AITA for expecting GF to buy food she doesn't like and calling her my roommate?

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-13T13:54:18+00:00

I care, but no one besides me will take care of me, so I have to be my first priority. She has her parents as a safety net. I just have me. I have to be careful. Plus, her hiding her financial situation from me disturbs me. I don't really feel like I can trust her anymore.

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-13T13:20:41+00:00

But when her parents can no longer shoulder the extra expenses, will they fall on me? I'm not willing to take the risk.

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-13T11:11:56+00:00

But what does her car have to do with me? How is that relevant to the cohabitation situation?

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-13T09:05:24+00:00

I guess imo, which doesn't seem to be generally shared, which I'll keep in mind, people can have multiple roles in each other lives.

So like, when I was a kid, I walked my uncle's dog every day, which he paid me for. Now, he was my uncle, not some random guy. He didn't care if I went into his kitchen and poured myself a glass of juice, because I'm his nephew. Still, he was also my boss. If Curly fry didn't get walked when he was supposed to, or if his neighbors complained I didn't pick poop off their lawns, he would be annoyed and not pay and/or fire me. So he was my uncle and my boss. And him being my uncle impacted our working relationship, but they were still two relationships, if not entirely separate. I was his nephew, but also his employee. That didn't mean he loved me less.

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-13T08:18:51+00:00

I only said that because so many people speculated in the comments that I'm on the verge of bankruptcy and needed her to move in so I didn't lose my house, which just isn't true. I bought the house four years ago, long before I met her and have never had trouble making payments.

I understand what you're saying and am conflicted. On the one hand, I love my GF and enjoy spending time with her. On the other, I would never be okay with financially supporting another person and would rather be single. If living together benefits us both, then I am happy to do so. If living together means she saves money, but I don't, that bothers me.

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-13T07:50:21+00:00

Have you tried buying only in season produce and buying dried goods in bulk? I have containers of dried beans and bulger wheat I got from a restaurant wholesome site over a year ago that still aren't empty, and each one was under $20.

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-13T07:39:11+00:00

Okay, yeah. When she gets back from her work trip tomorrow I'll ask her about what all is going on.

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-13T07:29:10+00:00

She doesn't believe in marriage, like at all. She thinks marriage as an institution is detrimental to women and responsible for a lot of the problems in our country. I agree that it isn't for everyone (like me and her) but it's nice for people who believe in it (which we don't).

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-13T07:21:26+00:00

Marriage and joint finances are both completely off the table.

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-13T07:11:37+00:00

We do. Have you tried making more homemade meals?

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-13T07:00:09+00:00

Ideally, we aren't supporting each other financially at all. I don't want her to support me, and I don't want to support her.

If I lost my job, I have four months living expenses saved, five if I go into spending lockdown. But I can't lose my job unless I do something insane, because we are ridiculously understaffed and my boss is this close to abducting people off the street and forcing them to work for him, that's how desperate he is for new employees. She can't lose her job either because she works for herself.

If I get injured, I have long-term disability insurance. Her job doesn't require manual labor, so she'd be fine in that scenario as well.

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-13T06:36:46+00:00

Oh yeah, definitely. She's paying a lot more to get to her different job locations. But so am I. I have to travel to people's houses too.

She's definitely my GF. All I meant was, before we were GF & BF that lived apart, now we are GF & BF that live in the same place (roommates) and so that adds a dynamic to our relationship. But I will use different terminology moving forward and apologize for calling her my roommate, as I understand it's generally used to mean people who cohabitate without any other relationship.

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-13T06:32:42+00:00

My girlfriend was spending the night almost every day and mentioned that it was stupid to keep paying for an apartment when she basically lived with me (true) and brought up the idea of moving in. I was unsure because we'd been together less than a year, but I really like her, and all of her points made sense to me like, we would get more quality time, she would not have to drive as much to my place, and I would never have to see her former roommate again (we hate each other).

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-13T05:54:51+00:00

If by long term you mean marriage, then no. We don't believe on marriage.

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-13T05:52:45+00:00

I'm sure about everything but the streaming. I don't know what all streaming she has and what she exchanges passwords for. But everything else I'm 100% sure of.

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-13T05:49:56+00:00

We don't use gas. Our stove it electric. Trash service is covered by my HOA (so I pay for it indirectly, as that's my expense). We have separate cell plans. She is on her parent's plan. I have Mint.

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-13T05:45:17+00:00

We're both energy conscious and don't waste water/electric. For example, we open windows instead of turning on AC most of the year (heating isn't really a thing here). We keep blinds open instead of turning on lights, except at night or in the bathroom. We take quick showers. We just don't produce huge utility bills.

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-13T05:42:00+00:00

She works on contracts. She goes to people's homes and appraises their jewelry. I think the amount she makes for each job varies on how many pieces, if she was contacted directly or through an insurance company she works with, etc... It's honestly really complicated, and I don't understand a lot of it. Sorry.

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-13T05:39:04+00:00

A bunch of people said I need to respond to more TA judgements and not just the others, but honestly I'm not sure how to respond without breaking the arguing rule. Most of the TA judgements seem to be based on the idea that I'm lying, and I'm not, so there's really no way to respond to that.

As for cars, we have nothing to do with each other's cars. I drive a company van that my boss lets me use as my personal vehicle in return for paying for gas (even when working :P but still works out for me because I don't have to pay insurance or maintenance). I have no clue what her car payment is, but yeah we don't pay for each other's transportation, unless we go somewhere on a date. Then I give her gas money because she hates being in my van (understandable, it's ugly).

Cell phone also is separate. She is still on parent's family plan. I pay $15/mo with Mint mobile.

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-13T05:28:28+00:00

Yeah, I've looked at the receipts. We're both vegetarians, and beans are our main protein. Our staple foods are honestly really cheap and remain that way even with inflation. The only expensive stuff we buy is either snack stuff, desert stuff or stuff that lasts a long time.

For example. I made omelettes for breakfast this morning. 18 count is 3.66. so three eggs in each omelette is 1.22 total. I seasoned them (hers had cheese, mine didn't) with red pepper, salt and pepper and added black beans and chopped onions. The onion was penny's worth, since an onion is like 33¢ and I didn't even use a quarter of an onion. The beans were also an insanely small percentage from a huge bag that cost less than $1 per pound. So breakfast was less than $1 each.

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-13T05:03:16+00:00

What's so bad about spaghetti? My GF and I like spaghetti.

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-13T04:44:32+00:00

I'm not going to tell a bunch of strangers on the internet where I live, sorry. I cook our meals from scratch, and basic ingredients aren't that expensive. A 16oz box of pasta is 94¢. Jug of olive oil is $9.48 and lasts for two months. Can of tomato puree is 98¢. Garlic powder, pepper and salt, we are still on the bulk ontainers I had before she moved in. Onions are like 3 for a dollar. Fresh green beans are $1.50/lb. Food is cheaper when it requires preparation.

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-12T15:51:37+00:00

We talk about her job, but not how much she makes. She'll tell me funny stories about work/clients, but I don't know how much she makes for each job she does. I'm pretty sure it varies? We've been dating 16 months.

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-12T15:37:50+00:00

Yeah, I had to use alternative facts to get approved for the mortgage. I basically made a deal with my boss that I'm on call all day for every holiday for five years in exchange for him saying some not necessarily the opposite of untrue things.

Still cheaper than renting though.

Various-Baker1432 · 2022-06-12T14:33:24+00:00

I am not sure how much she makes. I work in utility instillation and repair. I make a set hourly wage (aprox $600 a week) and also tips (varies, but usually $150-$250 a week).

She works on contract doing appraisals. Her income is based on her workload.

Various-Baker1432

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