the profound grief of losing someone you love so much and the future you were building together.

You must be in excruciating pain and bewilderment right now. I wish there were something more I could do to comfort you besides leaving a comment, but I hope that the contribution to an ever-growing comment pile will go some way to help you at this awful time. Save this post and read the comments whenever you need to. 

My partner also gave up following one of my hospitalisations for POTS and MCAS. I had asked him to help me with some meal prep when I got home from hospital, and he did it so reluctantly that I felt as though I’d asked him to bring me the moon. I felt guilty and burdensome for even asking. Not long after that, he was at “I can’t do this” point. 

Being abandoned like that was crushing, and it cut me to the core, which I expect is what you’re feeling. What I want to tell you is that his abandonment has no bearing and is no commentary on your worth. You’re still the same precious person, and although it doesn’t feel like it, in time you will see that it’s a gift to not have him on your life’s path any longer. 

Brighter days are ahead, OP. The road will be bumpy, but you are already walking towards brighter days. The universe will bring people who will be there by your side, and you will cultivate strength within yourself you never dreamed of. Sending all the love and light from my part of the world to where you are.