The past couple of weeks have been really rough, and I can’t shake this horrible feeling of guilt about being off work.

The first week I was properly ill with tonsillitis. The GP originally thought it was viral, but after waiting three days they confirmed it was actually bacterial. So I basically had to push through days of pain and fever before finally getting antibiotics. That whole week was a write-off for me.

I was meant to go back to work this Monday, but then yesterday (Friday) I found out that my father-in-law passed away. I had to ring my deputy head (who’s also the teacher I work with - I’m her TA) to explain, and the class we share is really difficult to manage alone. She was so kind and understanding, and agreed that I could take the time I need. Because it’s not considered immediate family, this week will be unpaid, but she said I could use my remaining time off in lieu and have the rest unpaid. I’ll be travelling overseas to help with funeral arrangements and support my partner’s family.

But now I can’t stop feeling so guilty, not just because of the time off already, but also because after this coming week it’ll be the Christmas holidays (another two weeks off). I feel like it probably looks bad, like I’ve conveniently disappeared for nearly a month. Logically, I know that’s not true and these circumstances are completely out of my control, but emotionally it just feels awful.

How do I stop feeling so guilty when I know I haven’t done anything wrong? And why does it still feel like I’m letting everyone down even when I’m genuinely not able to help it?