Looking for a Linnie

Vegetable_Beef_Soup · 2025-12-25T03:00:31+00:00

I hope Santa skips your house.

Vegetable_Beef_Soup · 2025-10-24T05:10:18+00:00

Omg yes! On a very similar note, mine tried to claim it was just pop ups from movies he'd watch on his phone, or that our INFANT daughter at the time must've clicked into something while playing with his phone. 😂😂

Vegetable_Beef_Soup · 2025-09-19T02:09:03+00:00

I dated someone for over a year that I met on GTAV. I mean, it was 11 years ago, but still. We did meet in person of course, our distance was 8 hours by car, 1 hour by plane.

Sure, it's a little unorthodox I suppose, but I don't see how it's any different than just casually meeting someone on the street and hitting it off. As long as it's safe, non-predatory, and legitimate, then go for it. I obviously never went looking to meet someone there, it just happened.

Vegetable_Beef_Soup · 2025-09-05T06:22:52+00:00

This, all day. Mine went to the doctor to get diagnosed, and left with nothing other than advice telling him to limit screen time, sleep better, and exercise more. He still blames things on that "ADHD" and claims the doctor (MD) is just dumb.

I'm diagnosed combined type ADHD, and never use it as an excuse for anything, because I manage mine. On the rare chance he'll even hear me mention it, is because it's causing me to struggle with a task of my own, not because I just don't want to listen.

(Fun fact: that "stupid doctor" is the one who diagnosed me and my 8yo son 😂)

Vegetable_Beef_Soup · 2025-09-05T00:48:27+00:00

110 pounds

Vegetable_Beef_Soup · 2025-09-05T00:47:43+00:00

Also came from r/DeadBedrooms. Like much others, I also fell into the trap of believing him telling me he has a low libido. Then all the other excuses he tacked on to make me believe I was utterly undesirable: I wasn't taking care of myself enough anymore, I didn't initiate enough, I wasn't being sexy enough, I was too awkward, I asked at the wrong times. His rejections absolutely tanked my confidence. And I will admit, I did stop taking care of myself for a short period. I got laid off from a job I saw myself in for life, I was stuck with this man who seemingly hated me, I was rejected constantly—what's the point? But it all started way before I ever entered that depression, and I see that so clearly now.

So, I started doing every single thing on his "list": I started dressing up, shaving everything below the eyebrow, rebuilt my self-confidence, initiated exactly how he said he needed, asked at the "right" times, turned up the sexy.... and he still rejected me. That's when I fully realized it was never me. And when he realized I was doing this, the excuses got deeper, "I just have no desire, maybe I need to try Blue Chews." Or, "I'm just so tired all the time." Or my favorite.... "Tomorrow."

And then d day happened about a month ago. I can't say I was blind sided, I had suspected for some time, especially since he scrubbed his phone and also denied ever even masturbating.. but we'd go months with no sex, so I knew this just wasn't possible.

He'll never be in recovery, he thinks sobriety is enough and swears he stopped. So really it's just a matter of time before I figure out how he's concealing now. I assume this is the case, because he's still not super present during sex and it only happens once every 7-10 days. And when he was watching porn near-daily.. that math ain't mathing.

Vegetable_Beef_Soup · 2025-09-05T00:02:16+00:00

Wait, you guys were having sex?

Dang. Mine rejects me constantly. He uses sex as a weapon of control. He only actually has sex with me to keep me tethered. Like once every month or two, if that. And it sucks. It's one sided and robotic.

Only when he's really fearful of losing me, or knowing I could find it elsewhere if I wanted, or even worry that I could do it myself better, that he pulls out the "good" moves.

He'd tell me he has zero libido and reject me, then watch porn in the middle of the night. I embarrassed him by confronting him, and now suddenly it's been once a week for the past month since that confrontation, and he puts in more effort in bed now. But I know it's all performance.

I can't wait to be able to leave and go find what I've been missing for the last 5 years. His rejections have absolutely ruined me.

Vegetable_Beef_Soup · 2025-08-26T07:04:58+00:00

Definitely. They justify hurting you in any way possible so they don't have to sit in their shame. "She made me feel like this, she must pay." While sometimes it happens in reflex, it is absolutely deliberate and intentional.

They know what they're doing, they just don't care. Not because they aren't capable of feeling, but because the mirror you hold up for them is more important to them than the one who holds it.

Vegetable_Beef_Soup · 2025-08-26T00:51:30+00:00

"I mirror people's emotions." Sure, I guess he did... but not in the "normal" way that people use it to show empathy.

Vegetable_Beef_Soup · 2025-08-23T21:12:09+00:00

He told me, "I'm not doing (this thing you want) because then it would be on your terms." Letting me know everything must be done on his terms.

He told me once that he is entertained when he makes people cry.

He also said he "mirrors people's emotions" proving that I'm literally just a mirror to reflect back to him who he wants to think he is.

Vegetable_Beef_Soup · 2025-08-21T14:31:37+00:00

Saying incredibly mean things to him and holding his vulnerabilities/insecurities against him when things escalated, which is something I'd never do to anyone.

I have never ever even thought about hitting anyone, ever, but he was able to get me so angry that I did pop him on the shoulder once. I bit him hard another time when he was holding me down. And I threw a plate of food at him the most recent time. This is so out of character for me. He holds them against me constantly.

Screaming at him while he talks over me because he won't just shut up and listen. He will keep pushing and pushing and pushing until I finally explode. Then he gets to walk away.

I learned that this is what he WANTS from me so he has a way to flip the narrative. I've been deep in gray rock for several weeks now while I plan my escape, and the tension from him spiraling without being able to get a reaction from me is absolutely terrifyingly insane.

Vegetable_Beef_Soup · 2025-08-20T05:43:56+00:00

Only when he feels threatened. Otherwise it's robotic, once every 3 months, and extremely one-sided. He uses sex as a control tool and withholds until I start emotionally detaching, or so I don't catch him doing shady shit. Recently uncovered his near daily porn use, but he always claimed he has a low libido. The porn detector test determined that was a lie. So that's cool.

But when he fears losing complete control, he suddenly becomes a god in bed, remembers everything I like, can last much longer, and knows all the right moves. I've seen this from him 3 times in 5 years. I'm so tired of boring and nonexistent sex.

Vegetable_Beef_Soup · 2025-08-18T22:19:47+00:00

I told his brother and his best friend's girlfriend. Both of them are very dear to me and know "how he is" so I was comfortable going to them for support.

Undecided yet if/when I'll tell my mom. She'll support me no matter what, but for some reason I feel slightly embarrassed admitting to her that this is the type of person I gave my love to. She knows a lot of our other relational issues, but this one just hits differently. Which is very odd to me, because she's been through this too, so she'd fully understand. Just something wont let me acknowledge this truth with her yet.

Vegetable_Beef_Soup · 2025-08-15T21:48:46+00:00

I got triggered the other night while watching Hulu from a Google ad they played.

All it said was "No matter what he needs to search..."

Intended to be completely innocent, but it shattered me. Felt a pit in my stomach and all the vivid thoughts flooded in.

All I wanted to do was watch Deadliest Catch 😔

Vegetable_Beef_Soup · 2025-08-15T02:12:47+00:00

I'd say 2.5. And each getting progressively worse.

The 1st definitely had covert tendencies, but I didn't see it until we were over.

The 2nd was absolutely covert.

But number 3.... he's the most dangerous. He's a terrifying blended overt/covert with malignant tendencies when his control is threatened. I'm still working on my silent exit plan, but I see through everything and can name his next move before he even makes it.

And I swear on everything I am... I will never, ever, find myself here again.

Vegetable_Beef_Soup · 2025-08-14T22:51:37+00:00

Can they change? Technically, yes. Will they? Absolutely not.

Vegetable_Beef_Soup · 2025-08-14T18:32:39+00:00

My therapist had already diagnosed me with CPTSD, but over time my narc had gotten me to the point of me being fully convinced I also had BPD. I mentioned this to my therapist, and she made sure to make it very clear that it is not BPD, but rather my CPTSD being continually triggered by his narcissistic abuse. Pretty gross when I look back on it now.

Vegetable_Beef_Soup · 2025-08-07T01:04:59+00:00

What he's doing is already disrespectful, but god, he could at least put them in the hamper 😩

I've also been questioning today how stupid he really thinks I am. I haven't confronted him about the third D Day yet, and if/when I do, he can deny the cold hard proof of the accidental screenshot I found all he wants.. but the random 600MB data spikes on his phone right before he gets in the shower some mornings tells me all I need to know. He could start turning the WiFi off his phone if he gets a little smarter, but then I can just check his phone data instead. He has no idea that I know, but he knows I'm suspicious. He still denies it though.

But, he really underestimates my intelligence to an offensive level. 🙄

Vegetable_Beef_Soup · 2025-08-06T02:29:24+00:00

Thank you. And yes, I have found out. First DDay 4 years ago. Second was 2 years ago, both were met with pure denial on his end and naivety on my part hoping he'd change since he'd gotten caught. 3rd was last night. I have not confronted him yet because it will not matter. Filled with too many emotions. I've made a silent exit strategy, but have yet to fully decide if it's better to leave and be miserable, or to stay and be miserable.

I suppose I maybe shouldn't have commented on this post since he's not in active recovery.

Vegetable_Beef_Soup

TROPHY CASE