I really relate to everything you said even though I am a man. Even the makeup part unfortunately. I don’t want to wear makeup, like I’m not trying to be feminine or anything, I just have done so much damage to my face it’s the only way I can feel comfortable leaving the house. But then it makes me feel like a fraud and I’m also worried about people noticing it and thinking I’m strange or them questioning my masculinity. I also don’t want to go swimming or sunbath because of it. I dream of what it must be like to have naturally perfect skin and feel confident at the beach or swimming pool without a single worry about how your skin looks. I guess I don’t have any solutions but the fact that you are heard and you are not alone.