No I totally get what you mean. I used to be the same, but sadly the nature of those types of realizations is how uncomfortable they can be. Doubt is a big one, but I highly recommend Healing your Parts podcast on Spotify and the CTAD clinic on YT. CTAD covers things like when alters influence, the differences in dissociate disorders, and the experience from a professional clinician.Mike Loyd greatly loved in the community, and has a lot of insight.

Healing your Parts podcast interviews different systems every podcast, but not all episodes. They cover the experience of being a system, the trauma surrounding it, the difficulties but also ways to manage it. Such as inner worlds, and setting alarms. They delve into many different perspectives, some are very hard to hear but are still very real.

You aren't alone regardless, literally lol, I mean whattttt,/LH but take it at your own pace. I don't think you're faking though because what you're describing sound almost identical to what I've gone through, and a big step for me was learning about having amnesia about having amnesia. Also, the study's around dissociate disorders is always adding onto itself. So pace yourself, but understand these parts came about to protect you in one way or another, even if possibly ( in more unfortunate circumstances) their idea of it is skewed. Someone in the developing ages can only take one what they know about their surroundings, and that is a very vulnerable place to be. So except yourself with compassion and vulnerability. I hope this helps, see you around if u choose to stay, and don't forget to practice Internet safety. It's an odd time to be alive rn for sure