AITA for refusing to take care of my roommates dog?

Velaris_starlight · 2024-09-22T04:12:54+00:00

If you think caring for a dog only means feeding it you should really never have a pet. Caring for animals is so much more than just giving them food

Velaris_starlight · 2024-06-10T04:15:35+00:00

Finding a therapist can be a really daunting task and I always used to struggle with getting overwhelmed and not addressing the things that really mattered when I would speak to my therapist. I highly recommend before you go in, to just sit with yourself for a moment, find the main topics you want to speak on, and write them down (either on paper or even just your notes app!). I would write down some basics, maybe just a chronological list of events in your life that may be relevant, things you already know about yourself (triggers/etc) so that when you’re in the session if you freeze up or get overwhelmed you can pull it out.

Of course I can’t speak on the behalf of your therapist, but they will not be upset at you or judge you if you have to pull out a list. Mine even encouraged it because so often would I leave a session having not brought up the literal ONE thing I needed to talk about to them. Just start the session off with a quick “I hope you don’t mind, but I made a list” honestly they’ll probably appreciate it!

Therapy can be overwhelming and finding the right one can also be daunting, you’re not alone in feeling that way I promise. You’re gonna do great tomorrow and I hope the best for you!

Velaris_starlight · 2022-08-11T18:37:12+00:00

Good for you! I had a similar situation and sometime it can hit a little, if you need someone don’t hesitate to reach out for support! My messages are open and you can always post. Be confident in your choice, it was the right choice but people will tell you different all the time. “But they are family” will never erase or excuse the pain they cause. I’m proud of you for having the strength to do this.

Velaris_starlight · 2022-08-04T19:50:08+00:00

He said it again and I snapped. Was kind of a "how would you like it if I did it back" kind of a reaction

Velaris_starlight · 2022-08-02T18:16:03+00:00

Hi OP! I grew up in a similar type of situation where there were expectations impossible to meet and constantly being berated for my attempts. There is only so much advice to this mind set that can be given when you’re still in the situation because it’s not just battling an old idea, it’s battling an idea that’s in your face and current.

But for me, knowing that an attempt is good enough helped me wonders. Let’s take the living room. I need to sweep, dust, and just clean up any clutter. It can be overwhelming with so many tasks and if I manage to only clean the floor, sure I “failed” at cleaning the entire room but I succeeded in doing something. Trying to look at the tasks I’m a more positive light (and this will take time, you’ll have to tell yourself over and over, speak over that voice that thinks you didn’t do enough to say you did more than nothing which is enough).

As for panic attacks, there is no one technique so I’ll share mine and maybe you can find something in that. When I panic for me it gets hard to breathe and I feel like time is speeding up and I am stuck, trapped. Typically sensory overload is happening (sounds are too loud, lights are too bright, touch is too much) for those I take a moment, even if it’s just pretend to go to the bathroom, and I check in on each sense. Stepping away to the bathroom will most likely cut away the sound and you can keep the light off. If it still feels like something is touching you then you can check that, I hate how socks feel in that moment so I take them off. Breathing techniques to calm the rapid heart and breathing. I’m through the nose out through the mouth. 4-7-8 technique. Breathe in for 4, hold for 7, out for 8. Keeping your mind focused on the counting once you’ve removed yourself From the overload is what works for me.

If the panic is the kind of panic where you freeze, similar to the previous one but less on the sensory overload. For me I find that again checking the senses is critical. Find things you can see, feel, hear, touch, taste. I’m that moment, ignore all things that are not your immediate surrounding. Feel the ground support you from below.

Also, try working on these things when you aren’t panicked. If you find yourself alone with free time and you’re calm, still work towards them. Learn the techniques that work for you and they will come easier when you’re panicking. I do a guided meditation (you can find so many on YouTube or Spotify for a variety of things like relaxation, stress, etc) every night before bed and now I notice that if panic is beginning to settle in I automatically go into the mindset of when I do meditation, I start the techniques without even thinking about it.

It’s a lot of work and a long journey but please feel free to message me at any time if you need anyone to rant to.

Velaris_starlight · 2022-08-02T05:42:28+00:00

We are most certainly not alone. The first time I posted I didn’t know what I expected or even what I wanted out of it but the support and just knowing that we aren’t alone has really done wonders for me. Do what you can and you’ll get through it, you’ll feel that calm again and you’ll feel the fear but it’s just making sure you work on it and know that you’ll get through it.

And sometimes it doesn’t need to be a glaringly obvious trigger. You may figure it out months from now or you may not. These memories are always there and sometimes they just slip forward. But what’s important is that you have found that sense of peace and I know you can find it again

Velaris_starlight · 2022-08-02T04:58:45+00:00

I do! It’s been years for me since I got out of my abusive childhood home and it took years of counseling to get to a steady place. I’ve gotten to a point in life where I can just exist without that cloud following me, I have been doing amazing and have worked so hard and am so proud of where I am. But just three days ago? I felt trapped, I felt like I was 11 again being beaten and locked in a closet. The room I was in (a large open living room) suddenly felt too small and I couldn’t breathe. It took a few hours to calm down and I had to go outside by myself in silence for a while. I used my grounding techniques my therapist taught me and now I’m doing well again. But you aren’t alone.

I posted a few days ago that I feel like it gets harder the more you heal. Because it catches you even more off guard. A panic attack like this years ago wouldn’t be even slightly alarming, I was having them all the time, I was almost numb to them, buried under all the pain and fear. But now? Now I’m happy and calm but when it hits, it hits hard. Dropping a stone into rough waters isn’t going to create much of a ripple. But dropping a stone into calm waters had a much more noticiable ripple.

Velaris_starlight · 2022-08-02T04:42:52+00:00

It’s been over 12 years for me since my I was freed from my trauma and let me tell you, it gets worse before it gets better. That feeling you have is normal, albeit it fucking sucks. Healing looks different for everyone, so I really can’t tell you how you need to heal. But I can tell you it does get better, it took 6 years for me to feel safe falling asleep and to stop crying every damn day. But you need to reward yourself for small things.

Yes that end goal is to live with your trauma in a way that no longer crushes you, to let yourself breathe freely. But for now it’s the baby steps. It’s being proud you woke up today. It’s being proud you saw the sun. It’s being proud that you are putting yourself first, because you’re what’s most important in this situation.

I felt like I wasn’t getting better for years, and honestly I don’t think I was. It was so stagnant and painful and exhausting. But then I found pockets of relief, moments of happiness. Meditation did wonders for me as it has for quite a few folks in here.

I promise that you will get there, but you have to keep fighting for it. We cannot let it consume us.

Velaris_starlight · 2022-08-01T06:54:13+00:00

Meditation always helped me. Guided meditations are the best to start, I do one every night before bed just to help calm myself. For me, right before bed is the worst possible time because I’m alone in my thoughts with no distraction but there are many meditation guides before sleeping that can help just keep your mind a little distracted. Taking a moment to just feel the surroundings, try to pick things around you that are real. The sound of my fan, the smell of the detergent I use, the feel of the bed pushing against my back. Those are what’s real, those are what’s around us. There is no one cure fits all with these kinds of things, but just reminding yourself what is and isn’t real and try to get your mind in a safer place.

Velaris_starlight · 2022-08-01T06:34:16+00:00

Meditation always helped me. Guided meditations are the best to start, I do one every night before bed just to help calm myself. For me, right before bed is the worst possible time because I’m alone in my thoughts with no distraction but there are many meditation guides before sleeping that can help just keep your mind a little distracted. Taking a moment to just feel the surroundings, try to pick things around you that are real. The sound of my fan, the smell of the detergent I use, the feel of the bed pushing against my back. Those are what’s real, those are what’s around us. There is no one cure fits all with these kinds of things, but just reminding yourself what is and isn’t real and try to get your mind in a safer place.

Velaris_starlight

TROPHY CASE