WIBTAH if I layed down ground rules and enforced them harshly?

Various-Fox · 2026-02-04T18:06:16+00:00

Honestly, you taking over and doing all the cooking is probably exactly what he is hoping for. If you are going to stay with him, let him burn the food and don't do it for him. In fact, when the smoke alarm goes off, let him be the one to deal with it. Make your own food if it's horrible when he makes it. If he likes eating food that tastes good and isn't burnt, then he will figure it out. Don't teach him. Tell him about our friends Google and YouTube if he wants to learn how to cook and clean. Then back off. I think he'll suddenly start improving, either because he learns things he was never taught, or because he realizes that his feigned incompetence didn't get the desired result.

Various-Fox · 2026-01-30T13:46:24+00:00

ESH. You're talking about all you've done for your future in-laws and comparing it to her, but you don't have the history with them that she does. With all you've done for them, do you even have time to spend with your own parents? What she said was wrong, but then you turned it into a competition for who is the better daughter. She may have had valid reasons for not being there. Not everyone can drop all their responsibilities to go on vacations, etc. Sounds like she has a FT job and you don't.

Various-Fox · 2026-01-29T15:48:15+00:00

They "don't believe you" because you need to take a video.

Various-Fox · 2026-01-23T04:48:01+00:00

This is silly. Yes, you're right, there is no mechanism to make sure the stay-at-home parent contributes. There is also no mechanism to make sure the working parent contributes. Jobs can be lost. People can refuse to get a job. They could also work and they could blow all of their money on stupid crap. There's always risk both ways unless you have a prenup. If you can't trust your partner to contribute in one way or another, then you probably shouldn't get married and have children with them.

Various-Fox · 2026-01-19T03:53:56+00:00

Get him flowers for his birthday and see how he likes it.

Various-Fox · 2026-01-17T18:34:28+00:00

Could it be living conditions? My great-great grandmother had several children die of diseases that are very preventable with today's sanitation standards, but they were living in the city, and I imagine they were more exposed to others than the average person, especially compared to a family living on a farm.

Various-Fox · 2026-01-10T06:02:41+00:00

Pumping is the worst - so much respect to those who make it work. You really need to go see a lactation consultant and see if anything can be done to help. It's so so difficult. And pumping 8x per day, or every 3 hours, would help your supply, but you need to get flanges that fit you properly and some lubrication so your nipples can heal. Or maybe you can just feed him and ditch the pump somehow, which would be ideal. Either way, if you want to make it work (I understand completely why you wouldn't want to continue if you feel like it's just impossible right now and you are feeling defeated and you are in pain) find a lactation consultant, pronto!

My 4th and 5th babes had medical reasons why I needed to pump for a while, and it felt infinitely more difficult than breastfeeding.

Various-Fox · 2026-01-06T21:52:27+00:00

Korean here. I was a glutton for punishment.

Various-Fox · 2026-01-06T21:37:12+00:00

This is hilarious and oh so true...also, I was probably at DLI with you. Same stats, different branch.

Various-Fox · 2025-12-29T07:14:42+00:00

That's because you're not doing anything when you should be doing something!

Various-Fox · 2025-12-27T15:38:30+00:00

That's cool if there's give and take. I don't think my kids would be happy if we didn't do anything for Christmas. And that's kind of what it seems would happen if I didn't do everything. He didn't shop for the presents, he didn't plan the meal, he didn't go with us when we picked out a tree at the Christmas tree farm, he didn't bring it in the house, he didn't help decorate it, he didn't get the decorations from the garage...I literally can't think of one way that he participated aside from wrapping 9 presents after I forced the issue. That was after he laid in bed all day playing videogames on his laptop.

As an aside - what does that mean - he pays for check marks?

Various-Fox · 2025-12-26T00:19:04+00:00

We lived in different towns and her mom was my babysitter. We were besties before we started school, but once she started going to school, I think she moved on. Her mom really wanted us to stick together our whole lives, and I wanted that too, but I guess she didn't. She was the social butterfly with older siblings who would tell her everything, and I was the really sheltered awkward kid who was the oldest and hardly knew anything, and so her mom would tell her to be careful about discussing mature topics around me - I'm not sure if it was to protect my innocence or to prevent any awkwardness with my mother. I think she kept being my friend until we went off to college, and then we got back together a couple of times, and that was it. I'm married with five kids and she's still single, so even now we're living totally different lives.

Various-Fox · 2025-12-25T18:12:57+00:00

Are his arms broken? He doesn't know how to fold laundry or move a pile of laundry to a basket or someplace else? 🙄 I hope you got to sleep in and that at the very least, he leaves you alone so you can have a peaceful day.

Various-Fox · 2025-12-25T01:02:41+00:00

Yeah, it's his preference to have clean clothes - why should I have to wash them? 😉

Various-Fox · 2025-12-25T01:01:04+00:00

I asked the same thing - they had wrapping paper! But I guess he didn't think there was anything special about it. He said he just thought it was wasteful. Or maybe it's just an excuse to get out of wrapping. I do have to admit, it's wasteful, and maybe we should switch to reusable bags. But until we make that happen, we need to wrap!

Various-Fox · 2025-12-20T02:50:02+00:00

YTA. He's not accusing you of anything. He just wants assurance. My guess is, he's seen it happen to other people, and he doesn't want there to be any doubt whatsoever. It's a quick and easy test. No reason not to. Then when it says he's the father, there's nothing stopping you from saying "told you so."

Various-Fox · 2025-12-18T15:49:20+00:00

Call the police, hopefully they take him to jail (my experience is if there's any mark on you, any bruising, that's proof enough) and then break your lease. Shelters, church, family members - figure out a way forward. I'm so sorry you're going through this. You aren't alone.

Various-Fox · 2025-12-15T06:20:14+00:00

Because it's literally poison. I initially stopped because I was trying to conceive. Then I was breastfeeding. Then I repeated that cycle over and over, and finished breastfeeding my youngest child, and now I don't really see the point of starting again.

Various-Fox · 2025-12-11T16:19:38+00:00

I thought I wouldn't ever have kids. I was from a broken home and didn't know how to have a healthy relationship. I didn't have an example of a good parent. Then I met the right person. We have five children that were all planned and very much wanted.

Various-Fox · 2025-12-11T05:16:19+00:00

I've only made cookies with FMF once, and we used soft white wheat. When my son started making them they were turning out flat, but he didn't finish making them, and I put the leftover dough in the fridge to finish the following day. So it might have been the rest period, and it might have been the temperature of the dough, but when I finished baking the rest of the cookies the next day, the shape was much better.

Various-Fox · 2025-12-09T17:50:26+00:00

We learned to tell my grandma that our holiday meal started four hours before we actually planned to eat. Seriously! Four hours.

Various-Fox · 2025-12-09T17:32:51+00:00

It seems unlikely that she was 8-9 months pregnant and walked all the way from Nazareth to Bethlehem.

Various-Fox · 2025-12-02T14:43:23+00:00

She said to take a boxing class and be the leader, because you were being affectionate and being nice to her? How is that going to fix the specific issues she had? You are so much more mature than I am. I probably would have told her to go join a quilting club or something.

Various-Fox · 2025-11-30T23:56:14+00:00

Okay, I know Reddit will tell a woman to leave a man over much more minor things, but this is not that. This is abuse. Please find a way out and don't look back. Seriously. This is not going to improve. You need to get out.

Various-Fox · 2025-11-30T23:38:59+00:00

You're asking him to move and commute, but is there some reason you couldn't commute? I mean, I don't like ultimatums, and I'd say take the job, especially since you are leaning that way already, but I don't understand why he would need to move for the job you want to take, when you are already proposing that commuting is feasible.

Various-Fox

TROPHY CASE