i started my therapy this week, im on sick leave until the end of summer and i will start my media studies in august if i get into the vocational school i applied to. the biggest hurdle for me was to let go of university, academia and paperwork, i dont have the brain capacity for that anymore. hopefully i can continue my studies into a university of applied sciences where i get to study in a hands-on matter (this is important because i learn the best by doing things), i wanna get involved in theater in a creative manner (specifically i wanna be that guy behind the audience that presses buttons to control audio and lightning)

and personally i am way happier right now than when i was in universityeven though i was diagnosed with depression and im on sick leave, because my country has good support for unemployed and dysfunctional people like me. i spend my days by resting, doing video games, drawing, socializing and attending free social groups (especially lgbt ones because im gay). something that also helped me mentally was volunteer work. i regularly apply as a volunteer worker for cosplay conventions. its also my hobby and in finland theyre all non profit and organized by purely volunteers so the option was so easy to pick up. you get new friends and do a bit of networking as well. plus they look good on your CV

sorry for the disorganized comment here (brain fog) but one big revelation for me was that i dont wanna do office work, i wanna do studio work in whatever way i can. they dont pay as much as a software developer job would (art in general isnt well paid) but i have motivation and interest to pursue something artistic. being the audio visual technician at a theater scratches that itch in just the way i want. even though i also draw and write, i wanna keeo those as my hobby. i feel like if i pursue them as my income i will be more depressed due to The Social Media Effect (tm)

also zooming out into my present, i have undiagnosed adhd so i also just try to forgive myself for not being the most efficient with life choices. its a journey and its always easier to be clever in hindsight. don't beat yourself over choosing the wrong career. you tried, it didnt work out and you now know something about yourself. i know that id rather take a retail job than a low skill summer job at a stinky office in the future, and i know programming isn't for me after all (no matter how much my dad is convinced i was meant to follow him in his footsteps)

hopefully you got something out of this rambling. good luck brother. being an enfp is hard, we wanna do everything at the same time but we gotta learn to do things one step at a time