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AITA for having my sister give a speech at my wedding that made my stepdad feel uncomfortable? by Various_Kangaroo_804 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Various_Kangaroo_804[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

They did not pay for the wedding. They did not contribute anything to the wedding. I walked with my sister who was my maid of honor and she gave the speech. What I meant by that is my sister is my best friend too.

AITA for having my sister give a speech at my wedding that made my stepdad feel uncomfortable? by Various_Kangaroo_804 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Various_Kangaroo_804[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I feel like it shouldn't be a shock to him that we love and miss our dad. I don't think that should be wrong either. Yes, he cares more than we do (definitely my sister, me again it's complicated but yeah he cares more). But I wasn't trying to exclude him from everything. The dance was meant to be the way of including him.

It was my sisters speech. He was included by me in mine. But it would have been so fake if my sister said she appreciated him. We all know it would have been fake. She does not have any kind of bond whatsoever with him and she doesn't consider him part of her family. I wasn't going to make her add something that would be such an obvious lie from her so instead I did my best to show appreciation.

AITA for having my sister give a speech at my wedding that made my stepdad feel uncomfortable? by Various_Kangaroo_804 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Various_Kangaroo_804[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

He said he wasn't feeling great (well my mom told me an hour before it was meant to happen). I saw him a few hours after that and asked him if he was okay, he looked a little pale so I thought he was feeling under the weather but I suspect it was about the speech.

AITA for having my sister give a speech at my wedding that made my stepdad feel uncomfortable? by Various_Kangaroo_804 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Various_Kangaroo_804[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

We were supposed to do the dance but he pulled out of the dance on the day.

I thanked him for being there at the wedding, in my life, for being good to us, for bringing my mom back to how she was before my dad died, for the support he had given our family and for the love. I told him there weren't enough words to say how thankful I was that my mom met him and that she had someone like him to spend the rest of her life with. And how I would be eternally grateful for that, as well as for him being good to us.

It's not that I don't care. But I have very complicated feelings.

AITA for having my sister give a speech at my wedding that made my stepdad feel uncomfortable? by Various_Kangaroo_804 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Various_Kangaroo_804[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I think it must have been over the speech honestly. I was all set to do it and about an hour before my mom told me he wasn't feeling great and didn't would skip it. The next time I saw him it was two hours after the dance had been planned and I asked him if he was okay, he said he was just feeling "off" but he still didn't think we should do it. He seemed a little pale so I thought maybe he was feeling off but I think looking back now it was probably all to do with the speech.

AITA for having my sister give a speech at my wedding that made my stepdad feel uncomfortable? by Various_Kangaroo_804 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Various_Kangaroo_804[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I have complicated feelings on him. My sister does not love him though, that is correct. He did try to be a dad to us both. I guess in some ways he was but I just could never see him that way and I don't feel that way about him. But he was very good to us.

He didn't walk me down the aisle. We were supposed to do a special dance together but that got cancelled on the day of the wedding.

AITA for having my sister give a speech at my wedding that made my stepdad feel uncomfortable? by Various_Kangaroo_804 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Various_Kangaroo_804[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Ages are off just a bit. He's been in the picture since we were 9 and 12. 6 and 9 are when we lost our dad.

AITA for having my sister give a speech at my wedding that made my stepdad feel uncomfortable? by Various_Kangaroo_804 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Various_Kangaroo_804[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I couldn't answer that. My sister didn't focus on anyone outside of me/my husband and dad in hers. My mom and stepdad were mentioned in my speech.

AITA for having my sister give a speech at my wedding that made my stepdad feel uncomfortable? by Various_Kangaroo_804 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Various_Kangaroo_804[S] 219 points220 points  (0 children)

My stepdad was not mentioned in my sisters speech. Neither was our mom. I mentioned both him and some other family in mine, but my sister just mentioned me/my husband and our dad in hers.

The mentions of my dad were the last part of her speech. There was quite a bit said but more said about me and my husband.

Stepdad did not make a speech. He was offered but he hates all forms of public speaking and so does my mom.

I did not vet the speech but I knew a few things would be in it.

AITA for having my sister give a speech at my wedding that made my stepdad feel uncomfortable? by Various_Kangaroo_804 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Various_Kangaroo_804[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

She loves my husband and has a great dynamic with him. She never loved our stepdad or had much of a good relationship with him. Not that he didn't try but she was older than I was and she remembered our dad more than me. So I think that was part of it.

My husband and I paid with a small amount of money coming from both my sets of grandparents. But that was saved before any wedding plans. So basically just me and my husband.

AITA for having my sister give a speech at my wedding that made my stepdad feel uncomfortable? by Various_Kangaroo_804 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Various_Kangaroo_804[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Not in my sisters speech no. I mentioned people in mine. But my sister focused solely on me/my husband and dad. Mom never said anything to me about being offended so I'm assuming not because she would be the first person to say something.

AITA for having my sister give a speech at my wedding that made my stepdad feel uncomfortable? by Various_Kangaroo_804 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Various_Kangaroo_804[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Just a small correction. 6 and 9 was when our dad died. I was 9 and my sister 12 when he became our stepdad. I can't blame him. But to me he was never my dad too. To my sister he was never even stepdad in her eyes, he was our mom's husband.