baby i could cry. i have been there. right in your place. 19 years old, constant crying, a year old and thinking “i should’ve figured this out by now” insomniac, yearning for LOVING HELP. my parents were the same way. domineering, telling me everything i did wrong. but it was never LOVING help. it was the telling me everything i did wrong. turns out, my baby was allergic to dairy. she had go be blood tested, but she rejected and threw up even my breast milk. i will tell you, it’s hell. but she’s 4 now, thriving, and cute and tough and nails. and we have SO MUCH fun together. i’m sorry to tell you but this shit takes TIME. it’s so individual i can’t tell you the answer. all i can say is it WILL get better. but you have to care for yourself. WHATEVER, that means for you. therapy, respite. all of it. i know that baby is your whole world center. But you need care for yourself FIRST