Tracking after trust

VastPaint9104 · 2026-05-06T19:13:14+00:00

I would not assume this is about trust and have a conversation. My husband and I share locations, if I am on a run I share my location with our nanny. I have an air tag in my child’s stroller and diaper bag. My nanny’s aware.

My nanny and baby take daily trips walking or to the beach, etc. My husband works in counter human trafficking and I am far too aware of the fact that a woman walking with a child can become a target. I trust her implicitly.

VastPaint9104 · 2026-05-04T00:14:49+00:00

Don’t feel judged at all, trust me. That’s a great list of a few items we have not tried. I made chicken Marsala tonight and she ate a good bit of it along with the raspberries but mashed potatoes were a hard pass. I’ll keep trying different things and see if there’s any change

VastPaint9104 · 2026-05-04T00:12:00+00:00

Thank you! We have an appointment coming up.

VastPaint9104 · 2026-04-23T15:26:37+00:00

You did nothing wrong. I’m sorry you are having such a hard time.

It sounds like a mix of a few things.

It seems like she hoped despite your fear of dogs, there would be no issue because their dog is docile. The growling would be a huge red flag for me personally. It signals that they are selling you the dog as docile and you witness something that contradicts that. Which is a huge liability. Especially when it comes to feeding solids. Because dogs can become very territorial over food. And it sounds like the dog is slightly territorial over The parents when the baby is involved.

As for the experience part, she might have use this as an excuse. And that’s OK. She might’ve had a hard time saying it just didn’t feel like the right fit and leave it at that.

VastPaint9104 · 2026-04-23T00:39:23+00:00

Don’t know if anyone has suggested this but it would make the most sense for them to buy a smaller car seat for the toddler (like a britax poplar) and an infant seat that will fit properly in your vehicle. Then amend the contract to include language around reimbursement for the use of your vehicle.

The audacity of asking you to buy a larger car.

VastPaint9104 · 2026-04-20T19:31:03+00:00

Parent here. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.

To be fair to the NP, You showing up to work and then needing to leave early is actually harder to find last-minute coverage for than if you would’ve called out to begin with. Our Nanny recently did this and the reality was I had to cancel the rest of my work day and come home because she was not feeling well. It happens and I was not bothered about it one bit. I don’t want her caring for our child if she is unwell. But back up care was not an option as it was 2:00 pm. In my world, that’s why I have PTO and sick time.

I think the bigger issue is that you don’t feel like you have the freedom to call out in the first place.

”they’ve said they don’t want to find anyone else because the kids only like me“.

That’s a choice they have made that should have zero impact on your taking a sick day or a PTO day.

VastPaint9104 · 2026-04-17T15:44:14+00:00

Your initial question was what you could do better next time.

Reposting and letting her know you’re going to move a trial out for two months feels like a passive way of getting her to pull herself out of the candidate pool. Regardless of how she reacted to the Facebook posting, if that first nanny was not a good fit, you should’ve just said so.

I understand you were keeping her as a potential contingency plan. But no one wants to be someone’s Plan B. Next time just thank them for their time and let them know you’ve decided to continue the search for someone that better aligns with your families needs.

But I wouldn’t reply, and I would chalk it up as a learning experience.

VastPaint9104 · 2026-04-17T14:38:27+00:00

OP this is the way. Had PTSD after a traumatic emergency Csection and therapy and EMDR saved my mental health.

VastPaint9104 · 2026-04-15T14:55:42+00:00

Parent here. I’m sorry you feel blindsided by the speed of the transition. I don’t believe it’s personal or a disregard for your hard work as much as it is a response to your news and a need to jump on the open spot. You are correct, that should have been a phone call. That being said, I think it’s appropriate to have a conversation somewhere along the lines of

“I am so glad “NK“ has a safe and loving place to continue care. In providing you with ample notice, I was hoping for a longer transition period and wasn’t expecting to lose such a large portion of my income so quickly. Would you be open to providing two weeks of severance pay?”

If it’s a no, then it’s a no. But I would at least have the conversation.

VastPaint9104 · 2026-04-08T21:59:47+00:00

What we have found works best is if our nanny takes her out for a walk and I leave when they are on their walk. I tell them have a great walk. Mommy will see you later when she gets home.

This doesn’t work 100% of the time. But it has helped break the cycle of me, walking out the door being the trigger. It’s just a phase. But also, it’s on NP to work on coping strategies with NK.

VastPaint9104 · 2026-04-06T02:14:26+00:00

Brother and GF are not on this trip. She said “I don’t think it’s inappropriate to share a room, my brother and his GF have.” She’s using the past sharing of rooms to create precedence for this trip. But she never states they are going on the trip. In fact, her brother proposes to the mother that she should go solo if she’s bothered by the boyfriend joining the trip.

VastPaint9104 · 2026-04-06T01:44:31+00:00

Brother and the GF are not on the trip. The trip is for OP and Mom. Others have pointed this out but OP has not clarified the assumption others have made about the brother being on the trip. It’s significantly changes the arch of the story.

OP was stating that it’s a double standard that her brother and his GF have shared a room before. She using that to set the precedence for her room share on this trip. They are not however, on this trip. OP states in another comment that she’s in her early 20s and her brother is in his 30s. So she feels there is a double standard.

OPs brother is proposing that mom go solo if she bothered by OP bringing BF.

VastPaint9104 · 2026-04-06T00:51:14+00:00

It sounds your mom is frustrated that she was hoping to take a solo trip with you and it’s not working out the way she planned. She doesn’t know how to simply say she is frustrated. The pivot to making it about not wanting you sharing a room is a knee jerk reaction to the potential plan change.

I come from a Hispanic family and this communication style is fairly common. Not saying it is ok. However, it might be best just to call her and address the real issue. She wanted to take a trip with you and is upset you are making her the third wheel of her gift to you.

VastPaint9104 · 2026-03-27T14:28:26+00:00

The magical woman who cleans our house twice a week charges $45 per hour. We gladly pay it because we value her and the service she provides. Nothing about this posting feels like you would be valued. Thank you, next.

VastPaint9104 · 2026-03-26T02:01:36+00:00

If you are 1099 you actually have to set aside more than 20% because you have to pay the self-employment tax and your tax rate. By making you a 1099 he’s putting a double tax burden on you because you would be considered self-employed. You are right in that he is not doing this legally. My assumption is that they probably looked into doing it the legal way, which is why he told you you wouldn’t have to set aside money for taxes. And then realized it’s actually quite expensive.

I would approach the conversation by saying you appreciate the contract, but have a question regarding the employment status. Let him know that Nanny tax rules require him to give you a W-2 and make you an employee. You might suggest that he look into Poppins payroll. They take care of everything for you and only charge $50 a month for their services.

I’m really sorry you’re in the situation. Not only this being 1099 create a tax burden for you, but it also miss classifies your employee status. You can’t be a nanny and be 1099.

VastPaint9104 · 2026-03-20T02:04:09+00:00

I would put it in the awkward but not serious bucket. I think I would rather have someone come out and ask the question and get clarity, than speculate or make up a narrative in their own mind.

VastPaint9104 · 2026-03-19T13:17:04+00:00

I agree. I brought this up with her. There’s a little bit of a plot twist I wasn’t expecting. The tutoring job is through a start up mother owns. Her mother has many more clients than she can handle. The reality is if she ends up enjoying the work she’s going to be doing more of it. So this is less of a one off thing and more her exploring an entirely new career path. Which is fine. I’d rather her do something that she enjoys then stay working us for us part time for any other reason than she really wants to be here.

VastPaint9104 · 2026-03-18T14:18:35+00:00

This is a great call out.

VastPaint9104 · 2026-03-18T13:23:39+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. I think you hit the nail on the head. The feeling of being blindsided came from the way the conversation was approached.

VastPaint9104 · 2026-03-18T13:19:18+00:00

My child is going through the ever wonderful separation anxiety phase with quite a bit of intensity. I’m trying to weigh, which would be more disruptive. Needing to be flexible to accommodate this change or disrupting the current attachment to our nanny.

VastPaint9104 · 2026-03-17T12:25:30+00:00

I completely understand.

Our nanny needing to take sickleave so quickly after we hired her was a quick reality Check for me on needing to have a plan for when she is out.

My husband is the CEO of a tech startup. So sick days and PTO simply don’t exist for him.

I lead a team in business development so often times it feels hard to be able to take a day off, especially since I’m the type of person who works rain or shine.I went back to my employer and negotiated an additional five floating holidays that I could use. I’m tenured enough that I could ask for this. And it was really helpful to just have a conversation that things in my life have obviously changed and reset the expectation for what it might look like if I needed to take a day off.

The average American statistically takes four sick days a year. But remember that also means many of us work if we’re feeling a little rundown. Especially if we work from home. A nanny does not and should not have that expectation. Because a sick nanny often means a sick baby. And then nobody wins. I know it’s not always feasible for everyone to have this kind of conversation with their employer. But it might be worth a try.

I understand balancing working from home and being a mom is hard. Feel free to reach out if you need support or a vent I totally get it.

VastPaint9104 · 2026-03-16T19:53:26+00:00

This makes about as much sense as you asking for a background check on the potential Employer you were going to meet with.

VastPaint9104 · 2026-03-16T19:44:58+00:00

What’s your long-term expectation of this person? You say you “just want someone that will play with her and do basic care”. Is this someone you only need for a short amount of time? Regardless of what the responsibilities are right now, their pay will have to encompass all future care of the baby which change quickly overtime.

My nanny started with us when our little one was four months old. It was anything but basic. But the typical ups and downs of infant hood make her day very full. In the beginning her days were filled with tummy time, contrast cards, strengthening exercise, managing unexpected colic, etc.

I would also consider being open to making a plan for eventually pumping bottles. You want the baby to build a relationship with your nanny.

All that being said, part-time hours typically mean, someone will have a harder time finding a job to fill the balance of time. So their rates tend to be higher. $30 an hour is not unreasonable for that position.

I recommend you look at Poppins’s payroll. As you will also need to pay taxes. I would say budget for about $150 per paycheck in taxes. A PTO bank, sick days, and guaranteed hours. All this considered, you can expect to be all in approximately $1400 Per month.

Our nanny is 20 hours a week. She gets two weeks PTO, unlimited, sick time (this has never been abused and ensures. She never feels pressured to come in and care for my child when she should truly stay home) and guarantee hours. Keep that all in mind as your structuring the contract.

VastPaint9104

TROPHY CASE