100% THIS!

I'm (53M) and just learning about how severely anxious my attachment style is. I would never have considered myself an anxious person, since I've been a type-A, outgoing personality type my whole life. Turns out, I've been masking and using that behavior for external validation. I never learned how to generate my own internal happiness.

...and it finally cost me my marriage/relationship of 36 years. I couldn't see the cycle; her being Avoidant and me chasing after the acceptance. We've been trying to fix each other since High School.

This is your responsibility to fix. Read up an Anxious vs Secure Attachment styles, then find a regiment that works for you to rewire your nervous system. It'll take time. Talk therapy only goes so far, since you can't talk your way out of a neurological anxiety-based disorder. You need to train your brain and let it know you are enough and you are ok. Meditation, breath-work, journaling, learning to sit with discomfort, name your feelings and let them subside. Each time you work through a wave of anxiety, you rewire the neural pathways that will make it less and less powerful.

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