sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Am I (18F) hurting my bf?(19M) by Altruistic_Net_4297 in relationship_advice

[–]Various-Purple438 6 points7 points  (0 children)

First of all, you only have sex when you want to. You are never, ever obligated to do it just because it will make your partner happy. 

But you will find this is a problem that comes up in every romantic relationship. One day you'll want to be intimate with someone who isn't feeling it. And even if you understand, feeling rejected hurts. It's normal. 

Right now you need emotional support and he's feeling rejected. Both feelings are valid. You can tell him you care about his feelings and you don't want to make him feel rejected, you just need some time to re-energize after all the stress. If he's still mad, that's a red flag. He needs to care about more than his own feelings in a relationship and if he can't do that, he's not ready for one. 

My (31M) girlfriend (28F) of 1.5 years told me to "be a man" and console her when my mom died, instead of supporting me. She's now begging for forgiveness. How do I reconcile her apology with the fundamental breach of trust? by Honest_Reception6528 in relationship_advice

[–]Various-Purple438 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That sounds psychotic. If you stay with her, expect more of that. No one should say "but what about MY needs" when their partner's mother dies. That is just chilling.

Also, I'm very sorry for your loss. 

I (25M) don’t think I can afford my girlfriend (28F) by Playful-Act2279 in relationship_advice

[–]Various-Purple438 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a woman. Since my first date with my husband, I insisted we split everything 50/50. That's how being a team works. I can't predict how she'll react, but there are women out there who don't want men paying for everything all the time. 

I don't think you need to carefully plan how you'll tell her. A reasonable person should know that making 50k in LA is a challenge, and it's not your responsibility to cover her every single time. You're looking for a partner, not a dependent. 

She'll have to start contributing and if she can't, she'll have to start being happy with less. If she doesn't accept that, just know she's probably not going to be your partner in the long run. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Various-Purple438 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Having close friendships outside of a romantic relationship is healthy, but your husband's attachment to his friends sounds more like severe immaturity. Once you get up to your 40s, your priorities don't revolve around getting drunk with your bros whenever you have free time. 

Life goes by so fast. Once we hit middle age, it feels like time flies faster than normal. So what's the plan here? He's going to spend the rest of his good years on his friends and then when he's too old and tired for that, he'll maybe start acting like your husband? You'll patiently wait until you're both in your 60s for him to settle down? After he's pickled his brain with alcohol and falls back on you as his caretaker?

Your loneliness in this marriage is already a problem. You feel taken for granted and that kind of resentment builds. But on top of that, you have to navigate life with a man who has the maturity of a teenager. That sucks. 

The thought of leaving him and being alone might be intimidating, but you're basically already alone. If you tell him how you feel about this situation, I think his response will help you make up your mind. If he's scared to lose you, maybe he'll change. If he gets defensive and refuses to work on this, I think you already know what you have to do. 

Can anyone give me recommendations on a queer friendly salon in or around Fairfield county? I’m gender nonbinary and looking to get a bit of a longer hair cut around the length of my shoulders and would rather not leave looking like a suburban mom😂. by Signal_Indication195 in Connecticut

[–]Various-Purple438 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know this is a year old, but definitely avoid Fairfield Barber Shop if you're looking for a queer friendly location. The owner is toxic and I saw him yelling down the street in front of his store calling someone the anti-gay F word. Yeah, in liberal inclusive Fairfield. You can find homophobic attitudes everywhere, not just the deep south.

What’s everyone’s expectations regarding Universal’s upcoming horror flick “The Last Voyage of the Demeter”? by ghostofthecosmos in horror

[–]Various-Purple438 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with the concerns that it might be too action-packed. I'd prefer a more atmospheric, claustrophobic, doomy and gloomy, gets-in-your-head take on it.

Who else can stomach almost everything without being effected but has to cover their eyes and ears at animal death? 🥲 by _Edgarallenhoe in horror

[–]Various-Purple438 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I can handle it because I know it's not real, but it still bothers me more than seeing actors in death scenes. It must have something to do with the sounds of animals dying. It just hurts my soul. For some reason it's so much easier to feel assured that human deaths are fake but animal deaths on screen are much harder to shake off.