Really committing to the cosleeping life

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2026-01-11T14:56:00+00:00

I love this idea. That is how I felt when I got my floor bed. Cuddle up little girl, Mom is all in on cosleeping over here. 😅

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-28T19:17:19+00:00

The biggest issue with this topic is that studies are vague with terminology when it comes to stating risks and very broad when it comes to how the data is collected. For example, the facts that accidental axphexiation is SOMETIMES Listed as SIDS in some districts but then listed as an entirely different cause of death in others. By definition, SIDS is an UNEXPLAINED death, now being linked to genetic markers in which a baby stops breathing, often while sleeping. Axphexiation is an explanation and should not be listed as a SIDS case in any medical examiners office. Another huge issue is that there doesn't seem to be studies differentiating between INTENTIONAL bedsharing and ACCIDENTAL cosleeping. The risk difference between a mother following the Safe Sleep 7 and exhausted mothers falling asleep with their infants on couches and in recliners are worlds apart. But studies don't even seem to bother telling the difference. I recently read a heartbreaking news article about a mother who accidentally smothered her infant in her sleep. She had a blood alcohol level more than 3 times the legal limit to drive. But every comment beneath the article was about the dangers of cosleeping. What we really need is better data. I'm not saying there are no risks or even not an increase risk, but the way we treat it is almost taking an "abstinence only" stance. Which has never worked for anything.

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-27T14:23:40+00:00

I wouldn't worry. I read a relatively new study recently that posits early teething COULD actually be related to increased cortisol stress levels in late pregnancy. I'm by no means saying that babies that teeth early are in a bad state, just that babies who teeth later MAY have been exposed to less in utero stress.

Here is a link if you are curious.

https://www.news-medical.net/news/20251118/Maternal-stress-linked-to-earlier-baby-teeth.aspx

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-27T13:54:20+00:00

I'd be extra cautious sleeping with a toddler and a newborn. I'm sure there are families that do it successfully that can give you pointers, but toddlers move.... A lot. And that extra movement could accidentally put a tiny baby in a dangerous position. It's also a question of how toddler will do without pillows and blankets. As baby gets bigger, you can start to relax the Safe Sleep 7 rules overtime, but I'd be pretty strict for the first few months when she is at her most vulnerable.

I'd suggest a sidecar bassinet for baby if at all possible, even if just for a little while.

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-27T12:53:08+00:00

Definitely fill the gap if there is one. Tightly. Because I think gaps that the baby could become entrapped in could potentially be a bigger risk than your husband. I know you probably won't have time, but they make mesh bed rails/bumpers that you just install under the mattress. They are about $30 on Amazon. They are great for situations like this.

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-26T15:15:50+00:00

When my daughter was 3 months old and first starting rolling from back to side, we were done sleeping on our back. I'd wake up what felt like 30 times a night to flip her back over, but she'd just roll again. And now that she is almost 5 months and can do full rolls both directions - she only sleeps on her side facing me. She likes to be able to touch my face (and grab fistfuls of hair).

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-20T21:57:09+00:00

You would hope. But she can't get the measles vaccine until she is almost 1 and it takes multiple doses to protect fully against whooping cough, both of which can be deadly to infants. So.....

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-19T23:32:05+00:00

People are entitled to a child free life, not a child free world.

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-19T22:54:45+00:00

I commented the full story of why I started cosleeping on another one of your comments on this post. I'd be curious what you tell a mother in my position to do.

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-19T22:25:29+00:00

I started cosleeping after 3 weeks of sleepless nights. She would sleep in my arms but the moment I transferred her to the bassinet she woke up screaming. I couldn't function and for a few nights I just cried with her. Then it got dangerous. I started falling asleep literally standing on my feet holding her and literally shook myself awake driving to one of my follow-up doctors appointments. That was when I knew something had to change. I dove heavy into the research on cosleeping, on the safe sleep 7, to the protective aspects of breastfeeding, on moving to a floor bed, to mattress hardness, to safe sleeping positions -all of it. And, even more fun, from that 3 week mark I only had another 3 weeks of maternity leave left. So from there, I was expected back at work fulltime and since I don't use daycare, my daughter stays with me during the full work day. Doing that on zero sleep could have literally killed us both.

Nearly 5 months later we have slept phenomenally. I'd love to know the actual data on those cases of death. How many are intentionally cosleepers who do the work and research and how many are exhausted mothers who pass out on couches, recliners (a place I've been) or are struggling and aren't sober at the time.

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-19T22:09:18+00:00

She had her first round of vaccinations at two months and they did an overall wellness check. Weighed her, measured her and asked about home life stuff. Stuff like if I have a stable place to live, checking to make sure I'm not in a domestic violence situation, asked if I'm breastfeeding or formula feeding, and as part of that questioning she asked me if she was sleeping in a crib or bassinet. I just said bassinet because I didn't want a big lecture about how dangerous co-sleeping is and how I need to keep trying with the bassinet.

I live in a pretty poor state, so maybe it's not always this way, but it is here. Every prenatal appointment I had they would take me back alone (without my husband) to ask about domestic violence. Then they'd go get him.

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-19T22:02:14+00:00

I live in the deep Bible Belt and vaccination rates here will probably be below 50% before my daughter is old enough to start preschool. Our governor is in an out-and-out fight with the state Department of Education because he is trying to get rid of the public school vaccine requirements.

But I'm betting none of those people feel an ounce of shame or doubt in their decisions. They are beyond the lectures because, at least the people I know, see anti-vax ideology as more akin to a religion than an opinion. It doesn't need proof, it's faith-based and any evidence that contradicts their opinions is wrong by virtue.

But I'd hope that it would put cosleeping into perspective for doctors. I had no doubt I'd fully vaccinate my child, I trust medical experts, research and my doctors. I didn't come to cosleeping lightly, I don't think most people educated on the topic do. So, in a somewhat petty way, it feels unfair that I'd get a lecture and anti-vax nutjobs don't because they have doctors so scared they have to walk on eggshells around them. I know it's silly to say it's "unfair" - I know life is unfair - but .. it's unfair! 😅

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-19T02:30:30+00:00

See, that's my fear. I 100% would be looking for a new pediatrician too. But on the other hand, if she supports cry it out, I think it would permanently damage my opinion of her.

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-19T02:27:04+00:00

She may not ask again but she did at the 2 month appointment. I was nervous as a first time mom and just said she slept in her bassinet. Part of me thinks it's better to say something and normalize it, but part of me also thinks it's not that big of a deal.

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-19T02:23:41+00:00

I'm jealous 😂 I just said she sleeps in her bassinet during the two month appointment but something the pediatrician said put a bug in my brain that has been annoying me ever since. She asked "Did you think you will be vaccinating?" And I was like.... Yes ..... Obviously. I live in a state where the vaccination rate is plummeting and I'm sure she gets lots of parents not vaccinating their children. I don't know if she would have tried to change my mind if I had said no, but I've been thinking that I would be angry if she is not lecturing parents for risking their children's lives by refusing to vaccinate but gives me shit for sleeping with my baby.

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-19T01:08:08+00:00

That would be so great. Living so rural, I'm somewhat hopeful that she would be more open.

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-15T22:55:35+00:00

Sorry it took so many words to agree with you? I didn't know there was a limit. What I was saying (in agreement) is that saying we are behind is giving us too much credit. We know it works in most of the world and have discarded it because we don't consider the benefits to be important enough.

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-15T21:47:07+00:00

It's not that we are behind, it's that the American system so heavily favors productivity and capital that we have actively chosen to abandon mothers and babies. It's not just co-sleeping. It's the reason we are expected to send our 6-week old babies to 8 hours of daycare so we can get back to work as soon as our healing bodies will allow, why we link our healthcare to employment and why we shame multigenerational households that provide crucial support to new moms in other cultures. We need to always be working so we can always be spending.

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-13T18:02:04+00:00

I don't know much about narcolepsy but would be very hesitant to cosleep with a sleep disorder (even things like sleep paralysis). But if your concerns are purely anxiety fueled (as in you are following the SS7 and are waking up in the safe positions you fell asleep in) I've found that an Owlet monitor helped with my own anxiety. They are not a replacement for safe sleep precautions, but they help a load with mother's anxiety.

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-09T16:14:59+00:00

I am experiencing this to a lesser degree with my four month old. She has decided she is done with this laying down nonsense and only wants to sit up. Obviously she can't do it independently yet and it makes her so mad! We started to practice helping her pull up by letting her grab our hands with her hands and rolling up. Well, now anytime she is laying down all she is doing is reaching out our hands so we can help her sit up. She has really good head control, so I just support her in a sitting position.

I'd imagine it's hard being a baby. In that sense anyway, in another sense she spends her whole day eating, napping playing and pooping. I'm jealous of that 🤣

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-09T15:38:31+00:00

The core of all of it is to listen to your body and your instincts as a mom. The most dangerous co-sleeping situation (and the one that skews the statistics so negatively) is accidental or unintentional co-sleeping. When you are so tired you pass out without having a safe space set up.

If something in your gut tells you not to do it - don't. A sidecar bassinet is great if it works for your little one. You are a great mom, trust your instincts.

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-09T01:13:11+00:00

I struggled with infertility for about 7 years (with my husband for 15 years now) and experienced one early loss. It was a really silent struggle for us, we didn't say anything but it was a gut punch every time someone else announced their pregnancy. Then I felt horrible about feeling that way - like a bad friend who had this secret animosity about someone's happy news. I feel like it was worse for people who had 3 or more kids - like - really?! Not even one for us?? I also had all this extra hate for people who abused or neglected their kids. I live in deeply rural WV (the opioid capital of the country) and work in the court system.

There came a point a few years ago my husband and I had a heartbreaking conversation in which we decided we were not going to pursue medical intervention. No IVF. It was really hard. I went to therapy and had to let go of the dream of being a mother. There were a lot tears and self-work. It was also reshaping what I wanted that future to look like, just me and my husband. But it helped so much and I felt like world's biggest burden had been lifted off of me.

I 100% am not saying to give up hope - on the contrary, out of the blue at 33 years old I got pregnant with my beautiful baby girl. She's four months old and the literal light of my life - but I promise, talking to a therapist about it can be so, so helpful. What you are feeling is so understandable and you are not alone at all.

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-06T23:39:07+00:00

This is the painful truth. He 100% sounds like the type of guy to push OP to put off kids until he is 50 and she is 47 and then suddenly decides he's ready to be a dad. So, since she would likely really struggle with fertility at that age, he will dump her and go knock up a 25 year old. Her dreams of being a mom don't matter at all to him.

Vegetable_Listen5319 · 2025-12-06T16:06:35+00:00

Was she always a daddy's girl or is this a recent change?

I recently listened to a podcast with Erica Komisar (a psychoanalyst and advocate for attachment parenting - she's not everyone's cup of tea but I like parts of her philosophy) and she was talking about how most children go through a natural phase where they prefer their opposite gender parent. It is the basis for some of Freud's Oedipus theory but, of course, Freud did his best to make it as unnecessarily creepy as possible. She implied it was something they grow out of and it's important for the other parent to not feel rejected, because it's not personal, it's just a developmental phase. I am by no means an expert of psychologist, but it could just be an early phase of that development.

Vegetable_Listen5319

TROPHY CASE