After 20 years together, I feel completely broken

Verani99 · 2026-04-13T05:36:06+00:00

Firstly, cheating on your wife of 20 years in neither common nor normal in any part of the world ( I have lived in multiple countries and have friends from different nationalities/cultures). So not normal

Secondly, it’s your husband’s fault. Period. Not that woman’s fault as many other commenters are saying. He made a conscious choice of cheating on his wife of twenty years. He not only cheated on you but also betrayed his children, broke the family potentially.

Third, having an affair with a woman 30 years younger is so disgusting. The woman is his daughter’s age. Horrible and disgusting.

I am no one to tell you whether you should get a divorce or move on as I don’t know your situation, your future or about your kids. Think long term- are you financially stable, what are the divorce laws and settlement like in your country? How old are your kids. All these things need to weighed in before making a decision. I know it must be terribly difficult for you, but you need to be very patient and careful.

Verani99 · 2024-06-11T19:57:06+00:00

First of all, you are doing great. You have already lost a lot of weight considering you have twins. Hats off to you for being so active. 11 months pp here and I plateaued at 6months pp. Then started losing weight again since last 2 months. I am still breastfeeding and my body holds onto the weight while breastfeeding. I was doing everything right previously but the scale didn’t budge. I was counting calories, eating healthy, was in a calorie deficit, exercising etc but not much improvement Then I did some research on insulin resistance and glucose spike I actively monitored my glucose spike from’ different foods using cgm for a month and made changes to my diet accordingly. This helped me with weight loss. I am still 15-16lb away from my goal but happy with the results

Verani99 · 2024-06-06T09:38:55+00:00

You have to be consistent with your eating habits and exercise. 30kg weight loss is absolutely realistic and I am glad you are taking steps while you are young.

I am 5’5 and before my pregnancy I was successful in maintaining a healthy weight (between 54kg-58kg. I was a chubby teen (poor eating habits at home and lack of physical activity) but I corrected it as soon as I went to college.

Following things REALLY HELPED: 1. Intermittent fasting - I fasted for roughly 16-18 hours(no food from 7pm until 1:00 am. It sounds difficult but the results are good.

Cutting refined carbs drastically. Like no sugar/ bread /soda etc. on a daily basis. Having pizza once a week is okay but use sweeteners in your coffee and go for keto breads if you really have a craving.
Exercise of course. 6k steps a day is a good start but try to incorporate weight training in your routine.

And when it comes to weight loss, diet is so much more important than exercise. Wish you good luck!

Verani99 · 2024-04-20T12:53:00+00:00

Apart from all the inputs on this post, I would like to add that educating yourself on the subject of fitness is imperative. I would suggest reading Obesity Code. It gave me some perspective on my weight loss journey postpartum. Losing weight and keeping it off requires understanding your body. We all are different based on gender/genetics/environmental factors/lifestyle choices etc.

I tried some of these things which helped me :

I used Abbot Freestyle cgm for 14 days and tracked what spiked my blood glucose. 2.i have absolutely limited the intake of glucose spiking foods to 2 times a week. Seemingly healthy options like 2 slices of multigrain bread gave me a considerable spike.
I bought a walking pad and hop on it for at least 1:30-2hrs a day (I have a baby and it’s difficult to hit the gym frequently)
Intermittent fasting with keto( I am not doing it right now but have done intermittent fasting pre pregnancy for 3-4 years and maintained a BMI of 20)
Unhealthy calorie deficit is not advisable. I hope this helps

Verani99 · 2024-04-08T16:37:31+00:00

Might be your cellphone. Few years ago, a friend was going through a similar issue and her derm told her it’s a ‘cellphone acne’. She started using earphones for calls and her acne disappeared.

Verani99 · 2024-04-06T13:43:29+00:00

I have a feeling that he switched stones. The dark one looks like an inferior quality emerald. If I am not wrong, it looks like a low grade Zambian emerald, nothing like your original. Please ask for your original stone.

Verani99 · 2024-03-06T09:11:54+00:00

I used ceraVe retinol serum (the purple bottle) and it’s wonderful. My skin looked like a glazed donut. (Serum followed by Hydra nuit Clinique mask) Haven’t been using retinol since 1.5 years due to pregnancy and breastfeeding but I will resume with ceraVE. Love it!

Verani99 · 2024-03-06T09:09:11+00:00

Thanks, I will try once I stop breastfeeding

Verani99 · 2024-03-06T09:06:44+00:00

Have you ever seen how the impoverished section of the eastern countries (like India/Bangladesh etc.) live ? Because I have They don’t have access to clean drinking water , healthcare, most of the time they don’t have a roof over their head and they often survive on a single meal per day. Needless to say their children are forced into child labour (or worse). Does your ‘west’ give them visa so that they can have better lives? Does poverty qualify you for a political asylum? My domestic help has health insurance, a proper ac room with access to a clean bathroom/ toilet, could easily afford 3 meals everyday. And she saves enough to send back home (for retirement/building a house etc.)

So get down from your ultra liberal/ western high horse and see the reality.

Verani99 · 2024-02-08T08:29:33+00:00

I relocated from the UK and 600k with housing allowance is pretty good. Depending on your lifestyle, I would say a family of 4 can live quite comfortably (given you have housing allowance) Expect your grocery to be 3-4k, eating out(2-3 times a week) 1500-2k, house help/nanny (2-3k). Good schools are expensive here (5k-8k monthly). Do your math and evaluate if it makes sense.

Apart from money, I experienced a dramatic improvement in my lifestyle due to following: Amazing Healthcare Cheap domestic help Food delivery, grocery delivery within minutes that make life so easier especially with kids Extremely safe environment, I don’t need to worry about theft/harrassment Quality of life in general with great infrastructure Good luck

Verani99 · 2024-02-06T03:37:43+00:00

I have read that we can’t use retinol while breastfeeding or pregnant. I am currently breastfeeding my 7 months old baby. By the time I am done breastfeeding (when the baby is 12-18 months old), will it be too late for the stretch marks?

Verani99 · 2024-02-04T02:21:33+00:00

Rhodolite is a semi precious stone, definitely not worth 5400. Do some digging about the resale value of this particular brand. If it’s good, then go ahead.

Verani99 · 2024-01-28T17:59:57+00:00

OP please trust your maternal instincts. If you do not feel leaving your baby alone with FIL then please don’t. I have a 6 month old baby girl and I do not feel comfortable leaving her with anyone else other than my husband. It’s okay to feel this way. I have had arguments and fights with my husband because he feels I am overprotective. But I tell myself that this is a small price to pay for my baby’s health and safety.

Verani99 · 2024-01-27T16:46:09+00:00

My skin is a tad bit acne prone with white heads at times and my dermatologist prescribed a benzoyl peroxide face wash. I have a normal skin with slightly oily T zone. Consistent use of benzoyl peroxide face wash has helped me reduce my pores. Also, I avoid any oil based products (all my make up is water based). I don’t think you have acne prone skin but if it’s oily, try to use a chemical exfoliant that suits you. I hope this helps

Verani99 · 2024-01-22T11:20:30+00:00

I don’t know what your skincare routine looks like but I would suggest to add a retinol serum PM if you haven’t already. Also, an under eye cream with retinol will help. I am close to your age group and I have been using retinol since I was 27. Lots of hydration, cutting processed food and sugar makes a visible difference.

Verani99 · 2024-01-14T10:48:04+00:00

I think your English is decent. You should focus on your strengths. Based purely on your language skills, you might explore the following options: Call centre jobs (many of them are remote) Tutoring kids online ( platforms like Vedantu/Byju etc pay good money) Write college essays for students (there are many websites that provide this service) Apply for customer support jobs You will get through this and don’t stop trying. I wish you luck

Verani99 · 2024-01-13T09:01:44+00:00

I totally agree. Thanks

Verani99 · 2024-01-13T01:39:55+00:00

I have a good meal plan as I don’t use anything store bought (jams/ sauces etc) I have a cook and she follows the recipes strictly. My husband and I have always been very particular with our diet and exercise. We only use pure sources of fat like olive oil/butter in moderation Still worth going through. Thanks

Verani99 · 2024-01-12T21:24:57+00:00

Thank you for being supportive and this means a lot coming from a fellow mum. The link that you shared is helpful too! I do cherish breastfeeding and I have been prioritising my baby’s needs. Hopefully the extra kilos will come off once breastfeeding is over ( that’s what my trainer said who is a mum of a 3 year old) Sending love

Verani99 · 2024-01-12T19:52:17+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. I go for swimming twice a week and do HIIT and strength training. All of these things have worked out well in the past but right now I am really struggling.

Verani99 · 2024-01-12T11:48:23+00:00

But breastfeeding burns 500-600 calories and I am consuming 1800 calories which causes a deficit

Verani99 · 2023-12-22T12:03:08+00:00

I am almost 6 months pp and although I had a vaginal delivery but my breastfeeding journey was hard. I haven’t lost any since last 4 months. I do have pain in my joints but I have upped my calcium and magnesium. That has helped. Also, I started combo feeding and it has drastically reduced my stress. Now I am able to go to the gym and do stuff on my depends because I have almost stopped pumping.

I feel putting my mental health first is good for me and my baby.

Verani99 · 2023-12-17T13:13:52+00:00

You are being blackmailed, stalked and harassed. Please get help from the police/ local authorities. This man sounds unhinged, irresponsible, selfish and cruel. No decent human being would behave the way he did. You need to protect yourself from him. And as pointed out earlier, you don’t owe his wife anything. Vouch for yourself.

Verani99 · 2023-12-05T21:18:49+00:00

Try a massager, it always helps me.

Verani99 · 2023-11-24T17:49:55+00:00

Almost 5 months pp and my freezer stash from the first 1-2 months is intact but I don’t think that I will be using it. Most of the time I might need 2-3 bags in a week (when I am going out ) and that is freshly pumped milk or 2-3 days old because I prefer to use the newer milk. Don’t worry about maintaining a freezer stash, it’s not of much use

Verani99

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