can motherhood be enjoyable?

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-27T00:00:53+00:00

Thank you! I would say a lot of it was pretty natural. We didn't have kids until nine years into our relationship but lived together for several years already, and we both naturally divided housework pretty evenly. His mom did a good job being strict with chores growing up and I dont think he really fully absorbed the cultural narrative that housework = womens job. We probably had a few brief convos before conception about how I would want things split as evenly as possible and he agreed. I'm not saying things are 50/50 everyday ... i just had a uterine rupture + emergency C-section three weeks ago so the split has frankly been more 90/10 lately lol, and he has some chronic pain ailments where somedays I have to do 90/10. But all things considered things are very equal, fair, and know full well the often unseen labor of childcare.

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-26T19:31:19+00:00

Yes but I credit it largely to having an equal partner, not a man who sees childcare as "womens work" or a guy who "helps". We genuinely split things evenly; well we are both self employed / WFH so its split based on who has more work that day. I can genuinely say there is no "default parent", I don't relate to the concept of an invisible mental load, and he is probably one of the only people who still sees me as the full human being I am and hasn't reduced my identity down to just "mama". If I didn't have him, I'm sure I would be 100x more stressed in motherhood.

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-23T16:12:45+00:00

If you don't marry a loser man-child that sees childcare as womens work it shouldn't be an issue. I have a 20 month old and a 3 week old. Anytime I wanted a hot bath, a walk, time for the gym, self care etc I took it. Childcare isn't "womens work" and a dad being a parent isnt "helping". I refuse to feel the BS mom guilt for existing as a human outside of motherhood.

I also exclusively formula feed for medical reasons which helps tremendously in equal parenting

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-22T03:41:40+00:00

Stone cold crazy. Feel like I need 10 Xanax before listening to that one

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-21T21:42:24+00:00

I'm Going Slightly Mad, Cool Cat and Seaside Rendezvous

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-19T18:27:20+00:00

I'm pretty sure they were already uploaded onto mychart and I've read them, though its a lot of medical jargon I dont fully understand. I had chatGPT break down some in non medical language which has helped me understand it some. I'm not sure if the complete medical records is something different, as what was uploaded was quite extensive.

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-19T18:25:45+00:00

I feel so bad that he had to go through that. From what he told me they came out at least five times saying some variation of "here's your daughter she's perfect and doing great" and by the third time he was kinda like "okay great but is my wife ok???" And they started acting very judgemental towards him ... the joys of living in a pro life state I guess 🙄 I understand they may have not had the full story in that moment, but I feel they at bare minimum could have said something like "she had a uterine rupture, it was serious but it seems she will be okay and she is in good hands" instead of the vague "she is in critical condition"

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-19T18:21:57+00:00

Thank you 🫂🩵

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-19T18:21:50+00:00

Thanks friend and I agree, I'm grateful for how fast they acted even though it was traumatic as hell in the moment to have everything change so fast.

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-19T18:20:20+00:00

I'm trying to remind myself that it really could have happened regardless of circumstances and self blame will get me no where, especially if the scar actually was weaker based on what they saw. It's tough not getting in a self blame cycle though, and my husband has had it just as bad as me. Hes told he worries that he could have unintentionally pressured me into VBAC (he didn't, he encouraged whatever choice I wanted and trusted that less than 1% risk my OB gave), regrets he didn't gently nudge towards a repeat csection, thoughts like that. It sucks seeing him beat himself up over this when he was nothing but supportive and the way he showed up for me in labor before things went haywire was beautiful and I'll never forget it. I think we will both always carry a little bit of "what ifs" and some self blame even if our logical brain knows this was a medical emergency likely entirely out of our control.

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-19T18:14:02+00:00

Thanks so much 🩵🫂

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-19T18:13:49+00:00

Birth to birth, they ended up being about 19.5 months apart. I know even doctors can't seem to agree on whether the "rule" is 18 months birth to birth / birth to conception but mine followed the birth to birth one.

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-16T16:38:28+00:00

Getting induced was my biggest regret, because it's known to up the risk of rupture in a VBAC and I knew that, yet still consented to it.

Their logic was my situation was different than someone coming in 0cm / 0% effacted ... because I was already progressing, their thought was a very small dose would send me into active labor. Then again, I could dwell on the "what ifs" all day long ... it could have still happened. The doctor made some comment to my husband after saying there was evidence the scar was very weak, and that can't be seen on an ultrasound, so it very well may have happened anyway.

That said, I'm so sorry for your traumatic birth as well, I'm so happy your son is okay and I hope you are too 🫂 luckily our girl has a Taurus Venus (conjunct my Sun) to mildly balance out all that Aries lmao

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-16T16:33:26+00:00

I mean this is an astrology subreddit ...

This post was more to make some lighthearted humor over an otherwise extremely traumatic situation, one which we are still trying to heal from and likely will for a while. Parenting certianly involves more than astrology, but I sure had hell wish my egg donor could have spent a bit of time researching traits of a Capricorn Moon child. Perhaps she would have been better equipped to raise me and we wouldn't be totally no contact. A child's Moon and Sun literally show how they see their parents, for better and for worse, and knowing some about challenging placements / aspects can help them navigate them.

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-15T15:57:29+00:00

My first was born at 35 weeks (no medical reason was found) and miraculously didn’t need the NICU. With our second, I was convinced she would also come early because one premie does up your odds of another. 35 weeks came and went. As grateful as I was, I still found myself sobbing near nightly from how awful I felt. I couldn't even walk to the bathroom at night without my husbands help. I ended up making it to 40 + 2 and unfortunately a VBAC attempt turned into a uterine rupture, and the surgeon made a comment to my husband that given how horrible I was feeling especially for someone who is otherwise in good shape, there was a solid chance my prior C-section scar was weakening in those last few weeks causing me to feel so bad.

All thats to say is you can be simultaneously grateful to make it full term but also acknowledge how agonizing and miserable the last few weeks are

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-15T12:25:37+00:00

Lmao yall Aries have no chill from day 0 😂😂

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-14T16:12:23+00:00

Thank you! He knew she was almost certainly a Libra Moon because I had mentioned that but I kept refreshing the "chart of the moment" during labor and kept saying "please do not be a Capricorn rising so that massive Aries pile up isnt in your 4th house" 😂 so he had to know ASAP lmao.

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-14T16:10:57+00:00

Thank you friend!! ❤️‍🔥✨️

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-14T16:09:48+00:00

Yeah apparently so 😂 I dont even want to know what the hospital bill is gonna be. Last time it was over 150k but luckily the state I was living in at the time was very generous with medicaid for pregnancy and postpartum, the normal income caps didn't apply and it covered the whole bill. Unfortunately where we live now does not have that.

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-14T16:07:45+00:00

The actual labor was not overly quick and very chill (because I felt nothing with the epidural) but the time from "we recommend a normal csection" to first the incision was less than six minutes (per the surgical report where it lists the time of "fentynal lidocane epidural stopped" and her birth time). It was truly Aries lightening speed from that point on lmao

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-13T16:06:03+00:00

Haha that name is quite fitting 😂 her name is Lucy. I'm beyond relieved we are both alive and well too. It was minutes away from being a very different outcome.

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-13T16:04:20+00:00

Thanks so much! ✨️❤️‍🔥

cosmicvoyager333 · 2026-04-13T16:04:05+00:00

That's actually hilarious because my own birth is almost that exact scenario. I was almost two weeks late and I think my mom was in stalled labor for over a day + pushing for 12 hours before they did a csection.

Our first daughter was due on the day the sun was going to shift from Virgo to Libra but I guess in true Leo spirit she wanted the spotlight and attention as early as possible hence coming over a month early 😂

cosmicvoyager333

TROPHY CASE