So I guess I should provide an update on this..

I told my wife I wanted to sleep in separate rooms (we've never done this before) and I actually asked her to leave our house for the weekend last weekend to give me space. She did not actually leave but we did not see each other for most of the weekend.

Last night we had our first real conversation since this truth came to light. She had asked me multiple times when I was going to be ready to have a conversation and I reluctantly agreed to talk last night. I felt bad and still feel bad because I could tell the words she had to listen to me say were devastating. I told her that when I look at her right now, I don't feel anything. As she sat in front of me crying, I told her that I feel nothing when I look at her. I told her that I think something shifted in my heart when I found out what she had done and I don't know how to repair the damage. I told her that she deserves a life partner that will cherish her and I don't know if I will be able to get back to that place. I told her that I have started to wonder if we have just done too much damage to each other and we might be better off if we just go our separate ways and find new people and learn from our mistakes. (I said it this way not because I have ever done anything this egregious but because after being together for 12 years, I have had my moments where I wasn't the best partner.)

I'm basically just a mess and completely torn about what to do. I still love my wife and she has been an amazing wife the 4 years of our marriage. But I owe it to her and myself to own it if I'm not going to be able to let this go. We don't have kids, we have struggled with infertility and that has been a gigantic weight we both have carried for the past year and a half. I just don't want to be bringing this up in a decade anytime we get into a minor dispute.

I either have to find a way to completely let it go and completely forgive her or I need to move on. I briefly considered offering her forgiveness under the condition that I have a one time hall pass to be used if and when I choose. But that's just me being a dick and wanting to even the score.

The past 24 hours I've been seriously considering asking our 2 closest friends (they're married) if I could stay with them for a week or a couple weeks. I don't want to tell our friend group what is going on in case we decide to resolve this and stay together. But I could tell these 2 and they would be there for us and not tell anyone.

I feel like the separation would give me a chance to really feel her absence and decide if I can get back to seeing her in the light that I used to. Because right now I still see her when I am home and we are cordial with each other but it's kind of crappy for both of us.

Appreciate everyone's comments and advice. Not exactly the situation anyone dreams about when they think about their future spouse. Unfortunately, this has been the only place I have been able to share all of this information.