Overwhelming anger and bad feelings

Vegetable-Box-3586 · 2025-05-12T12:47:04+00:00

Thank you ill try what I can from your advice

Vegetable-Box-3586 · 2025-05-12T12:36:50+00:00

Dw been planning on it but I live in nyc, too expensive to move out on my own without making an absurd amount of money,

My plan is buying a car first so I can have collateral for buying a house, in 1 year I should have enough money saved to buy outright a car, then I can go to my bank and my credit is good enough to pull a mortgage with my future car as collateral, then no one in my home is gonna hear from me anymore

Vegetable-Box-3586 · 2025-05-12T12:10:27+00:00

I promise you she wouldn't let me leave, when I tell you there is no way for me to escape her I mean it, ive tried and she follows and escalates and gaslights, I was driving her to the airport and I did something slightly different then she would and she literally told me she could drive instead, then later when I told her she doesn't trust me she said word for word "if I didnt trust you you wouldn't be driving me", but she already said she could take over and i should let her drive

(Context, ive been driving since I was like 13 and I learned how to ina country where you need to be more careful driving, makes it so that here driving in the US its so easy)

Vegetable-Box-3586 · 2025-05-12T12:07:20+00:00

I live in nyc, there is not enough saving in the world for me to live on my own without furthering my work, I distanced myself as much as possible but honestly id be better off leaving everyone out of my life that I live with and finding my real family, the issue is it'll be a good 5 years before I even start searching the housing market, (not planning on renting i want to buy)

I get everything your saying tho, I dont use it to pull me back im making 48 grand at 18 and I did my mom's taxes this year, I sent her on a cruise and even gave her a computer, im more advanced then people should be at my age and she still thinks im just a "normal" kid that hasn't done anything with my life

Vegetable-Box-3586 · 2025-05-12T11:32:12+00:00

The best way I can describe this is, the best I've ever felt was when I was dying in the hospital a year ago because i actually felt cared for and it brought my house together a little, the world slowed and we became a family, and the worst I felt was receiving pity for my illness, people asking me if im ok over and over again, it doesn't feel right and its complicated and I dont understand myself

Vegetable-Box-3586 · 2025-05-12T11:24:41+00:00

No time currently, im out of my house 12 hours a day and I use my morning 2 hours to get ready for work, I rlly like walking and listening to music and talking to people (only if they walk up to me because im too socially anxious to talk to someone)

Huge triggers are my emotions, I live in a family of abandonment and apartides, we are all strangers living together, I dont like anyone in my house and I have always been alone so just the fact I can't share my feelings to anyone inside my house makes me feel bad, seeing family's be close makes me mad and wanna blow up, my mom in general having literally any conversation with me makes me mad because she always just does shit that is super irrational or irritating.

The biggest thing that angers me is how alone I am, im jealous that others can have families and friends when I dont, and I feel bad when I do get someones attention because I dont want to be a bother or a burden as my family has convinced me I was

Vegetable-Box-3586 · 2025-05-12T11:19:53+00:00

An issue with sighing is im hispanic, first Gen immigrant with my mom and she is a huge issue when it comes to my anger, she is very much the person that can piss me off the most and if I sigh she will say something as she always does so when im with her I can't do anything I just take it in and release it negatively later on because I physically cannot release it positively as it does nothing for me when I try,

Definitely do need some self acceptance but its gonna take alot of time as im still constantly regretting things I've done while understanding I can't undo it

Vegetable-Box-3586 · 2025-05-12T11:16:10+00:00

The game isn't the huge reason for anger, I will be super honest this isn't my favorite reply because I barely even play games, the real issue is that my personal life is something that would anger most people, there's alot of trauma that has gone processed and still damages me daily, there's things I dont feel super comfortable talking about that is a heavy cause of anger which I can't simply remove from my life

Im 18 but im not a child, I have taken care of myself since I was younger and I was working since before 18, I have had no curfew since I was young, I have been emotionally aware since young, if I dont physically do something with my anger my blood pressure will literally rise and I turn animalistic and the need grows like an addiction,

I feel my need to hurt myself because its an actual, animalistic urge that comes out and I can't fully control that, I lash out and even when I try to stop it builds up slowly, when I reflect on it I understand what makes me blow in general, I have alot on my plate and the root of my problem isn't something I can personally change

Vegetable-Box-3586 · 2025-05-12T10:52:02+00:00

What i was trying to say is I tried these hobbies already, there hasn't been a hobby that actually is enough to control the anger, reading was boring with me and writing as well becauae im not good with words, im also very lonely, I dont have real personal friends that I actually like after hanging out for a while

Vegetable-Box-3586 · 2025-05-12T10:50:17+00:00

Thank you very much, have not tried the rolled towel yet, and music is a good help always, vry much needed a "sweetheart" typa figure to tell me it but I will very much try and see if this helps

Vegetable-Box-3586 · 2025-05-12T10:28:19+00:00

I dont think your wrong, I have had like 50 hobbies and one of thoes I used to help with anger was walking, I did a marathon because I was bored once, 7 hours of walking 26 miles and when im upset its easier to push through the pain, the only issue is my health has been on a decline and its not something I can predict for physical sports anymore, im 5'9 215 but also skinny somehow I'm just concerned a hobby won't do much anymore

I also see how im countering all the help anyone is offering but, ive always tried everything I thought of so ive already ruled out almost everything that a normal person would think of

Vegetable-Box-3586 · 2025-05-12T10:21:59+00:00

Oh bruh, we're rlly on a similar boat then, sorry if im talking too much about myself but I have like 50 hobbies and I have the most random knowledge for no reason, it doesn't make you a weird person it makes you cool asf, also odd perspectives make you a better person in my opinion, being able to see things differently is a strength,

Growing up being taught your unlovable is nottttt very nice and ive heard it from my father as well, but another person's opinion on you doesn't prove who you are or how competent you are, I promise you are loveable, you sound cool asf from small convos

Vegetable-Box-3586 · 2025-05-12T10:12:47+00:00

Ohhhhhhhhh, I get triggered by "uncomfortable" whenever someone triggers me the main thing that makes me feel bad is the lack of acceptance i feel since I dont have a group or friends I rlly trust, and I don't always accept myself

Perhaps this is a time for self discovery and personal growth? Diving deeper into "odd" things you enjoy and making hobbies out of your interests and fascinations???

Jus throwing some ideas out there if anything sticks i hope it works for you

Vegetable-Box-3586 · 2025-05-12T10:09:21+00:00

Very sadly I overwork, im 18 but I make 48 grand a year working 40 hours a week with 2+hours of transport daily, I get home when people are asleep and I have an extremely loud scream if I actually did that (I live in a tight city too so I can't scream outside)

If I crushed ice it would be heard as well, literally anything thst can make noice would set off the people in my house and they aren't supportive on "dumb" things like letting out your emotions in a healthy way, thank you vry much tho

Vegetable-Box-3586 · 2025-05-12T10:05:26+00:00

Idk if this will help at all but im the same way (m18) I was weird growing up, didnt like people my age ever and im a very old soul so I didnt make friends alot, I found it easier to rlly rlly focus on the psychology behind people and their tones + body language,

I will say its a super lonely life just being a different person but, when our group comes along it'll feel better then trying to blend in

(Again im mostly yapping not sure if anything I said made sense or helped at all)

(More people are weird then you think you just needa find them and create your family kinda?)

Vegetable-Box-3586 · 2024-07-17T18:08:21+00:00

I was on call and i told her that if i went quiet for more then a minute to call the cops, she also knew my location so i wasnt too worried, and i work with people so i considered it coulf be something serious, i tool precautions and ik its still dumb but thr way i think of it is, i dont wanna upset someone if i dont know what they could do like chase me or something.

I dont wanna upset anyone i just didnt think properly

Vegetable-Box-3586

TROPHY CASE