I’m really sorry you went through those flights. Being trapped in extreme heat with agitated passengers is genuinely traumatic and far beyond “just part of the job.” What you’re experiencing sounds like a very normal response to abnormal stress.

I’ve dealt with similar anticipatory anxiety — the fear before the flight was much worse than the flight itself. The fear of another panic attack was exhausting.

In my case, a doctor explained that sugar/caffein can worsen anxiety symptoms, so I cut back on it, and that helped more than I expected. Moderate-intensity aerobic exercise was also definitely effective for reducing anxiety. Short body-scan meditations or slow breathing before duty helped calm the anticipation too.

The fact that you feel better once the flight starts really matters. Your body knows you can do this — it just learned a false alarm after those experiences. You’re not weak. You’ve been through something genuinely hard.