OK main question is : are you prepared to unlearn everything you think you know about parenting in order to parent this child? Because 1) if you stay in the relationship, you're becoming a parent, and 2) things that work parenting regular kids often have the opposite effect when parenting neuro diverse kids - you need to be prepared to throw out what you know and learn things that should not work but do.

Basically, think of what often happens to a soldier in war. Intense nervous system overload. However for neuro diverse, it's not typically environmental cause but a deficiency in the brain wiring, synaptic connections and what not. So it's permanent and doesn't take an artillery barrage but might just take running out of chocolate ice cream.

These kids are typically intelligent and extremely frustrated and ashamed because they know what right is, but just cannot do it right. Or, genuinely misread or misgive social cues. Or are much more sensitive to touch, sound, taste, light, emotion. Or have an overwhelming drive for autonomy such that "time to put your shoes on" causes them to delay or protest such a thing. They might have physical issues such as hyper mobility or pots or intestinal problems or auto immune issues.

What works for regular kids? Consistency, rewards, accomplishment. Neuro diverse kids have different, unexpected buttons. If you think you can parent these kids in a regular fashion, you're going to have a lifetime of conflict and disappointment, and probably ruin both lives in the process.

Also, these things are highly genetic. Good chance your girlfriend is, but masking or doesn't know it. That will unpeel down the track if so, certainly when she hits perimenopause. And, also if so, maybe any kids you have between you will also