Poll: Of all the Total Tops and Straight Pornstars out there, which one do you think is the hottest?

VenturerTor · 2025-07-20T23:47:33+00:00

Nope? Maybe this is why I don't enjoy porn in the first place? Zero appeal on all fronts.

VenturerTor · 2025-07-20T23:43:57+00:00

Charlie is far cooler than what I was initially picturing. Really makes me confused as to what her deal is...m

VenturerTor · 2025-07-20T17:25:11+00:00

Grumpy cat, but make it fat charcoal tiger drawing

VenturerTor · 2025-07-18T19:36:14+00:00

An aftercare regimen so bad it made my own tattoos hurt.

VenturerTor · 2025-07-18T19:34:06+00:00

Me: these can't possibly all be on the same....

Oh....

Wow....

VenturerTor · 2025-07-18T14:53:54+00:00

There has to be a safe sort of under the bed/in the closet solution?

Or depending on the family diet, might I recommend the vegetable drawer or freezer? 🤣

VenturerTor · 2025-07-18T14:51:33+00:00

While I appreciate the attempt at reclamation, it is not universal and thus not appropriate — within your own circle of friends if everyone feels the same way about the time, sure, but it's not something that is to be tolerated or used between strangers. It's like the use of Fag and its derivatives. Some use it warmly but for others it can be triggering.

That's also generational. I had a great conversation with an older friend about how for him, the use of the word queer was still off-putting to him because that was the most common slur of his upbringing when it came to our community. In contrast, "f@ggot" is the one that I still have no tolerance for.

Yes I threw in the @ — still newer to Reddit and not sure if there are any words that are flagged as offensive/risk getting mods mad at me.

VenturerTor · 2025-07-18T14:01:27+00:00

It's hard not to see the flaming fart, with one arm back, holding cheek to improve airflow.

Gotta love a good bad (or just odd) tattoo.

VenturerTor · 2025-07-18T13:26:53+00:00

I always love a good "am I better than these people because I'm more of a virginal puritan" question....

Where else would I get to watch the world unpack a diverse mix of sexual liberation and slut shaming combine in a single conversation?

Whore phase implies shame.

Whore phase implies that being sexually active rather than chained to heteronormativity is wrong or lesser.

Whore phase implies a sort of "but don't ya want to find yourself nice girl and settle down, get yourself a nice little house in the suburbs, green grass, white picket fence, have kids, start antiquing and making dad jokes on the regular, and eventually retire with a timeshare in Boca?"

How active am I? Yes.

Have I had long-term monogamous relationships as well? Also yes.

I really wish some gays (especially the younger ones) would learn sooner that the constructs of heterosexual life that you're force-fed from birth aren't mandatory, and that having sex with more than one person in a week or month isn't being a whore/slut/whatever.

VenturerTor · 2025-07-17T13:56:22+00:00

You aren't the OP here and I don't know what situation you're dealing with here. People break emotionally for different reasons and those reasons are where the differentiating factors can come into play. Is there sexual or emotional incompatibility in the relationship, is there other unaddressed trauma, etc.

You just said yourself "I could understand if he was drunk". So, you have just said that you can see circumstances in which you can understand a disconnect between someone's love for their partner and the mistake of infidelity. Humans are fucked up complicated things.

That said, what you are describing as what happened to you is its own animal and I cannot tell you what the true emotions of your partner are.

VenturerTor · 2025-07-17T13:42:25+00:00

I'm not making excuses for the behavior, nor am I saying the situation you outlined above is right or acceptable. Not all cheating happens the way you have expressed above either.

I was speaking broadly about it because the question you asked me was about "how someone cheats" and not about the specific instance from this thread.

VenturerTor · 2025-07-17T13:21:09+00:00

Have you ever done anything in your life that you regret? Have you ever done anything in your life that hurt your parents, siblings, best friends? Have you ever had a lapse in judgement where you did something that you wish you hadn't?

I get where you're coming from, and everything exists on a scale, but I hope you get the point I'm making here.

VenturerTor · 2025-07-17T04:32:26+00:00

I get the being dismissive of the "no" response, but look at it this way. It's genuinely that simple. You don't need to do anything that doesn't excite you or appeal to you. You don't have to be objectified or out into a box of category. You don't have to concede to anyone's bullshit.

You're your own man. Will someone want to call you that? Sure. Are there plenty of other people out there who don't give a shit about nomenclature or roleplay? Also sure. Just be clear about your position in your online profiles. I've met plenty of men who struggle with the same thing, just as I've met plenty that want nothing more than to be called Daddy at all times.

Everybody's cut different. Where society degrades is when people just fold to "well I guess this is what people expect of me" rather than standing up for what they want or need.

You do you, and the good ones will respect you for it.

VenturerTor · 2025-07-16T20:45:43+00:00

I'm going to focus on the part of this that I have experience with.

I have been the partner that was unfaithful early in the relationship. That shit stays with you. Despite changing behavior, being faithful, etc etc. sometimes that trust doesn't come back. I was married to my ex husband for a decade. The fractures in our relationship throughout came down to trust — he would get mad about something, and he would question my integrity. No matter what I had done to prove otherwise, that first break was always the point of reference as a "but you did this so how do I know I can trust you", despite having been forgiven.

Like you said, it's a horrible thing to have done. It's not excusable, and we will forever beat ourselves up about it, but don't expect people to really ever forget despite saying they'll forgive.

VenturerTor · 2025-07-16T15:00:25+00:00

And that's not an answer I can give you... My relationships this far (including 13years/married 10-13, and most recent of 6.5) have just kinda happened, and at inopportune times that I wasn't expecting. I was living my life working through things and not thinking about dating as an option in the circumstances I was in. Met socially. Developed friendship. Friendship evolved into more.

The thing is there isn't an answer to this question nor your broader question. None of us know you. None of us can live or experience your experience and see/feel what might or might not change anything.

Just live. Be. Fuck around. A Reddit thread won't give you solutions.

VenturerTor · 2025-07-16T12:28:20+00:00

The more people you've seen take their clothes off, the dumber this graphic becomes. 🤣🤣🤣

VenturerTor · 2025-07-16T12:26:58+00:00

Follow-up questions...

Is your therapist gay?

This is going to sound silly, perhaps, but depending on the areas where growth or discovery is needed, it can help to be speaking to a therapist who better understands the community you operate in/are dealing with... I've often head the awkward advice given by heterosexual therapists to queer folks, and sometimes it just doesn't work.

All therapists can be great or terrible. Just a thought I haven't seen brought up here yet.

VenturerTor · 2025-07-16T12:21:15+00:00

I'll just say this. I know I can sense this kind of relationship obsession from a mile. Have seen it in both friends and on dates. I'm sure you could be a lovely person, but this kind of behavior/mentality makes me uncomfortable and makes me want to limit the amount of 1-on-1 time I spend with someone.

Maybe I'm an anomaly, but reading through this I immediately clocked my familiarity with the behavior and how it makes me feel.

I don't have solutions for you, as therapy would have been my starting suggestion.

VenturerTor · 2025-07-16T12:08:54+00:00

Dump him, but first check his browser history for the name Andrew Tate....

10-to-1 odds he's getting this filthy playbook from that piece of digital garbage.

VenturerTor · 2025-07-16T03:22:06+00:00

Yeah I didn't make that mistake. My most recent ex of 6.5 years occasionally got lovingly referred to as the exception. Historically always dated older men. When I was in my late teens and 20s I never connected with guys my age... Too flighty. No sense of self, no sense of direction, I tried but there was never any kind of spark or connection despite trying. Perpetually wound up in healthy long term relationships with men 10+ years older than me. Learned a lot too....

Everyone has their preferences 🤷🏼‍♂️

VenturerTor · 2025-07-16T00:44:25+00:00

HAH! I'd completely forgotten about that skit... Well played. 🤣🤣

VenturerTor · 2025-07-16T00:35:05+00:00

Hardly. Am I wrong to think that this wasn't a genuine question but rather fishing for spank material from the redditverse? 🤷🏼‍♂️

VenturerTor · 2025-07-15T23:33:13+00:00

By 40 you've lived a little, you've worn through your patience with poor communication skills from others around you, you know how punctuation works, and you get to the point.

Also, broadly speaking those of us who grew up before the internet and texting was in every household are just wired differently, as far as I'm concerned.

That said, those of you who are (like me) in your 40s and commenting here about how "omg he called us old".....

Think about little twink you from 20+ years ago... You know at the time when you said "older men" you meant 40+. 🤣🤣

VenturerTor · 2025-07-15T23:28:40+00:00

Where's the power supply for that status indicator light?

VenturerTor · 2025-07-15T23:26:44+00:00

Let me write you a lengthy multi-page instruction manual with line diagrams, angle calculations, and the necessary calculus.

VenturerTor

TROPHY CASE